anamikanon Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Now that my ace has embraced his aceness, so to say, he's pelted me with a few quotes/jokes/stuff about aces. Witty conversational stuff. I am witty, and can make up stuff on the fly, but I realized I have a grand resource of ace-sexual stuff here. It could be my secret weapon I was wondering if any of you have favorites. So far, to something he said about ace people all being foodies I invented this one and we sort of bantered on... Me: SexySexualGal, as they are going out to a party. Whispers into AceClueless's ear "I'm not wearing panties tonight". Ace whispers back "I know. You never do. I thought they make you uncomfortable" Him: You should add "She looked upset, so he offered to go get them for her" Me: She should have said they can't go to a party like that without underwear and deprive him of all the food And so on. For an idea. I thought we've had too much of serious stuff going on. Think of it as a public service. I really need to find some laughs at the lemons life throws with my ace, or I'm going to put him in the dog house. Link to post Share on other sites
Platonic Underdog Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I tend to be amused by people telling aces certain "insulting" statements. For example... *Asexual and Sexual friends get into an argument* Sexual: "Screw you!" Ace: "No thanks." Sexual: *Eye proceeds to twitch* "Oh no, not this crap again! Get f***ed!" *Both are silent for a moment, sexual wants to believe they have won but knows the truth.* Ace (who is enjoying being a punk): *Raises an eyebrow* "Can't do that either." Sexual: "...." Sexual: "Dammit" *facepalm* Ace: "You really didn't help yourself there, bud." Not the funniest thing, but I'm a sarcastic lil so and so, so this is what amuses me 😅😀. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Platonic Underdog said: sarcastic lil so and so, so this is what amuses me I'm not very sarcastic but I found this funny lol Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Why did the asexual cross the road? He spotted a new restaurant. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 How many asexuals does it take to change a light bulb? None. Insisting it change would be invalidating. Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 17 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: How many asexuals does it take to change a light bulb? None. Insisting it change would be invalidating. Is this an ace joke or an AVENite joke? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 The overlap in that Venn diagram is huge... Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 In the spirit of the sexual part of this joke thread - How many sexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one - it's getting them to stop screwing that's the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said: How many asexuals does it take to change a light bulb? None. Insisting it change would be invalidating. 58 minutes ago, Chimeric said: In the spirit of the sexual part of this joke thread - How many sexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one - it's getting them to stop screwing that's the trick. ROFL. Ded laughing. Clearly I'm new to these jokes. Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Inmate 1: What're you in for? Inmate 2: Animal cruelty. Inmate 1: Don't tell anyone that. People hate cruel bastards. Inmate 2: I'm not cruel. I just got this new girlfriend who is cute and fun, but told the cops that I want to bbq her cat. Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 32 minutes ago, Treesarepretty said: Inmate 1: What're you in for? Inmate 2: Animal cruelty. Inmate 1: Don't tell anyone that. People hate cruel bastards. Inmate 2: I'm not cruel. I just got this new girlfriend who is cute and fun, but told the cops that I want to bbq her cat. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
squaggly Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 57 minutes ago, Treesarepretty said: Inmate 1: What're you in for? Inmate 2: Animal cruelty. Inmate 1: Don't tell anyone that. People hate cruel bastards. Inmate 2: I'm not cruel. I just got this new girlfriend who is cute and fun, but told the cops that I want to bbq her cat. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 13 minutes ago, squaggly said: I don't get it. One slang phrase for "giving a women oral sex" is "eating pussy." Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 18 hours ago, anamikanon said: ROFL. Ded laughing. Clearly I'm new to these jokes. They are funny lmao Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 16 hours ago, squaggly said: 17 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: Inmate 1: What're you in for? Inmate 2: Animal cruelty. Inmate 1: Don't tell anyone that. People hate cruel bastards. Inmate 2: I'm not cruel. I just got this new girlfriend who is cute and fun, but told the cops that I want to bbq her cat. I don't get it. OMG too much. @squagglyyou are the cutest of the aces. Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 16 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: One slang phrase for "giving a women oral sex" is "eating pussy." I'm asexual, and I know what it means, but the term has never made any sense to me either. Link to post Share on other sites
squaggly Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 1 hour ago, anamikanon said: OMG too much. @squagglyyou are the cutest of the aces. Awwww! That's so sweet of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 On 3/5/2018 at 8:44 AM, Platonic Underdog said: *Asexual and Sexual friends get into an argument* Sexual: "Screw you!" Ace: "No thanks." Sexual: *Eye proceeds to twitch* "Oh no, not this crap again! Get f***ed!" *Both are silent for a moment, sexual wants to believe they have won but knows the truth.* Ace (who is enjoying being a punk): *Raises an eyebrow* "Can't do that either." Sexual: "...." Sexual: "Dammit" *facepalm* Ace: "You really didn't help yourself there, bud." LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Robin Hood Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 This: http://pyrohydriscence.tumblr.com/post/104168226010/dduane-japhers-things-i-think-about-at Makes me laugh every time! A lot of my allosexual friends are really uncomfortable with basic things like snuggling which is always so funny to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Everyone's familiar with the "come to the dark side...we have cookies" I thought it'd be funny to change that to "come join us on Aven....we have cake" That might have sounded funnier in my head but it's all I could come up with atm Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 You're damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days! Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 So he tells me to wake him at 9:30am. I remember at 9:50am. Kissed him to remind. No effect. Stroked him. He pulled me into a cuddle. No intention of waking. Me: "You know that can get me all horny and waste half an hour of your time, right?" He woke up Me *thinking*: Who knew sex works better than a bucket of cold water to wake someone up? Link to post Share on other sites
Platonic Underdog Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Just now, Claire1983 said: *smirk* never had interest, never tried, so I think I can live with that. Now where's my 21 years of back pay? p.s genuinely curious, what would you do with that kind of money? Personally, I think it would be cool to open up a home for queer folks to go to if they need it. Also get a large place and rescue a bunch of dogs. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 4 minutes ago, Platonic Underdog said: *smirk* never had interest, never tried, so I think I can live with that. Now where's my 21 years of back pay? p.s genuinely curious, what would you do with that kind of money? Personally, I think it would be cool to open up a home for queer folks to go to if they need it. Also get a large place and rescue a bunch of dogs. Lol, I'm a bit selfish and I would retire and focus on my cosplay hobby. Also buy a beach house for family vacations and set aside some money for my niece and nephew to go to college. Also buy a bigger house and adopt a ton of cats. Link to post Share on other sites
Platonic Underdog Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 12 minutes ago, Claire1983 said: Lol, I'm a bit selfish and I would retire and focus on my cosplay hobby. Also buy a beach house for family vacations and set aside some money for my niece and nephew to go to college. Also buy a bigger house and adopt a ton of cats. Actually, that seems awesome. My idea kind of stems from a web comic that deals with homophobic parents. Whether or not I would have the mental capacity and health to deal with that kind of situation is another story 😓 Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 23 hours ago, Claire1983 said: I'd be like I'm buying a house and going on a few holidays ☺ 23 hours ago, Platonic Underdog said: years of back pay? If only lol Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 Too funny! Link to post Share on other sites
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