Acing It Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 When you were out with a friend and you realise years later it was supposed to be a date. 🤣 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 On 11/30/2019 at 7:33 PM, IrishArcher said: I don't know if this counts, but I remember when I first learned the word "masturbation" (I must have been in 7th grade) it took me several months to finally understand the definition. I remember looking it up, reading the textbook definition, and contemplating it with utter confusion for a very long time. I had no idea how it was supposed to work, or how the concept ever occurred to anyone. Then again, that may have just been the result of a sheltered upbringing and a lack of exposure to sexual content before that time. Could be worse, I didn’t find out what that word meant until 11th grade and spent half of 10th grade arguing with people who claimed that it was impossible to not have ever done it. My thought process was that if I didn’t know what something meant, I most likely hadn’t done it (and in this case I was correct). 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 6 hours ago, Acing It said: When you were out with a friend and you realise years later it was supposed to be a date. 🤣 On the 21st I ended up agreeing to a date without realizing it.. I still wasn’t sure if it was meant as a date until I saw my friend a few days later (I was apparently the first guy ever allowed to go to her house) and she talked about that being her first date.. 7 hours ago, Stupsi said: I fully realised today, once again, when my friend and I were talking about how we both had a crush on a friend (not the same person). When I described what having a crush was like for me, I said how I really enjoyed dancing to "Angels" by Robbie Williams with him and how I'd written him a poem and put so much effort into a birthday present, and that I might want to confess my feelings soon (by the way, any tips for that???). And she said how she's been fancying this guy, who is "very hot". She does not want a relationship, but she said it would be nice to have a sex life, and in the end she said she just wants "a dick". I must have said something like "...fair enough" when I actually thought "wtf, can't relate". I’d suggest simply asking to hang out with him and go from there, no need to overthink it. If he declines for some reason, question the reason for why he couldn’t before getting upset. He may be oblivious like me and not realize that it’s a date, and that is ok. Advice from an ace guy that’s been asked out 2-3 times by different girls. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eutierria Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 ISHKIWAW I brought a bag of dinosaurs to university when I was 18 to decorate my shelves during my time in halls. (This is a more light-hearted one since I've noticed a larger number of ace friends who like dinosaurs 😂). 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 On 12/1/2019 at 5:34 PM, Stupsi said: I fully realised today, once again, when my friend and I were talking about how we both had a crush on a friend (not the same person). When I described what having a crush was like for me, I said how I really enjoyed dancing to "Angels" by Robbie Williams with him and how I'd written him a poem and put so much effort into a birthday present, and that I might want to confess my feelings soon (by the way, any tips for that???). And she said how she's been fancying this guy, who is "very hot". She does not want a relationship, but she said it would be nice to have a sex life, and in the end she said she just wants "a dick". I must have said something like "...fair enough" when I actually thought "wtf, can't relate". Me and my hs bffs convos in a nutshell LMAOOO YEP. That was the "when". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dayton159 Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I swam from age 6 all the way through high school, so I spent a lot of time around shirtless, muscular guys. I didn’t understand the attraction to this that other people always talked about, so I figured swimming must have “desensitized” me or something... I had a good laugh when I realized the true reason! (Also @Eutierria dinosaurs are awesome!!) 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 On 5/23/2020 at 2:44 AM, Dayton159 said: I swam from age 6 all the way through high school, so I spent a lot of time around shirtless, muscular guys. I didn’t understand the attraction to this that other people always talked about, so I figured swimming must have “desensitized” me or something... I had a good laugh when I realized the true reason! (Also @Eutierria dinosaurs are awesome!!) Your feeling of sexual attraction had become 'washed out' in other words 😂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 Yeah, swimming is an exercise, I do a bit of running most days and any arousal or anything disappears that’s apparent to me. It’s like any energy that would otherwise be used for any stimulation is instead used for exercise. But I’m asexual and I know the entire opposite can be true for another that can experience even more libido the fitter a person gets and there’s others that do exercise for that very reason to improve libido and feel more sexier for themselves or others. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Moopium Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 I've got a few: Always fast-forwarding through the sex scenes in movies when I was younger (now I just endure them). When I was around 16 or 17, one of my friends brought up the topic of masturbation (we never really talked about sex much because it wasn't a subject I was that interested in) and I told him that I didn't masturbate. (I do now, but not that often.) When he asked me why I didn't, I felt compelled to give him an explanation - so I made up some ridiculous theory as a cover by saying that I didn't do it because touching yourself sexually was gay and that since I wasn't gay I didn't masturbate. My friend laughed at me and said that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. Whenever women made advances towards me (even if I liked them), I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and reject them. The one and only time I did have sex was interesting. I can't say I hated how it felt physically and I don't regret trying it out, but I remember thinking afterwards that it really wasn't even worth the effort of driving there and that I would rather have spent my time hanging out with a friend or playing a video game. Family members and friends would ask me about crushes which I always had to make up some kind of excuse as to why too busy with school or work to focus on girls right now, and on the rare occasions that I did have a crush I was usually uncomfortable admitting it. Eventually there was speculation that I was gay, and there still is to this day. I also remember fantasising about being in a relationship, but sex was never something that came up in the fantasies. Mostly, I strongly desired close companionship, and just doing cute couple things together like going on holiday and playing video games together. I never wanted to use Tinder because of it's reputation as a hookup app. I had a crush on this girl and was attempting to form an intimate relationship with her and I remember thinking that it was odd that despite the fact I was infatuated with her and considered her to be very pretty, that I couldn't even picture myself having sex with her and felt uncomfortable about the prospect that it might be something I would eventually have to do with her. I tried to picture what she would look like naked and it just didn't do anything for me. I liked her face, and even the way her body looked in clothes, but picturing her naked was not that exciting. And this was the first girl I had been in any way attracted towards for at least three years. Suffice to say, a couple of months later I figured out why... 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stupsi Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 One day, when I was about 14, my friend started to bring up sex in a conversation. She asked what I thought the ideal age would be to have sex for the first time, and said that she thought 16/17 was perfect. That got me thinking "EEEH no, that's way too soon", so I said that I thought one should be at least 18 or 19. (This doesn't exclusively relate to asexuality, it's more about whether someone is ready to start becoming sexually active - and obviously there is no 'right' age for it as everyone is different - but I personally do think 14 is too early). The situation shows that sex has never been something that was on my mind or that I thought concerned me, which has not changed until today. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bronztrooper Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Moopium said: I also remember fantasising about being in a relationship, but sex was never something that came up in the fantasies. Mostly, I strongly desired close companionship, and just doing cute couple things together like going on holiday and playing video games together. Oh god, I did the same thing, though I also tried to make myself try to visualize sex (never with anyone specific, though- kind of like there was a mental block there) because I just accepted it as an inevitability, even though now I realize that I'm very much sex-averse. Really, I just prefer thinking about the companionship aspect of it. Especially playing games together. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GeniusWithWings Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 On 3/8/2018 at 4:24 PM, TKD4 said: In high school people would always ask me who I thought the hottest guys in our grade were and I was like "Um no one?" to which they'd respond about how I don't have to want to date them, just who I thought was hot and my answer was still the same but in a more confused tone lol People would try to narrow it down for me even more and be like, "If you were the last women on earth who would you repopulate the world with," and I was always like, "No one, let it burn". 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stupsi Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 On 5/26/2020 at 12:20 AM, GeniusWithWings said: People would try to narrow it down for me even more and be like, "If you were the last women on earth who would you repopulate the world with," and I was always like, "No one, let it burn". Wow, teenagers are so weird to even ask that kind of question... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Stupsi said: Wow, teenagers are so weird to even ask that kind of question... Well my friends, usually tame, have asked "would you rather be the rapist or the rapee (person being raped)?" I told my clueless mom about that and she said she didn't want to be either. She'd be no fun at "would you rather" games in general. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sometimes Jack Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 1. All the girls around me: boy bands!!!! me: why? They're teenagers; it's not like they'd be interested in us if they knew us. They are basically strangers who can sing. Songs I don't even care for. 2. High school friend, explaining to an adult about her bi-sexual friend while I happened to be listening in: 'Around the time she started noticing boys, she started noticing girls.' Me (in my head): 'noticing'? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???? 3. Me (fantasizing about my 'celebrity crush'): I am just like everyone else. Sure it took me until my twenties and my favorite book adapting into a film but I too admire celebrities. Also me: Fantasizing about me and celebrity meeting and somehow discovering we are distant family members. Also me: 'Wait, you want to hook up with your celebrity crush? But..but they're married. You'd want to break that up? why?' 4. Me: Learns what 'asexual' means. also me: I find people attractive, occasionally feel drawn to them, and (possibly TMI) have a libido. That obviously does not apply to me. 5. Me (after writing an entire fanfiction featuring an asexual Sherlock): I don't get why people can't relate to asexuality. I find it totally relatable and easy to understand. 6. Me (after existing for over thirty years, spending a good deal of that time struggling and failing to figure out my own sexuality, a thing most everyone else seems to naturally just 'know'): learns about gray sexual through the power of fanfiction. "Maybe that's me! Maybe I'm gray sexual, because I do find people attractive and have a sex drive and all but the two facts are mostly unrelated'. Also me: wait...have I ever, in the entirety of my life...wanted to have sex with another person? Answer: No. Nope. Not even a little. That's not gray sexual. That's straight up asexual. Epiphany. Also feel kind of stupid to not make the connection before. But mostly elation: I have figured myself out! I know who I am! Also me: now what's this about romantic attraction. aromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, etc.... sigh. back to the drawing board. (for those curious, due to my reaction to pursuit by a perfectly likable guy who claims he'd be happy never having sex, I am leaning towards aromantic. but I cant' rule out homoromantic or just-not-attracted-to-him-romantic) 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChickenMayo Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 i figured that i'm an asexual (aroace) when i was 15, knowing that i don't feel any physical or even sexual attraction to anyone. Also, when someone talks to me about sex, suddenly i just feel uninterested, or worse, uncomfortable. At first, i thought probably there's something wrong with me, but I'm just glad that i found out i'm an asexual and i can be more acceptance towards myself in the future. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zyph Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 My freshman year of high school, there was a big stigma against Mountain Dew. When I saw other students drinking it, others were always concerned they'd lose sperm count. I didn't understand how that could be considered a big deal; after all, that's not even a metric I even care about. Also, I went to do a bit of research before posting this and apparently, that isn't even true. Anyways, that's besides the point. One time, I went ahead and drank a bit of Mountain Dew during lunch. My friend who I was sitting with expressed the same concern about the soda. I said that I didn't care and he asked me questions like "but don't you care about..." (avoided saying anything directly). I said no to the questions and that was that. On an unrelated note, I also found it weird whenever someone called another person "hot". 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 5 hours ago, Dayja said: Also me: now what's this about romantic attraction. aromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, etc.... sigh. back to the drawing board. (for those curious, due to my reaction to pursuit by a perfectly likable guy who claims he'd be happy never having sex, I am leaning towards aromantic. but I cant' rule out homoromantic or just-not-attracted-to-him-romantic) @Dayja I found out about asexuality and AVEN back in 2005. Reading a newspaper article and a bit of surfing on AVEN (mentioned in the article), made me realise that, yes I was asexual even though I had never heard of it as part of the 'human condition'. My life experience pretty much fit. I identified as asexual and went on my merry way. On a lark I Googled AVEN back in 2017 and the forum was still around. This time I signed up. Going forward and surfing around I saw people refer to themselves as aromantic or aro. By this point my eyes had glazed over after seeing the multitude of -sexual labels. I looked up aromantic and it was a just as big if not bigger 'aha moment' as when I found out about asexuality! I had known back in the 80s when I was in my 20s that I wasn't interested in having a 'steady' girlfriend (nor was I attracted romantically or sexually towards guys). So since late 2018, I've tacked aro onto my identity too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, Zyph said: My freshman year of high school, there was a big stigma against Mountain Dew. When I saw other students drinking it, others were always concerned they'd lose sperm count. I didn't understand how that could be considered a big deal; after all, that's not even a metric I even care about. Also, I went to do a bit of research before posting this and apparently, that isn't even true. Anyways, that's besides the point. One time, I went ahead and drank a bit of Mountain Dew during lunch. My friend who I was sitting with expressed the same concern about the soda. I said that I didn't care and he asked me questions like "but don't you care about..." (avoided saying anything directly). I said no to the questions and that was that. On an unrelated note, I also found it weird whenever someone called another person "hot". I had to look that up: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/43ggk3/mountain-dew-sperm-count-rumor Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 7 hours ago, Dayja said: 6. Me (after existing for over thirty years, spending a good deal of that time struggling and failing to figure out my own sexuality, a thing most everyone else seems to naturally just 'know'): learns about gray sexual through the power of fanfiction. "Maybe that's me! Maybe I'm gray sexual, because I do find people attractive and have a sex drive and all but the two facts are mostly unrelated'. Also me: wait...have I ever, in the entirety of my life...wanted to have sex with another person? Answer: No. Nope. Not even a little. That's not gray sexual. That's straight up asexual. When looking up terms, I found demisexual. I thought, "yes! I am definitely demi-. I don't associate with people unless I have an emotional connection with them." Then I realized that it wasn't the sexual part. It was the platonic part. I feel all warm and cuddly when I have a friend that I'm connected with. Now, I'm thinking, well I might be demisexual. But I'm not close enough to anyone right now to find that out. Plus being aro, I'm not going to go out and date someone. I guess I'll just never know. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kinghesta Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 I have always always thought everyone was exaggerating when they were talking about having sex at the age of 14 or something... I am 18 now and I still think of people around me that they're too young? I thought everyone was faking this but I'm starting to realise they're not, they actually want to have sex at this age and I am the exception haha? Also I think I was about 15 when I heard on the news of a girl that got pregnant at the age of 12. I wondered for weeks about how she could have gotten pregnant, because sure she hadn't had sex at that age yet right?? It was so insane to me... But yeah I have slowly been realising that those sort of things? They are pretty common or something? I just still do not have that sex drive AT ALL and I don't think it will change haha. I'll have to get used to others then:) 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuoVadis Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 I'd always want to discuss music, cooking, finances, psychology, history, podcasts, books, or literally anything else with my exes than get in a situation where they'd try to make out with me. Because that then would almost always lead to more. Also my life in high school felt like floating through this other universe that only I was in - when people dated people I figured it was just because they thought they were really funny or smart or fun to be around, not because the specific thought of that individual being intimate with oneself brings you to orgasm 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Meowmocha Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 I didn't know about asexuality until I was out of high school. But there's been plenty of things that indicated I was different from most other people. It seemed like when we hit middle school, everyone just changed. Suddenly they ceased to be children, and they only cared about saying bad words and talking about what they knew about sex. It seemed like a lot of their talk was just giggling about 'inappropriate' stuff, or trying to act grown-up. Granted, I was aware of some things, like how a girl in junior high commented that she liked watching the construction workers because they had nice butts. (And I found that comment rather inappropriate.) I saw TV and movies, read YA books with romantic themes. But I found sexual stuff rather annoying. In fact, I remember reading the Twilight saga in middle school. I was kind of exasperated with Bella in 'Breaking Dawn', because Edward was afraid of hurting her if he had sex with her again. And she was making such a big fuss about it, literally crying because she was so upset about not doing it. (Clearly, I found sex a tad less important than she did.) My church's youth group went to a gathering with youth groups from other churches. At one point, the girls were brought into a separate room to talk about the importance of abstinence. One woman was acknowledging how hard it can be, saying she barely managed to wait until she was married. And I was thinking to myself, "Is it really that hard?" I mean, I know some people are more hormonal than others, but... Seeing the way sexual desire was depicted in media, and having trouble imagining myself being that way. I didn't even want to act that way. The idea of being filled with all these overpowering feelings, all this lust, was just alien to me. In fact, the idea of me having sex was kind of alien to me. Thinking that maybe some people didn't have that sexual desire until they were in a relationship and had grown close to the person. Which must explain why everyone makes such a big deal about lust, and I don't have issues with it. (Funny thing is, I basically defined demisexuality without ever hearing of the term.) 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 53 minutes ago, Meowmocha said: It seemed like when we hit middle school, everyone just changed. Suddenly they ceased to be children, and they only cared about saying bad words and talking about what they knew about sex. It seemed like a lot of their talk was just giggling about 'inappropriate' stuff, or trying to act grown-up. Granted, I was aware of some things, like how a girl in junior high commented that she liked watching the construction workers because they had nice butts. (And I found that comment rather inappropriate.) I saw TV and movies, read YA books with romantic themes. But I found sexual stuff rather annoying. In fact, I remember reading the Twilight saga in middle school. I was kind of exasperated with Bella in 'Breaking Dawn', because Edward was afraid of hurting her if he had sex with her again. And she was making such a big fuss about it, literally crying because she was so upset about not doing it. (Clearly, I found sex a tad less important than she did.) My college friend was that way. She said that she was very cis femme up until middle school. She felt the disconnect when people were suddenly interested in relationships, sex, and more. Then in college, we found out we were both ace, and that was probably why we got along so well. We were both sex repulsed, but I have started thinking about it in a more neutral way, as long as I'm not involved in it. That is pretty weird for middle school kids to be commenting on grown men's butts. There was an old cartoon that I rewatched, about some kids at a boarding school. This one girl feels entitled to everything because she's the principal's daughter. Once a(n asshole) film director was visiting the school to make it the location of his next film. He just parked his sports car somewhere in the middle of the school. The girl sees the with her followers (guys who hang out with her because they have a crush on her, and the guy she likes doesn't like her back). She says that she would date someone like whoever owns the car in a heartbeat. Reading the comments, people were thinking that she was only 13-14 and she's already having these kinds of thoughts. My friend above hated that series. I never read the book or saw the movies so I had no idea there was sex in it. That's probably why my friend hated it too. She told me that all her relatives were in China and she went to visit once. They wanted to give her a present, so they asked, "you like books, right?" She very excitedly says yes. She receives Twilight books. She ended up using them as doorstops until she didn't want to see them anymore, haha. Normally she takes very good care of her books but she hated Twilight that much. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Meowmocha Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 One of my friends has never read the books, only seen the movies because one of her family members likes them. And she doesn't care about all the romance, just the fighting/action scenes. Oh, and "the music and scenery is absolutely beautiful". She said that Twilight would be better if they took out the romance and just focused on the vampire/werewolf war. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Meowmocha said: One of my friends has never read the books, only seen the movies because one of her family members likes them. And she doesn't care about all the romance, just the fighting/action scenes. Oh, and "the music and scenery is absolutely beautiful". She said that Twilight would be better if they took out the romance and just focused on the vampire/werewolf war. I had an idea for a skit based on an anime that had a lot of girl make out scenes. There were so many fight scenes that we could use to depict the events in the story but someone said that the kissing scenes were mandatory then. I ignored all the kissing stuff and focused on who would fight who. But I guess for sexual and romantic people (the series has a lot of fan service outfits), the most important part of the story was the suggestive kissing and impractical revealing outfits. I laugh at their outrageous rules and watch the series for the fights. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stupsi Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 When I first heard the term 'asexual' I must have been like 16 or 17 and I didn't relate it to myself at all. I stumbled across a short video reportage about asexuality, but in no way did I think that it described me. This was due to the video (it started off with asking random people in the streets about their thoughts about asexuality and obviously they came up with all the mean misconceptions) and to my lack of experience or self-reflection. At that point I hadn't had my first kiss yet and I thought it's normal to not care about sex then because "how could I possibly be thinking about sex if I haven't even kissed anyone yet", I thought. Also I believed that no one at that age (16/17) was interested in sex... lol 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jonc Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 (edited) When everyone around me was into dating, and I wasn't interested. When I'd hear people talk about their 'conquests' the previous night, and realize it didn't do anything to me, that I wasn't interested in it. When all of my my friends, male and female, are casual, except one who is my best friend but still platonic. When I'd say people's sex remarks about an online photo, and I would think "Well, he (or she) is attractive physically, and maybe I'd like to talk to them and get to know them, but not to have sex." Found out my best friend was just as 'not part of it' as I was, and the whole sex thing was a turnoff for both of us. Edited July 1, 2020 by jonc 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 1 hour ago, jonc said: When everyone around me was into dating, and I wasn't interested. When I'd hear people talk about their 'conquests' the previous night, and realize it didn't do anything to me, that I wasn't interested in it. When all of my my friends, male and female, are casual, except one who is my best friend but still platonic. When I'd say people's sex remarks about an online photo, and I would think "Well, he (or she) is attractive physically, and maybe I'd like to talk to them and get to know them, but not to have sex." Found out my best friend was just as 'not part of it' as I was, and the whole sex thing was a turnoff for both of us. Does your friend identify as asexual as well? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThePoint Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 When teenage me talking about girls with my sexual best friend said "I don't get your desperation. Sex is no different from masturbation." But I guess that time being the peak time of my libido I couldn't really conclude I'm asexual, even if I knew there is such a thing as asexuality. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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