Zenith_Z Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 So, I have been pretty sure I am Ace for around 2 years now. The thing is, where I think I fit on the spectrum I just need some clarification that I do indeed fit under Ace (I know the whole thing about you fit into whichever label you feel fits you, but idk, I just want to make sure.) Where I fit on the spectrum is that while I do not feel any desire for any sort of sexual anything, and find the idea of anything more than cuddling (and rarely kissing) disgusting, I still find some females really attractive. When I think about it, its kinda weird feeling that I can look at a female and think that she is really attractive and everything but have no desire beyond just spending more time with that person. So I experience romantic and sensual and aesthetic attraction just not sexual. The reason I would like to make sure that this is Ace is because I recently read a thing about how sexuality is technically who you are attracted to, not how you are attracted to them. So while I am pretty sure I am Ace, the one thing that has bugged me for a while is that I still find people attractive and want to be in a relationship and everything, I just don't experience sexual desire or anything. Which sounds more like a how I am attracted to people than a who I am attracted to which is what sexuality normally means. Thanks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Look at it this way: If a man said ''I'm gay, meaning I find men attractive to look at but I only desire sex with women. I have no interest in having sex with a man, ever, that idea is quite literally repulsive to me, and on top of that, I'd be miserable if I couldn't have sexual relationships with women, I'd feel empty and desperate with desire. I need sexual intimacy with women in my life'', would people agree with this man that he's gay? No. Not one person, gay or straight, would agree that this man is gay. Because 'being attracted to people' really isn't enough to define an entire sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is who you are drawn to sexually, who you desire sexual intimacy with for your own pleasure (both emotional and sexual). If that whole 'desiring sex for pleasure with certain people of this specific gender' is NOT a part of your attraction, then you're not technically sexually attracted to that specific gender. In the case of asexuals, MANY of them can find people attractive to look at. Some even get spontaneous erections etc from seeing attractive people or from snuggling with someone they love or whatever. However what makes someone asexual is that regardless of whether or not they find anyone attractive to look at, even if that attraction can make them horny, they have no desire to connect sexually with other people regardless of how attractive they find them or how horny they are. An asexual might have a healthy libido and masturbate regularly, but they have no innate preference to have another person involved in that sexual release. Some asexuals may also have sex for all sorts of reasons, like to please a partner, to have a baby, to punish themselves, to try to teach themselves to want sex, but they'd still always be happiest without partnered sex in their life, and they'd never be unhappy at the prospect of never being able to have it again, even though they can actively desire romantic relationships and be drawn to certain romantic partners based on appearance, personality, etc etc, just like sexual people. The ace just doesn't desire to connect sexually with their romantic partner for pleasure though, that's the difference. So in summary: You sound like a 100% normal run-of-the-mill asexual That whole 'attraction' aspect of it gets lots of people confused, which is why there is a push by some people in this community to change the definition of asexuality to - Someone who has no desire to connect sexually with other people for sexual and/or emotional pleasure. In comparison to a sexual person, who does desire to connect sexually with other people for pleasure, for all sorts of different reasons. Hope that helps Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zenith_Z Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 14 minutes ago, FictoVore. said: Look at it this way: If a man said ''I'm gay, meaning I find men attractive to look at but I only desire sex with women. I have no interest in having sex with a man, ever, that idea is quite literally repulsive to me, and on top of that, I'd be miserable if I couldn't have sexual relationships with women, I'd feel empty and desperate with desire. I need sexual intimacy with women in my life'', would people agree with this man that he's gay? No. Not one person, gay or straight, would agree that this man is gay. Because 'being attracted to people' really isn't enough to define an entire sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is who you are drawn to sexually, who you desire sexual intimacy with for your own pleasure (both emotional and sexual). If that whole 'desiring sex for pleasure with certain people of this specific gender' is NOT a part of your attraction, then you're not technically sexually attracted to that specific gender. In the case of asexuals, MANY of them can find people attractive to look at. Some even get spontaneous erections etc from seeing attractive people or from snuggling with someone they love or whatever. However what makes someone asexual is that regardless of whether or not they find anyone attractive to look at, even if that attraction can make them horny, they have no desire to connect sexually with other people regardless of how attractive they find them or how horny they are. An asexual might have a healthy libido and masturbate regularly, but they have no innate preference to have another person involved in that sexual release. Some asexuals may also have sex for all sorts of reasons, like to please a partner, to have a baby, to punish themselves, to try to teach themselves to want sex, but they'd still always be happiest without partnered sex in their life, and they'd never be unhappy at the prospect of never being able to have it again, even though they can actively desire romantic relationships and be drawn to certain romantic partners based on appearance, personality, etc etc, just like sexual people. The ace just doesn't desire to connect sexually with their romantic partner for pleasure though, that's the difference. So in summary: You sound like a 100% normal run-of-the-mill asexual That whole 'attraction' aspect of it gets lots of people confused, which is why there is a push by some people in this community to change the definition of asexuality to - Someone who has no desire to connect sexually with other people for sexual and/or emotional pleasure. In comparison to a sexual person, who does desire to connect sexually with other people for pleasure, for all sorts of different reasons. Hope that helps Thank you very much for your reply, I really appreciate it! I really needed someone to give me some confidence towards how I see myself in terms of whether I am actually Ace or not! Have a great rest of your day (or night depending on where you are)! Again, I appreciate it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gldlynch Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 2 hours ago, Zenith_Z said: So I experience romantic and sensual and aesthetic attraction just not sexual. Hey Zenith_Z To be perfectly honest, you sound like you know yourself very well. From reading your post it sounds like a classic ace scenario to me (: FictoVore sums it all up pretty well. Sexuality is about who we are sexually attracted to, aka, who we wouldn't mind going "all the way" with to please our own (and their's) sexual satisfaction. If you feel that this is absent from your life, then you are probably asexual. Asexuality can mean a person is 100% asexual to the point where they are sex-repulsed, or it could fall as an umbrella term which cover the likes of grey-ace and demisexual orientations. It's up to you how specifically you want to identify yourself. Best of luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Asexuals can experience romantic/sensual/aesthetic attraction, just not aesthetic attraction. It does answer the question of who you are sexually attracted to: no one. So yes, you sound asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 5 hours ago, TheAP said: Asexuals can experience romantic/sensual/aesthetic attraction, just not aesthetic attraction. It does answer the question of who you are sexually attracted to: no one. So yes, you sound asexual. Just for clarification, The AP means 'just not sexual attraction' in case you weren't sure! I do that too where I accidentally type something completely different from what I'm trying to say then I notice like a month later and I'm like 'nuuuuuu'! One time I wrote 'Asexuals can desire romance, they just have no interest in romantic intimacy' which made it sound like aces don't ever want to kiss or snuggle or anything, lol. I meant 'they just have no interest in sexual intimacy' but I didn't realize I'd made that mistake for like a month after heaps of people had read the comment Y_Y Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 26 minutes ago, FictoVore. said: Just for clarification, The AP means 'just not sexual attraction' in case you weren't sure! I do that too where I accidentally type something completely different from what I'm trying to say then I notice like a month later and I'm like 'nuuuuuu'! One time I wrote 'Asexuals can desire romance, they just have no interest in romantic intimacy' which made it sound like aces don't ever want to kiss or snuggle or anything, lol. I meant 'they just have no interest in sexual intimacy' but I didn't realize I'd made that mistake for like a month after heaps of people had read the comment Y_Y Oops. Yes, I meant not sexual attraction. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zenith_Z Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Thank you very much everyone! I really appreciate all the responses, you have finally put that idea that kept bugging me to rest! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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