Could I be Asexual?

[Claire1983]

 

I know that orientation is something you have to determine for yourself, but I just want to ask if I’m way off base here considering if I might be on the asexual spectrum.

 

I just this year learned what Asexuality was when I became friends with someone on the Asexual spectrum.  Asexuality wasn’t never discussed when I was younger, so I didn’t know it was a thing. I knew I wasn’t sexually attracted to women so I assumed I was straight.  I have anxiety and  I have started taking Zoloft recently.  I have noticed a marked drop in my sex drive. I was rather surprised to realize that this did not upset me.  I’m fairly certain that this is a side effect of the medication but I has me wondering if my perception of sexual attraction was a side effect of my anxiety. I think medication and therapy have helped reduce my anxiety enough that I can analyze my feelings.  I’m starting to wonder if I may have forced myself to interpret my feelings in heterosexual terms because I didn’t have a better explanation.

 

I have had sex but only when I was drunk and I have never initiated any sexual encounter. I have had a couple of boyfriends but we never got to the point where I wanted to have sex. I thought I was sexual attracted to them but I think now I might have been mistaking other feeling for that. I’ve always found sex awkward, boring and disappointing.  I assumed I was just doing it wrong, but after several years of not having sex, I find I don't really miss it or really care if I ever have it again.  I have experienced numerous crushes and what I thought was sexual attraction but I think it may have been excitement and emotional attraction.

 

I have an asexual friend who I might be able to talk to about this, but due to my anxiety issues I’m worried about offending them if I’m misidentifying this.  At 34 I feel like I should know my orientation.  I've always identified as straight, so I don’t want them to think I’m just jumping on the bandwagon. Thoughts?

[Dean.]

It is very possible you are on the asexual spectrum, I know when I hadn't figured out I was aro ace yet, I would try to have those feelings and force myself to have them to think I was straight, now looking back I can tell I forced myself to enjoy romantic things and even some sexual things, i still found them awkward and unnecessary but I still would try to feel something for it, it is very possible that you could be doing the same, also I doubt your friend will have a problem with you talking to them about it, I'm sure they will be understanding and helpful. 

[Gldlynch]

Hi Claire1983

 

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I don't think your asexual friend would be offended if you brought up this subject - truthfully, it may actually be encouraging for them if you talked about it. If they are asexual, I'm sure they will be able to guide you (:

 

There's no deadline regarding the declaration of someone's sexual orientation, it took me 20 years to finally admit to myself that I was not straight. Some of use get our answers faster than the other but it's not a competition.

 

Reading your post, there is a definite chance you sit somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Note that there is more than one form of human attraction. When I first discovered asexuality, I thought it covered all sectors of attraction but I quickly found out that they were all different streams. Many people who label themselves asexual are still capable of having healthy romantic relationships because they experience romantic attraction, others may experience this on a platonic scale. I think you fit into here too, but I think the medications you have taken also have had impact on your mental and emotional state - I don't mean this in a negative way.

 

The road to discovery is different for all of us. I hope this site helps you find the answers (: