I should have known I was asexual when....

[knittinghistorian]

On 5/18/2018 at 1:58 AM, Haywire said:

I think I kind of always knew I wasn't exactly like everyone else, but I wasn't privy to the fact that people could be ace, and was never given evidence to suggest I was gay, so I assumed I was straight with some kind of problem. I feel like I knew I was ace exactly when I should have, which is to say, once I learned asexuality existed.

Ditto! Exactly.

[KnowinglyDifferent]

I feel like I've always known, but I was just told that I was being immature.

 

I should have known when my mom tried to have "the talk" with me on six different occasions and had to resort to talking about it over dinner so I couldn't leave. 

[Sweet Potato]

when my (then) husband was trying to seduce me and my response was "I'm doing dishes, could you just back off?" because yeah, I'd rather do dishes.

[Sweet Potato]

On 5/23/2018 at 12:37 AM, madimoose said:

i was genuinely shocked when i found out some people actually have sex more than once a week and want it. like, that doesn’t only happen on grey’s anatomy?

him: I haven't been laid in forever!

me: we did it 2 weeks ago what is the problem?

[Bronztrooper]

On 5/25/2018 at 10:11 PM, Miss Who said:

In third grade, I was working on a project with these two boys I wasn't particularly fond of. This conversation happened.

Boy 1 (who I think was talking about me): Dude she's hot.

Me: What's hot mean?

Boy 2: You don't know what it means?

Me: Are you talking about temperature wise?

Boy 1: Oh, dude, she's from Ohio.

Boy 2: Ohhh. 

Boy 1 then explains what it means.

Me becomes very confused and cocks head.

Wait..... what does being from Ohio have to do with anything?  🤨

[Mx. Who]

I have absolutely no idea. Probably nothing to be honest. 

[TKD4]

On 5/25/2018 at 10:11 PM, Miss Who said:

In third grade, I was working on a project with these two boys I wasn't particularly fond of. This conversation happened.

Boy 1 (who I think was talking about me): Dude she's hot.

Me: What's hot mean?

Boy 2: You don't know what it means?

Me: Are you talking about temperature wise?

Boy 1: Oh, dude, she's from Ohio.

Boy 2: Ohhh. 

Boy 1 then explains what it means.

Me becomes very confused and cocks head.

I'm from Ohio too! Must be something in the water lol

[Aroace_bookworm]

When friends talked about 'hot guys', and the only people other than me who weren't interested later came out as lesbian, but that label didn't really fit me

[Lancer]

I started skimming/skipping chapters/scenes with too much romantic content so I could get back to the magic swords.

[Athena32]

I should have known...

 

When I was younger, and I always made a big deal out of being grossed out by kissing scenes.  I used to cover my eyes and say "Eww" really loudly, and my parents laughed at it. Now I'm a little quieter in my disgust (I just avert my eyes). 

 

When I had way too much fun in sex ed, because human sexuality is "a fascinating topic." Is that normal?

 

When I skimmed sex scenes in books purely out of curiosity, while feeling extremely uncomfortable. 

 

When I watched a Fifth Harmony video and wondered why the men weren't wearing shirts (Isn't it cold?) 

[Rei-Hito]

I should have probably known every moment someone mentioned that a person was hot and they would ask my opinion.

Generally my reply was usually either "I guess they look alright" or "They are pretty symmetrical I guess" . 

Of course if I was asked my opinion about a girl it changed to "She is cute" so that kinda played a part in me thinking that I was sexual for the longest time. 

 

Besides that was also the fact that I never was perturbed by mixed hot springs, I just assumed it was normal not to be bothered. 

[kobrakid]

From when I was like 5 years old I've always been telling my family that I don't ever want to marry. This continues even to this day (I'm 16).

When friends asked me if I'd consider sex before marriage, I'd always say I'm saving myself for marriage, but if they ask me if I'd ever want to marry I say no XD

 

Also, I always thought friends with benefits meant that you pretend to be in a relationship with other person just so you seem taken so other people won't bother you by asking you out or something. I should've guessed it sooner I was asexual tbh XD

[Bronztrooper]

On 6/1/2018 at 9:24 AM, kobrakid said:

From when I was like 5 years old I've always been telling my family that I don't ever want to marry. This continues even to this day (I'm 16).

When friends asked me if I'd consider sex before marriage, I'd always say I'm saving myself for marriage, but if they ask me if I'd ever want to marry I say no XD

 

Also, I always thought friends with benefits meant that you pretend to be in a relationship with other person just so you seem taken so other people won't bother you by asking you out or something. I should've guessed it sooner I was asexual tbh XD

Honestly, I think the term 'friends with benefits' is pretty messed up.  It implies that friendship alone isn't beneficial to anyone, but once the friends start having sex with each other, it's suddenly 'beneficial'.

[The Flighty Ace]

23 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Honestly, I think the term 'friends with benefits' is pretty messed up.  It implies that friendship alone isn't beneficial to anyone, but once the friends start having sex with each other, it's suddenly 'beneficial'.

I had a "friend" in college who was trying to catch me on the rebound. We'd been cordial up until then, but I'd always gotten a bad vibe from him and limited my exposure.

 

When I broke up with my boyfriend, he cornered me in a computer lab while I cried on his shoulder, then flat-out out forced a kiss on me. I told him it wouldn't work but ever since then, he must've been under the impression that a single kiss meant we were dating, because he hung all over me for the next two weeks, getting especially touchy-feely when I talked to my other male friends. Toward the end of the two weeks he brought up the idea of a friends-with-benefits thing, because he was moving back to his native Philippines in a few days and "wanted something to remember me by".

 

Needless to say, the FwB thing never happened, despite his urgent insistence through text messages and in person. When he got back to the Philippines, he for some reason felt the need to message me telling me he was doing twins, and that "hey if you wanna meet up when I visit again I'd look forward to it ;)". Trying to...make me jealous that he was having sex and I wasn't? I just felt sorry for those twins he was turning his attention on (if there really was a set of twins and he didn't just mean his left and right hands).

[spacedaydreamer]

You'd think I would've gotten it back in middle school, considering one of the people in my class would make everything into a dirty joke- but i got none of them, pfft. Half the time i was just more curious how something so seemingly innocent could have any sort of double-entendre to it, and at the very least I learned a lot? I generally get nsfw jokes now at least, lmao.

 

Not to mention the fact that I've never had any desire for sex, and even when i did get a crush the most intense it ever was was just a super hardcore desire to cuddle. Loved sitting with him! But the moment we did anything like kiss, it was just weird and not for me. 

[Thatcher]

I should have known when my mom was explaining birth control methods to me (I was around 14yrs old) and my response was:

 

"If people don't want to get pregnant, why don't they just not have sex? Why waste your money on all that stuff?"

 

Lord, the look she gave me.

[Homer]

I guess having the opportunity presented to me, with someone I really liked and who looked more than just somewhat presentable lying very close next to me, and still feeling absolutely zero urge to make a move because meh could have been a hint.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

Wow, this thread is so informative! ☺️

 

Here's my personal 'ace checklist'

-I love being single and would rather have good friends

 

-Sex scenes in media are (generally) unnecessary, the main exception being if it's actually relevant to the plot somehow.

 

-Very few Crushes in middle/high school (I'm actually slightly gray, the best way I've found to explain it is that I'm 'aware' of sexual stuff but it's highly unusual for me to be 'enticed' by it. I do have a sense of of 'hot' or 'sexy' but it's all mental/intellectual)

 

-No celebrity crushes

 

-Finding how sexually willing most other highschoolers were made me uncomfortable.

 

-'Macho/Jock' guys who loudly talk about sex stuff all the damn time are annoying. I'm bothered by how 'loud' these types usually are, rather than the content. If someone wants to talk about that in a quieter, civilized manner it's fine.

 

-Never wanting children (Luckily my parents don't pressure me either way on this, they don't care that I've been single for 13 years either)

 

-Don't want to share a bed with someone, not into cuddling

 

-Not into touching, esp. blatantly erotic touching, respect my personal space (I"m fine with hugging and kissing (mouth/cheek only), and handholding, but don't try to lay on top of me, or touch my groin area)

 

-When I did date it was about getting to know the person more rather than wanting sex. (highschool, and I only had 2 girlfriends ever, and not at the same time, there was a gap of about a year between them) froze up in a state of shock/surprise when offered sex by them. This happened twice (once per person) both relationships ended shortly after

 

-Finding drawn porn of fictional characters and noticing how well/poorly it's made.

 

-Preferring people being clothed instead of naked (I have some aesthetic clothing 'fetishes')

 

-Sexy adverts don't work on me (I sometimes find them funny/amusing though)

 

-When you really can’t be bothered to date and don’t understand why everyone else needs to be with someone.
(I can understand the appeal even though it's not for me, it's the 'big deal' about it all that I don't get)

 

I actually had romantic and sexual fantasies in middle school and high school, but when I tried romance it felt weird. Not bad, exactly. But I couldn't see the big deal.

[will123]

1 hour ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

Wow, this thread is so informative! ☺️

 

Here's my personal 'ace checklist'

-I love being single and would rather have good friends

Same here

 

-Sex scenes in media are (generally) unnecessary, the main exception being if it's actually relevant to the plot somehow.

 

-Very few Crushes in middle/high school (I'm actually slightly gray, the best way I've found to explain it is that I'm 'aware' of sexual stuff but it's highly unusual for me to be 'enticed' by it. I do have a sense of of 'hot' or 'sexy' but it's all mental/intellectual)

I had no crushes or romantic interests during high shool

 

-No celebrity crushes

I think Shirley Jones of The Partridge Family was the only celebrity I thought was pretty when I was a kid 

 

-Finding how sexually willing most other highschoolers were made me uncomfortable.

 

-'Macho/Jock' guys who loudly talk about sex stuff all the damn time are annoying. I'm bothered by how 'loud' these types usually are, rather than the content. If someone wants to talk about that in a quieter, civilized manner it's fine.

I never was exposed much to the jocks at my high school so I can't say if they were like that or not.

 

-Never wanting children (Luckily my parents don't pressure me either way on this, they don't care that I've been single for 13 years either)

Having kids wasn't on my radar. My parents never said anything to me about marriage or kids (I have a brother). I think they knew I was happy with the ways things were going for me (I generally was).

 

-Don't want to share a bed with someone, not into cuddling

I have shared beds with females, but it was more out of convenience than possible sexual activity.

 

-Not into touching, esp. blatantly erotic touching, respect my personal space (I"m fine with hugging and kissing (mouth/cheek only), and handholding, but don't try to lay on top of me, or touch my groin area)

 

I'm OK with hugging. I've never had a girl get 'physical' with me.

 

-When I did date it was about getting to know the person more rather than wanting sex. (highschool, and I only had 2 girlfriends ever, and not at the same time, there was a gap of about a year between them) froze up in a state of shock/surprise when offered sex by them. This happened twice (once per person) both relationships ended shortly after

 

You can add panic to that. Happened to me once. Initially I was more upset about the friendship ending as a result  than the fact that I wasn't interested in sexual activity.

 

 

[levelskid]

Porn was easy for me to quit. (And if I'm being honest, I find it disgusting most of the time. Reading it is more tolerable)

I never had an interest to date or put up with relationships

Reading business books sounded better than a hookup

When I look at girls and guys, I either find them equally attractive or know they should be and not feeling anything more

I question what's wrong with the friend zone

When girls and some guys are surprised that when I come up to chat with them, it's just to chat and make friends only

There's probably more I missed.

[white crayon]

- when friends asked me who I had a crush on and I said nobody, and they said ‘tell us, we won’t judge’ so I just pretended to be too embarrassed to say until they moved on to someone else’s crush

- when I looked at pictures of all the boys in my grade in the yearbook to try and decide who I had a crush on (because obviously it had to be *someone*) and I settled for the least gross boy 

- when I heard that a couple had kissed in the beginning of middle school and I was just confused and grossed out

- when I thought I was friends with a boy a year older and he asked if I had a crush on him and I nearly broke down crying at the thought and never spoke to him again 

- when I lied to my friends and told them I had a crush on a boy that had moved and I eventually had to tell them I lied and to stop teasing me about him because it was so embarrassing and annoying 

- there are definitely a lot more instances of me being blatantly asexual and not realising it, but that’s enough for now

[Bronztrooper]

One I forgot to mention:  Not really understanding the criteria behind 'dirty talk'.

[laurenkaye]

This is honestly such a great topic!

 

For me:

 

• I always felt super uncomfortable when my friends talked about their romantic/sexual ambitions because I had literally nothing to contribute to the conversation. It made me feel like a five year old sitting at the "grown ups table"

 

• I hated dating and sensual stuff/sex with a passion, even when I was dating perfectly nice and attractive people

 

• When I was little I never understood why girls got so excited about their dream weddings. The idea of marriage sounded like hell on earth

 

• Becoming extremely depressed at the thought that I would someday have to marry some guy I didn't even like just because that's how life works and I would be a social outcast if I didn't

[Lancer]

I thought the other kids had crushes and acted silly about it because they wanted to play pretend that they were like the adults in movies.

[SylviaDragon]

I should have known i was asexual when....

- I did not have crushes growing up. I only had one, and honestly the bar was horribly low on that one. my reasoning was quite literally: "well you look like a hamster but you're the only one here that doesn't bully me so you're my favorite." 

- having friends or family members nudge me and say "hes cute" or "there are a lot of hot guys here today." and I would ask them "where?" with a deer in the headlights look, followed by a confused "oh." before going back to what I was doing. 

- one time my friend told me he avoided telling sexual stories and jokes around me because i just didn't seem to "get" them like a normal person would. my reaction? "cool, thanks!" 

- when i was younger I would hide behind my religion (even though i didn't believe in it and am very much against it) just so i could tell potential boyfriends that I was "waiting for marriage." I would parrot whatever sunday school spiel I had heard the day before about staying pure but the blunt truth of the matter was I was intentionally stalling. I thought that in the time it took me to get married to someone, i would have become desensitized enough to them that i could tolerate sex.... none of this struck me as odd. 

-the first time i heard of asexuality was in a Cracked article. I remember feeling pretty jealous of the people in the article and their lifestyle. and part of me honestly expected to see the people in the comment section breathing a sigh of relief about how sex wasn't such a big deal after all and everyone could drop the act. (because I was half convinced everyone was playing up the importance of sex in some kind of universal on-going joke.)

.....thats not what the people in the comment section thought though.

[umbasa]

On 5/29/2018 at 5:55 AM, Lancer said:

I started skimming/skipping chapters/scenes with too much romantic content so I could get back to the magic swords.

Haha, yes!

 

Every time there was a love triangle - which is every YA novel ever - I rolled my eyes. You're fighting for your life / saving the world, you ain't got time for this bullshit!

[Lancer]

7 minutes ago, umbasa said:

Haha, yes!

 

Every time there was a love triangle - which is every YA novel ever - I rolled my eyes. You're fighting for your life / saving the world, you ain't got time for this bullshit!

[Lancer]

16 minutes ago, umbasa said:

Haha, yes!

 

Every time there was a love triangle - which is every YA novel ever - I rolled my eyes. You're fighting for your life / saving the world, you ain't got time for this bullshit!

Sorry for the double post, my phone is being weird.  But yes!  Priorities!  The dumb jealousy triangle is why Half-Blood Prince was my least favorite HP.  xD

[umbasa]

1 minute ago, Lancer said:

Sorry for the double post, my phone is being weird.  But yes!  Priorities!  The dumb jealousy triangle is why Half-Blood Prince was my least favorite HP.  xD

Yep. And even when there is no world to save surely there's more pressing matters to attend to?

 

I just get frustrated and think "Just pick one guy and get the touchy stuff over with. That way, we never have to talk about it ever again for the rest of the book!"

[Roguepire]

There was several instances where I really should have known. And to some extent, I always  did, I just didn't have a word for it. Here are a few that stand out.

- I too was one of those kids who never wanted to get married. As it seemed like it caused a lot of problems with no benefit.

- When taking classes at the zoo and hearing about a few snakes not actually needed to have sex every time to get pregnant and how cool that was. I mean, I don't want kids. But if we could figure this out it would make it so much easier for those that do. 😂 who knew people actually wanted to have sex.

- Conversation with a friend after being asked what guys I like: "I don't like any guys." * short pause, then scolding tone* "you don't like girls, do you?" " No, no. I don't like girls" "well then there has to be some guy."