lolwhoismoi Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 There's probably like a billion of these but I just need someone to hear me out and confirm if I am Grey-sexual/ romantic or demi-sexual/romantic as I'm a bit confused with the difference and the lines seem a bit blurry for me. It might get quite long so sorry! So until recently I was only ever attracted aesthetically to people since I was five, I mean I would call them crushes but they're not people I would ever talk to, just simply looked at from afar if that makes sense? And maybe fantasise a little, but only touching and stuff. Like my fantasy of sex and the reality are very different, I desire it when it's in my head but the actual thought of penis and a dick in me is not attractive to me at all. Recently, I used to like this guy for about a year. Not sure how to describe it except to say he was the only person I've ever 'properly' liked e.g. I thought about him constantly, to the point of insane obsession for a whole year. I described these feelings in my chest as 'love' as there was no other way for me to describe it, I had never felt this way about someone before, even if it was not reciprocated I spoke to him all the time through texting, barely ever saw him in real life. I was so 'in love' even to the point that now that I am over these feelings, I miss feeling like that about someone. I just want to text him and picture kissing him in my imagination all the time. The thing is, I never thought about him sexually. I never wanted to be WITH him, or have sex, I wanted him to like me back but nothing more. This is why I'm so confused, I long for sex because at times I definitely feel this 'pull' of my libido down there but I have no impulse to ACTUALLY act out on this drive with an actual human being, even this guy I was so obsessed with. I'm so confused, I feel like there are these two different parts of me that just don't meet. Link to post Share on other sites
MalcolmCooks Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 it's a confusing world! libido/sex drive is different from sexual attraction - just the fact that you have a libido, even a strong one, doesn't mean that you're not asexual. Some people would say this makes you grey-asexual, but I would argue that since you don't want to actually act on your libido with another person, that you're probably truly asexual. as far as romantic orientation goes, it sounds to me like you felt genuine romantic attraction for this guy. this could mean you're grey-aro or demiromantic - the difference is, broadly speaking, a bit subtle, but generally people who call themselves demiromantic mean that they can only start to feel romantic attraction towards people they are already close to. grey-aromantic is more broad and pretty much just means anywhere inbetween completely aromantic and a "normal" level of romantic attraction one thing I will say though, is that when you're questioning, don't take other people's input as something definate! in the end only you know what you really feel, and other people can't see into your soul and identify what you're feeling - and any suggestions we make are inevitably going to be tied up with our own perceptions of sexuality and romance. Anyways I hope you figure it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Puck Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I agree with the person above, sounds like you are asexual by what you posted here If you didn't actually want to have sex with that person, then you aren't sexually attracted to him. Sounds like you only experience aesthetic and sensual attraction with people. That means you find them nice looking and might want to touch them in ways like kissing or cuddling. But because you are lacking sexual attraction, you don't want to engage in sex with them. Does that resinate with you? Link to post Share on other sites
wonderflonium Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I can completely relate to your story. Personally, I go with grey ace because it's a title I feel more comfortable with at this point in time. I don't experience sexual attraction, but I'm sex neutral and I have a libido that shows up from time to time, so sometimes things get a bit blurry for me when I think back on past events and try to figure out my behaviour before I knew about asexuality. I agree that with the others that by definition, you probably fit within ace - but if you feel more comfortable with grey or demi, then use those. My advice is pick what feels comfortable and true for you in this moment, and don't be afraid to switch it up later if things change. Link to post Share on other sites
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