What are your Red Flags?

[Yatogami]

Everyone has a few red flags when it comes to dating, and relationships. What are some that are deal breakers for you?

 

Here are a few of mine.

 

-They do not like animals. (Lacking in empathy maybe?)

-They immediately want to move in. (Desperation?)

-They have no car. (Do not have their life in order, and or have no financial status?)

-If they have a car, but do not take care of it. (Shows poor responsibility, and respect for belongings)

-They want sex (obvious haha)

[Yep, me]

30 minutes ago, Malum said:

Everyone has a few red flags when it comes to dating, and relationships. What are some that are deal breakers for you?

 

Here are a few of mine.

 

-They do not like animals. (Lacking in empathy maybe?)

-They immediately want to move in. (Desperation?)

-They have no car. (Do not have their life in order, and or have no financial status?)

-If they have a car, but do not take care of it. (Shows poor responsibility, and respect for belongings)

-They want sex (obvious haha)

#3 is stupid, lots of people don’t want a car, and neither do they need it, you can have lots of money and have no car, and you can have your life in order without it, have you ever been to Japan?

[Yatogami]

Just now, Zenzencat104 said:

#3 is stupid, lots of people don’t want a car, and neither do they need it, you can have lots of money and have no car, and you can have your life in order without it, have you ever been to Japan?

That is your opinion. My life style is incompatible with people who cannot, or will not drive. Generally speaking, every person that I have dated has had one. So the hobbies we share, also generally means they have to have a vehicle.

 

Do not assume everyone lives in a city with public transportation. Different strokes, for different folks. I personally love the freedom it brings, and prefer to be around like minded people.

 

This thread was suppose to entice conversation on types of people you'd rather not date. Not to bash people for them.

[Yep, me]

4 minutes ago, Malum said:

That is your opinion. My life style is incompatible with people who cannot, or will not drive. Generally speaking, every person that I have dated has had one. So the hobbies we share, also generally means they have to have a vehicle.

 

Do not assume everyone lives in a city with public transportation. Different strokes, for different folks. I personally love the freedom it brings, and prefer to be around like minded people.

 

This thread was suppose to entice conversation on types of people you'd rather not date. Not to bash people for them.

Sorry, it just seemed like such a general statement that in my context it seemed irrational, I didn’t think it through enough.

[RK800]

- Hateful towards children

- "Proud conservative"

- Likes Fox (the news network)

- Nazi apologist

- "Not all *insert group here*"

- Bourgeosie

 

 

42 minutes ago, Malum said:

-They have no car. (Do not have their life in order, and or have no financial status?)

Oh dear.

[Yatogami]

1 minute ago, Zenzencat104 said:

Sorry, it just seemed like such a general statement that in my context it seemed irrational, I didn’t think it through enough.

It is fine, no worries. Also, I love your avatar. Creepy and cute haha.

[Yatogami]

1 minute ago, Flower Boy said:

- Bourgeosie

Haha, how do you define "Bourgeois" in this context? You would not marry a Billionaire etc?

[RK800]

1 minute ago, Malum said:

Haha, how do you define "Bourgeois" in this context? You would not marry a Billionaire etc?

Personally? No, I wouldn't. To me billionaires are out of touch money-hoarders.

[Yatogami]

3 minutes ago, Flower Boy said:

Personally? No, I wouldn't. To me billionaires are out of touch money-hoarders.

To each their own. Haha

 

I think I have had a few moments of vividly imagining marrying a rich spouse, and going on a luxurious vacation somewhere. But alas, dreams are dreams. *single tear*

[Yeast]

Oh, let's see ...

 

They won't ever take your advice. These sorts of people have convenient little excuses for everything they do, no matter how stupid it is. Would you keep 24,000 in cash in a shoe box under your bed? I knew someone who apparently had her reasons not to place money in the bank. I also knew if I tried to tell her what a bad idea it was she would either ignore me or even get angry, no matter how much tact I employed. Of course that box of money didn't stay under her bed for long - and I doubt she learned anything because of it. 

 

Some people think they're hilariously funny but they absolutely are not. These sorts usually wind up offending people. The worst kinds are those who know they are offensive but play it all off as a joke. They're just so cool.

 

Bigots - even the nice kind. I knew a native African who was a kind, understanding fellow unless one happened to be Portuguese. You see, he was from Mozambique, a the last colony to declare independence. One could discuss anything with my friend except African affairs. Rather if you did you had better say nice things no matter who and what you were talking about. I made the mistake of criticizing some war lord and got a stern lecture about how "limited" I was. Whatever. 

 

People who play head games. I usually try and avoid them but sometimes one can't. I got stuck working for a supervisor who acted as though they had the power to fire you on the spot. They couldn't of course but found it served to intimidate some people. As for me, I was given more work than I could finish by the end of the day and this jerk said I would have to work overtime. I asked how much overtime pay I was going to get. That shut him up but then he began the "shame and blame game" with me. I just told the creep that dealing with the work I hadn't finished was something he would have to deal with. He was the supervisor after all.  I guess he got the last word though. The next day I was told he was going to talk to somebody about improving my attitude. I almost wanted to hit the bastard. Fortunately I returned to my own department eventually.

 

I also dislike users  I remember helping somebody at work as a tutor. They were attempting to earn their college degree. My "friend" obviously appreciated the effort I made, but despite the fact we spent a lot of time together working very hard it seemed I never got invited over to her house to meet her family. Dinner would have been nice. After she graduated I never heard from her again. I wasn't bitter though. I did what I did more for me than for her. I had vowed that I was going to help this person better their life - and I kept my vow. It's a shame though how little I was appreciated.

 

People with insecurities can also be a pain where the sun don't shine. The country I live in isn't necessarily perfect but I once made the mistake of saying something that wasn't 101% American in front of one of my more paranoid  coworkers. I looked up to see him glaring at me like an angry gorilla. I said I was sorry if I offended him only to be told I certainly had. Then he walked quietly up to me and said that although he was a registered Democrat, Republicans who say "love it or leave it" sometimes had a point. I couldn't believe I was hearing what I did.  Oh well, I suppose the dinosaurs didn't really all go extinct after all. 

 

 

[Raidia]

Red flags for me:

Someone who doesn't like kids (I work with them for a living and want to be a parent) 

Someone who hates animals (Like come on, my cat and lizards are in my life) 

Someone who doesn't have a way to take care of themselves. 

Someone who is not mature and acts like a baby. 

Someone who looks at me like I choose to be ace and why would I do that to myself. 

[butterflydreams]

- asking me about my genitals and/or surgical status

- being inactive

 

mmm, I guess that's about it. I can't afford to be picky when it comes to relationships...or potential relationships since no one has been interested in me before.

[Sweet Potato]

My red flags:

No job/car: shows lack of financial stability, I have my life in order, I dont need someone elses mess

Drugs: my ex was a pot head, never again will I date a drug addict

No/Revoked drivers licence: lack of responsibility

Never lived alone: way to high of a risk of being dependant.

(specific to online profiles) Bad grammar or spelling: shows a lack of attention to detail, no care, possibly a lack of intelligence. shows that he doesn't care enough about how he presents himself to even run a spelling and grammar check.

Makes any remark whatsoever that eludes to changing my mind about sex.

 

oh! and anyone dealing with excessive baggage can pack it up and go. I dont want to try carry your depression, insecurities, and disfunctional family. did that for 10 gruelling years and I am not a therapist, councellor or psychiatrist, Im not good at those things.

[Ytterbium]

• They're overly extroverted
• They don't accept my sexual orientation (duh)

Also, no car is not a red flag for me at all. I'm actually a huge fan of public transport, and the transit system where I live is pretty good.

[EngineeRaven]

• They don't respect my boundaries.
• They try to make me change things I'm not willing to change.
• They're passive-aggressive.
• They're too touchy.
• They are too pushy ( Falls under the first, I guess, but still not the same).
• They try to dominate everything.
• They lack vital measure of independence.

[Guest]

• Doesn't like animals (sorry, pets are not negotiable)
• Does drugs
• Drinks alcohol regularly
• Smokes
• Isn't monogamous
• Lack of respect for my boundaries, opinions and feelings (don't have to go with what I think, but do have to at least listen and not dismiss)
• Considers sex a requirement
• Racist or otherwise hateful towards any group

[Fat Goku]

1.  Doesn't even lift.

2.  Doesn't like spending time in wastelands.

3.  Doesn't want me spending disproportionate amounts of time (5 hours a day) at the gym.

4.  Isn't willing to have supplements come before bills.

5.  Makes comments about the marks on my traps from doing calf presses/squats.

6.  Doesn't like martial arts.

7.  Isn't willing to hear me talk about gains all day.

8.  While being tomboyish is ok, being overly androgynous isn't.

9.  Isn't willing to work out with me.

10.  Must be cool with me taking my future son out training for months at a time.

 

I'm homeless, and speed and junk are flat out deal-breakers to the point where I will treat you like a leper.

 

Anabolic Steroids mean you aren't strong enough mentally to make gains on your own, and I refuse to be tempted.

[Fat Goku]

Also I cosplay as Goku at the gym every day.  Must accept that.  I'm told that people seeing me get stronger is inspirational and adds to the hype of the gym.

[Purple Wanderer]

Wedding Ring = Red Flag

[Inept_Eris]

1. Is cruel to animals
2. Shows signs of abusive behavior

3. Partakes in any drugs other than Mary Jane

4. Drinks frequently/excessively

5. Doesn't get along with my two best friends

6. Doesn't get along with my mother 

 

Petty things like how much money someone has or weather they have a car don't matter to me I'm not the boss of my partner and they don't have to live in accordance of my expectations as long as they aren't an abusive drug addled shithead and they love me I'm happy.

[Kersenne]

• Someone very pessimistic. I am the contrary, I always look at  things from the bright side (most of the time anyway). I've been in a relationship with a pessimistic person and it got very tiring to me (and probably to him too), always trying to cheer him up. Same thing happened with one of my best friends, I just don't want to go there anymore.
• Someone stressed. Perhaps I'm not stressed enough, but overly stressed people (as in, always in a hurry, always worried about things, snappy and such) just won't work with me. I get annoyed by their behaviour because I don't understand them, and they get annoyed by me because they think I'm being lazy. 
• People who don't like horses and animals in general. I intend to have dogs and horses someday, so someone who doesn't feel for animals won't work with me.
• People who are too certain of their opinions. I love debating ideas with others, and I can be very stubborn at times, but people who spout their opinions on every roof but can't back them with solid arguments (or just make sense) just annoy me. I once discussed veganism with a guy, and although I have nothing against it, he kept blaming me for working in the equine inudstry. He would not listen to anything I said, just kept repeating how we should ,ever have domesticated animals in the first place... Yeah, whatever.
• Un-smart peope (?). I don't know how to put this, and it will sound horrible, but I can't be attracted to someone I have the feeling is stupider than I... I hate it when I feel a superiority complex (as in, I'm smarter than them), so  can't feel attracted to someone who isn't at least as smart as I (for instance, that close-minded guy who was spouting nonsense about animals is a definite red flag). 
• Smoking (any kind). Just hate it. 

[GloriaA]

I find interesting how many people have as a red flag the car thing ah ah As one of the no-driving type myself I would like to ask this:  if the person has a specific reason not to drive (personal trauma, for example, caused by being involved in a car accident) would that still count as a red flag? Just curious, I would like to understand better how others may percieve my lack of driving in real life.

 

As my red flag, uhm

1) One who is very insistent. I hate when people pressure me to answer quickly to their message and don't get at all that I can't and won't spend all my time glued to my computer screen or cellphone. I met a couple of dudes like these and they were the worst. Give a person some space.

2) One who is homophobic or racist.

3) People that compliments you only for your physical appearences and don't care at all for what you say to them. I like to have conversations, sorbolotte! And I'm willing to learn about the other person's passions (even if they are not my jam) to discuss them with my friend/partner, so it's only fair that he/she should do the same for me. I don't know if I'm making any sense.

4) One who gambles has an habit.

 

[SallyBlackwater]

If I'll ever stop feeling anxious about being in a relationship, here are my red flags:

 

1) Someone who is a homophobe, transphobe, racist, misogynist, because we would have very different opinions on things that I consider important;

2) Someone who either isn't present unless I contact them, or is too clingy. I know I'm weird, but I'm an introvert who at the same time would like to feel loved and wanted.

3) Someone who criticizes my hobbies. They don't necessarily have to have the same hobbies as me, but they should respect what I like.

4) Someone with a drugs/alcohol addiction.

5) Someone who is obsessed with calories or healthy food, to the point that they won't finish a pizza while on a date because they think it's fattening, or, worse, they start commenting on what I eat. If I had to be with someone, I'd want someone who enjoys food as much as I do! 

6) Someone who pressures me into having sex. If I ever had sex with anyone, it would be because I decided to have it, not because some asshole pressured me.

[seall]

Weighing in on the no car debate...

 

I choose not to own a car isn't really a financial decision so much as a values decision. Beyond the obvious fact that cars contribute to carbon dioxide emissions, they also cost a lot of money to maintain. Not having to pay for car insurance, gas, and repairs means that I can spend less time earning money and more time volunteering for organizations and political campaigns to build justice in the world. For the same reason, I don't ever aspire to have my own house or apartment.

 

My city doesn't have great public transit (the bus stops running around 10 pm). But it's small enough that I can bike or walk most places and I'm lucky to live close to downtown. Ideally, I'd have a good friend or partner I trusted, with whom I could share a car. Unfortunately, I'm too introverted for that to happen.

[dentedcanoe]

- poor hygiene

- flakiness/bailing on plans 

- being late all the time

- cell phone out at meals or at the movies

- relies on me to make all the plans

- poor money management

- can't cook

- picky eater/afraid to try new foods

- bigots: racists, homophobes, transphobes, misogynists etc

- pointing out all the time how smart you are/intentionally making other people feel stupid

- not liking animals

- wanting sex.  I am too eager to please and I end up compromising in a way that's unsustainable.

 

[SquidKen]

-Liking animals , especially cats or dogs, too much. I don't, it'll bore me or annoy me. Not a good match.

-Someone who has too many taboo topics. I mean, I won't pry into their trauma, but I want someone who can talk about just about anything. I suppose this can also include people who can only talk about one or two things.

-Can't take a joke. I'm going to make fun of and mock my partner, I'm bad with gentle people. I would never intend to hurt them, but if you can't handle some nonsense, we won't make it. I just can't walk on eggshells around someone that I'm supposed to spend my life with.

-I want cuddling and hand holding and kissing. With or without sex is okay, but I crave physical affection like that.

-Don't bother me about my eating habits. I don't drink soda and rarely eat candy, I try to avoid sugar. I'm not on a diet, don't tell me I'm small and don't need to diet. I don't care what anyone else eats. Also, don't tell me eating half a pizza breaks me "diet". Don't police my eating.

-If you tickle me, I am done with you

-If you read my writing without my permission, I will likely never trust you again.

-Can't talk about things that they disagree with.

-Insists we have to share the same hobbies and friends.

-No boi whu typ lyk dis or grl wu tinks iz cuit

-Sends me memes or animal pictures

There's a few of mine.

 

On the thought of no car, I guess it works. I would prefer a partner who can legally drive. My boyfriend doesn't currently drive, but has the ability to do so. He walks to the store, but that's about it. Visiting his mom, going into town, I drive him after my job or on my weekends. I don't always feel like doing so, honestly. However, he doesn't have a job. So, it makes sense to pay as little insurance as possible on his car and just not deal with it. He was supposed to get tabs and such and so he could drive me to physical therapy and couldn't/didn't, and when I woke in major pain, my dad had to pick me up and take me to urgent care. I couldn't use my left arm, move my neck, or even talk coherently, and my boyfriend couldn't drive me. Once I healed enough to move days later with painkillers, I had to stop talking all three because he couldn't drive me to my work to talk to my manager. I was in tears by the end of our shopping and needed my medication. If he had been able to drive his car ( he wasn't comfortable with my truck, which I understand), it would have been way easier, since he is literally home all day.

Now that I'm better, it's all okay again. Me being the sole driver works, even if it would be nice if he could go see his mom or go to town while I am at work. However, if we were not living together, this would be a much bugger issue. I would feel differently if I kept having to pick him up and take him home.

[MrDane]

On 6/3/2018 at 12:56 AM, Malum said:

Everyone has a few red flags when it comes to dating, and relationships. What are some that are deal breakers for you?

 

Here are a few of mine.

 

-They do not like animals. (Lacking in empathy maybe?)

-They immediately want to move in. (Desperation?)

-They have no car. (Do not have their life in order, and or have no financial status?)

-If they have a car, but do not take care of it. (Shows poor responsibility, and respect for belongings)

-They want sex (obvious haha)

If they wont allow me to find a way to have a nice sex life that will bring me joy and keep a depression away.

[Rhaenys]

- First world feminists

- Offended by everything/ EVERYTHING IS IS A CIST OR A PHOBE!!!

- Can't see or listen to political ideaology outside of their own ie. Close minded.

- Drug addicts

 

 

[Yatogami]

On 3/8/2018 at 8:37 AM, Kersenne said:

• People who don't like horses and animals in general. I intend to have dogs and horses someday, so someone who doesn't feel for animals won't work with me.

I do not like horses, but love animals. I was kicked in the face by a horse once, and since then I avoided them. 

 

On 3/8/2018 at 9:02 AM, GloriaA said:

I find interesting how many people have as a red flag the car thing ah ah As one of the no-driving type myself I would like to ask this:  if the person has a specific reason not to drive (personal trauma, for example, caused by being involved in a car accident) would that still count as a red flag? Just curious, I would like to understand better how others may perceived my lack of driving in real life.

 

If someone avoids cars for a personal reason, I can probably tolerate it. But, if our life becomes dependent on them getting to work at a different time then scheduled. It becomes very stressful. Especially if you have to ask for rides. 

 

Like, it would be impossible for a doctor/EMT to not have a car, compared to a 9-5 office worker. Since Doctors, and EMT have to be on call. Which creates issues for both parties. 

[Kersenne]

11 hours ago, Malum said:

I do not like horses, but love animals. I was kicked in the face by a horse once, and since then I avoided them. 

Well that makes sense! Many of my friends are not horsey people, so I guess I just don't want to hang out/ go out with people who are against me liking horses - if that makes sense^^