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I should have known I was asexual when....


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On 4/5/2019 at 8:53 PM, i'mjustme said:

Like, it only existed in movies and people were just referencing the movies when they said things like, "I want you". I still don't really get it.

Absolutely. :) Especially where it doesn't add anything to the story! 🙄

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22 hours ago, Abe8mag4b&d said:

...when I could not understand all the lyrics in songs and the emotions they referred to.

Trust me, it would take me a lot of listens to finally understand what really is going on with some songs!

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4 hours ago, will123 said:

A thought occurred to me today about the title of this thread. The premise depends on the person knowing about asexuality. Unless a person was researching why they weren't sexually attracted to people how would they find out about asexuality? Before I literally stumbled onto it all I knew of were hetero-, homo- and bisexuality. 

 

By default I thought I was straight with no alternative to that.

This is really good you bring this up because, like myself, I would consider myself as well in my younger years straight by default as well, eventually leading to confusion then to asexual. The confusion actually should have never happened if I understood everything, but it luckily still made the final (and correct) conclusion).

 

So after the rambling, this is a perfect point you discuss here because if no-one knows what asexuality really is and that is what is what best defines them, how would one lead to the conclusion? This is why it needs added in a serious manner in the discussion of sexual orientations, rather than an afterthought.

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I think I’ve known for a long time but didn’t know there was a word for it till recently. I was never super interested in dating and when I did imagine a relationship, I could never picture myself having sex with anyone. It’s still something that I find so strange. How can you look at another human being and think, “I have tons of things I want to do to you [with parts of my body]”. In my brain, I only ever thought of relationships as partnerships or being best friends-nothing more. 

 

A sign could’ve been that I never wanted kids to come out of my body and that I never wanted anyone feeling me up for no reason at all. Hugs are great, unnecessary touching is ...ah

 

Oh and I definitely think I knew I was different when I had to ask later what certain sexual terms meant. I wasn’t really into the dirty details, I just wanted to be informed. I used to blame it on my conservative, Christian uprbringing but I don’t think that was it..

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25 minutes ago, iamstorm said:

I think I’ve known for a long time but didn’t know there was a word for it till recently. I was never super interested in dating and when I did imagine a relationship, I could never picture myself having sex with anyone. It’s still something that I find so strange. How can you look at another human being and think, “I have tons of things I want to do to you [with parts of my body]”. In my brain, I only ever thought of relationships as partnerships or being best friends-nothing more. 

 

A sign could’ve been that I never wanted kids to come out of my body and that I never wanted anyone feeling me up for no reason at all. Hugs are great, unnecessary touching is ...ah

 

Oh and I definitely think I knew I was different when I had to ask later what certain sexual terms meant. I wasn’t really into the dirty details, I just wanted to be informed. I used to blame it on my conservative, Christian uprbringing but I don’t think that was it..

☝ You've just described my life.  LOL

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3 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

☝ You've just described my life.  LOL

Haha this site makes me feel like less of a weirdo! 

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3 hours ago, iamstorm said:

I think I’ve known for a long time but didn’t know there was a word for it till recently. I was never super interested in dating and when I did imagine a relationship, I could never picture myself having sex with anyone. It’s still something that I find so strange. How can you look at another human being and think, “I have tons of things I want to do to you [with parts of my body]”. In my brain, I only ever thought of relationships as partnerships or being best friends-nothing more. 

 

A sign could’ve been that I never wanted kids to come out of my body and that I never wanted anyone feeling me up for no reason at all. Hugs are great, unnecessary touching is ...ah

 

Oh and I definitely think I knew I was different when I had to ask later what certain sexual terms meant. I wasn’t really into the dirty details, I just wanted to be informed. I used to blame it on my conservative, Christian uprbringing but I don’t think that was it..

Oh my. Even for a guy that never wanted to 'father' kids that sounds pretty blunt.

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Bronztrooper
4 hours ago, iamstorm said:

I think I’ve known for a long time but didn’t know there was a word for it till recently. I was never super interested in dating and when I did imagine a relationship, I could never picture myself having sex with anyone. It’s still something that I find so strange. How can you look at another human being and think, “I have tons of things I want to do to you [with parts of my body]”. In my brain, I only ever thought of relationships as partnerships or being best friends-nothing more. 

 

A sign could’ve been that I never wanted kids to come out of my body and that I never wanted anyone feeling me up for no reason at all. Hugs are great, unnecessary touching is ...ah

 

Oh and I definitely think I knew I was different when I had to ask later what certain sexual terms meant. I wasn’t really into the dirty details, I just wanted to be informed. I used to blame it on my conservative, Christian uprbringing but I don’t think that was it..

I'm pretty much the same.  Whenever I thought about myself possibly being in a relationship, my mind defaulted to thinking about the standard fluffy stuff (i.e.: cuddling, spooning, hugging, etc.), but sex required me to actively think about it as a possibility.  Of course, being sex-averse, when I did think about it, the concept made me feel uncomfortable (which is why I don't like people making jokes about me having sex with anyone).

 

As for the kids thing, in all fairness, there are straight women who don't want kids too (one of my friends (who's in her 40s) never wanted kids, and she's very much straight), and I have a feeling that the same can be said of bi/pan women as well, so I don't think it's a sexuality thing.

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On 4/8/2019 at 10:17 PM, PittAce92 said:

This is really good you bring this up because, like myself, I would consider myself as well in my younger years straight by default as well, eventually leading to confusion then to asexual. The confusion actually should have never happened if I understood everything, but it luckily still made the final (and correct) conclusion).

 

So after the rambling, this is a perfect point you discuss here because if no-one knows what asexuality really is and that is what is what best defines them, how would one lead to the conclusion? This is why it needs added in a serious manner in the discussion of sexual orientations, rather than an afterthought.

X2

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nerdperson777
22 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

As for the kids thing, in all fairness, there are straight women who don't want kids too (one of my friends (who's in her 40s) never wanted kids, and she's very much straight), and I have a feeling that the same can be said of bi/pan women as well, so I don't think it's a sexuality thing.

My cousin is already in her 30s and she thinks she's spent too much time with our single cat lady aunts so she doesn't want kids.  Her boyfriend comes from a big family and he would like a lot of kids but that's not happening.  So my cousin is like this and she's cishet.

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1 hour ago, Mewtwo said:

When my best friend literally asked me if I was.

Wow! And I dont mean that in a good way...

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7 minutes ago, Mewtwo said:

What do you mean?

I couldn't imagine a friend asking me what my sexuality was.

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2 minutes ago, will123 said:

I couldn't imagine a friend asking me what my sexuality was.

Well he’s my best friend and he’d known me for 6 years at the time and he had a feeling I was ace so he asked.

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22 minutes ago, will123 said:

I couldn't imagine a friend asking me what my sexuality was.

That's nothing, strangers have asked me what my sexuality is.  lol

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nerdperson777
17 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

That's nothing, strangers have asked me what my sexuality is.  lol

My mom asked me straight up if I was gay because she has no boundaries.  She even said that it was okay if I was but I'm sure she would've freaked out about it anyway.  She wanted me to be lesbian instead of trans like it was a choice I made.

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

My mom asked me straight up if I was gay because she has no boundaries.  She even said that it was okay if I was but I'm sure she would've freaked out about it anyway.  She wanted me to be lesbian instead of trans like it was a choice I made.

I've been asked if I was gay by my parent numerous times, but it wouldn't have been okay to be gay.  I'm already considered abnormal and "not right" because I came out as asexual.  Being ace is tolerated but it isn't accepted.  The only reason why I'm tolerated is because I'm not in a "same sex" relationship.  I'm single and not "sinning" with anyone.

*eye roll*

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Custard Cream

*sighs* OMG, parents everywhere, just, like, WTF? These are your children for crying out loud...

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When I literally googled "How did the first humans know how to make babies"

 

When we had this discussion in 9th grade and I was almost the only one who said that yes, of course you can have a relationship without sex because why not???

 

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14 minutes ago, laokatok said:

When I literally googled "How did the first humans know how to make babies"

 

When we had this discussion in 9th grade and I was almost the only one who said that yes, of course you can have a relationship without sex because why not???

 

Would our ancestors be more like how primates mated? Do primates have a monthly cycle or come into heat once a year? (sorry if that comes across in a bad way)

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On 4/9/2019 at 9:28 PM, iamstorm said:

Haha this site makes me feel like less of a weirdo! 

Definitely said the same thing when I first joined! 🤣

 

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15 hours ago, will123 said:

Would our ancestors be more like how primates mated? Do primates have a monthly cycle or come into heat once a year? (sorry if that comes across in a bad way)

I never even thought about that.. Why do some animals have mating time when others have monthly cycles? 

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tunasupreme

Maybe the frequency of their mating is tied to other other behaviours?  Such as natural predators, diet, metabolism etc?   Also, If I could pose another thought, I get into a lot of discussions on whether or not humans are animals.  My argument is that all animals have instincts, even domesticated animals.  Humans do not have instincts. That's why humans have to be told how procreation works. 

 

 I also have another theory that religions /belief systems are a sort of artificial instincts.

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Bronztrooper
1 hour ago, tunasupreme said:

Maybe the frequency of their mating is tied to other other behaviours?  Such as natural predators, diet, metabolism etc?   Also, If I could pose another thought, I get into a lot of discussions on whether or not humans are animals.  My argument is that all animals have instincts, even domesticated animals.  Humans do not have instincts. That's why humans have to be told how procreation works. 

 

 I also have another theory that religions /belief systems are a sort of artificial instincts.

idk why you think that humans don't have instincts, but that's a discussion for another thread.

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I always thought it's obvious that humans are animals. Not necessarily because of all the instincts (which we obviously have as well) but simply because we're not plants or bacteria. And just because we're more evolved than "normal" animals doesn't mean we're not animals at all... 

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nerdography

I should have known I was ace when...

 

- as a little girl playing with my Barbie, she lived in a fabulous condo, had a great job, and a convertible. No husband, no boyfriend, no kids. The only time I played with my ken is when my friend came over

- people asked why I wasn’t boy crazy, and then asked if I was a lesbian

- people asking me who I had a crush on and when I told them nobody, they didn’t believe me. And the few times I had a crush they were never sexual. I didn’t realize crush meant I wanted to have sex with the person

- that people enjoy oral. To this day I don’t understand why you would want to put your face in or have someone’s face in your genitalia

- I thought having a lot of sex was a lack of self control 

- staying in a bad relationship because the sex is good

- never feeling the urge to seek out sex

- getting freaked out whenever a man showed interest in me

- being forced to go on a group blind date and praying for it be over

- judging a persons attractiveness on their face, personality, and intelligence. I never thought to include their body in that

- when I’ve had multiple friend groups try to pretty me up when we would go out. I didn’t want to go in the first place and now I have on reveling clothing and makeup caked on my face

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