Asexual denial

[MagnusBane21]

I've quietly over the years come to the conclusion I am asexual. The problem I'm  having is no matter how many times I've come to this conclusion I am still in denial. I keep thinking that if I just meet the right person I'll understand the lust and pleasure of non ace people, even though I know i won't. It's extremely frustrating especially because I know this is what most narrow minded people would say of us, but still i just can't shake the thought. I hate that this is what I keep thinking and it's making accepting my sexuality very difficult. Blame it on lack of understanding, lack of visibility I don't claim to know, but I was hoping someone had some advice on accepting myself?

[Platonic Underdog]

I don't know how much help I can be, as I didn't personally struggle with acceptance. But here's my suggestion. 

 

Ask questions about asexuality, take your time and be patient and compassionate to yourself. Understand that these thoughts won't change over night and forgive yourself for having them. It does not make you narrow minded, it takes time to adapt to and accept something new. Some people need to say it out loud to themselves, others need to write about and some need to ask others about about it. But most people who are having a hard time with acceptance share the same need: time. 

 

Rome wasn't built in a day, accepting your orientation 100% doesn't happen over night. Try to be patient and kind to yourself. 

 

Sorry if I wasn't a lot of help, like I said, I didn't struggle with acceptance myself but if you have any questions I can do my best to answer them 😊

[PinkBones]

2 hours ago, MagnusBane21 said:

I've quietly over the years come to the conclusion I am asexual. The problem I'm  having is no matter how many times I've come to this conclusion I am still in denial. I keep thinking that if I just meet the right person I'll understand the lust and pleasure of non ace people, even though I know i won't. It's extremely frustrating especially because I know this is what most narrow minded people would say of us, but still i just can't shake the thought. I hate that this is what I keep thinking and it's making accepting my sexuality very difficult. Blame it on lack of understanding, lack of visibility I don't claim to know, but I was hoping someone had some advice on accepting myself?

I am struggling with the same thing at the moment.  I feel like I just need someone to say "yes you are this" or "no you are not"  

 

I get it.  Here if you want to talk

[Muledeer]

I struggled with accepting my asexuality too.  Understanding and accepting that sexuality and romantic orientations can be fluid helped me to accept myself better.  I have experienced attractions to partners of both genders during my lifetime, and I have had three sexual relationships, the last one being 25 years ago.  I realize that being aromantic and asexual is my basic orientation I was born with, and the odds of finding a partner are very low, but I also hold out hope that one day, I may encounter someone who could be my long term partner.   I just don't put any energy into pursuing such long-shot odds.

[jabele]

I just wanted you to know you are not alone...im going through it too. It's tough...

[krystal_muzik]

I think that you want to want what they want so that you can feel normal and so that society will not marginalize you as "weird". I feel like that too. I am childfree as well and I want to want children just so I won't be viewed as less important by society but I just can't and don't. It's the same thing with asexuality. We don't want to be left out of milestones or to be thought of as weird. That's probably the conflict that you are feeling and I have felt it too. I have wished to be sexual a few times. But it is not who I am. I look on the bright side of asexuality. The bright side is no worries about STDs, pregnancy and endless Jerry Springer-like relationship drama. The things that normals go through just to say they have a significant other make me just shake my head. So much mental time and energy and frustration. To me, it is not worth it. Living this way can be very freeing. It is for me!

[Kersenne]

You're indeed not alone in this, seems like a lot of us have/had a hard time acknowledging, and then accepting their asexuality.

For me, I first had to ackowledge I was asexual before I could accept it. Even now, I sometimes don't understand what I'm going through. As Muledeer wrote, sexuality and romantic orientations are fluid, so whatever you're feeling now can still change over time. 

 

If deep down you know you don't want sex, ever, but can't come to completely accept it, perhaps you can try to look at it from a different angle. You could ask yourself, "what am I willing to do? What do I like in a relationship? What feels good?" It might help you in a way - I can't say whether it will help you accpet you asxuality, but it might give you direction, help you understand what you asexuality is like