I should have known I was asexual when....

[Dark-Spirit]

I should have known I was asexual when...

 

-Talking about real-life sex made me umcomfortable.Being teased about it was worse.Like, come on, I just said I wasn't interested in having sex with someone else, why are you teasing me with things like "Oh don't say that, you must be jealous" ?? Damn, I don't want to know what kind of things you did.

 

-I just couldn't understand why others teenagers wanted to have sex so much.

 

-I spent years forcing myself to think about having sex with someone else just to make sure that I felt sexual attraction to people.Now, I realized that kind of thoughts made me pretty much indifferent, or sometimes umcomfortable/confused.I just couldn't feel any "good feeling" about it.

 

 

[soybeannn]

In dance class, we had this solid 4 sec bit where we were supposed to move our hips (in a sexy manner?) and I could not do it, I just physically couldn’t. 

How did I miss that clue?

[Robin Hood]

3 hours ago, soybeannn said:

In dance class, we had this solid 4 sec bit where we were supposed to move our hips (in a sexy manner?) and I could not do it, I just physically couldn’t. 

How did I miss that clue?

For clarification, do mean you couldn't do it because you had no idea what was sexy or not? 

[F1shCake]

When I tried to force myself to have crushes.

When people ask me if x person is hot and I'm like ????????

[fall]

All the boys in my class are looking at girls' butts... Except for me

[TKD4]

Once, one of my friends made the suggestion to my friend group that once we were all 21 we should go to a male strip club together and everyone was super excited and on board and I was basically like "but why though? I can think of a dozen better things to do than that..."  that was apparently the wrong reaction to have

[MiraMeyneth]

All of this was before I figured out I was Ace/aro three years ago.

 

My mom asked me if I had a crush on anybody when i was 13. I ended up saying "I'm too strong to be crushed!"

 

Playing video games during high school with spades of fanservice for both males and females, and feeling nothing.

 

Stumbling on drawn porn of fictional characters and wondering about how well it was drawn instead of it's original purpose.

 

Not having any sort of crush my entire life.

 

My parents were wondering how the hell I hadn't started my "boy-crazy" phase by the time I started high school.

 

 I couldn't understand why couples sleep in the same bed naked.

 

Saying that if I ever get married, i'd rather sleep in a separate bed from my S.O.

 

Mentioning to my mom that if I ever lost my reproductive organs or had them removed, I wouldn't mind.

 

Looking back, the signs were damn obvious. I guess coming out as ace explained a lot to my parents.

 

 

[Claire1983]

This one time, at band camp, ... nothing happened

 

Just kidding.

 

When most of my thoughts during kissing, making out, sex were "am I doing this right?" "This is kind of repetitive."  "Is it over yet?"  "How long is he going to go?"  "I'm tried, when can I go to sleep?"

[Ms. Carolynne]

@Claire1983 Well, there's always that one time at some camp, isn't there? 

 

[Gldlynch]

When I kept telling myself "I'll understand when I'm older." I'm heading towards my mid-20s and still saying it lmao. I don't think I'll ever understand sexual attraction.

[babygyrl09]

On 3/5/2018 at 2:32 PM, Galactic Turtle said:

Oh and I cried when my sister tried to take me to Victoria's Secret for bras when I was 12 or 13 yelling "IT'S TOO SEXY!!!!"

I don't find the "sexy" lingerie comfortable, and have been known to say "it's underwear. No one's gonna see it. Why does it have to match/be lacy/look fancy? As long as it's clean, who cares how it looks?"

 

On 3/8/2018 at 9:44 PM, Sweet Potato said:

when I was 18 I followed a link to a character sketch for a fanfic I was reading. the sketch was of a male character, laying naked as the day he was born, very much aroused and with an unmistakeable look of lust on his face. the comments were all along the lines of "omg I wanna jump that right now" and such. and my thought was "does he have to be naked, really?"

I mean, I find half-naked guys attractive, shirtless anyways, but I don't understand what's so great about their downstairs region.

 

On 3/9/2018 at 9:11 PM, Tuple said:

I should have known I was asexual (and aromantic) when...

 

...as a child I told my parents, and others, that when I grew up I was never going to marry

 

This. So much this.

 

21 hours ago, F1shCake said:

When I tried to force myself to have crushes.

When people ask me if x person is hot and I'm like ????????

There was one time in high school that I made up a crush. Said I met him during a family trip out of town, so friends wouldn't ask me to elaborate about him.

[Mx. Who]

On 3/9/2018 at 11:11 PM, Tuple said:

I should have known I was asexual (and aromantic) when...

 

...as a child I told my parents, and others, that when I grew up I was never going to marry

 

I've asked a lot of my friends and they were all like: I can't picture you getting  married.

 

On 3/9/2018 at 11:27 PM, helana12_03 said:

- Everyone started dating and I had zero interest (this is more of an aromantic thing I guess).

- I enjoyed kissing guys I was dating but never wanted to do anything sexual with them.

- All of my friends loved sex ed and I kept trying to find ways out.

- I could never picture my wedding day, not even as an adult (this is more aromantic than asexual).

- I've always found sex/naked scenes absolutely disgusting. Honestly, I don't get the appeal. 

Me in literally all health/puberty classes: hides behind the chairs and reads a book.

[wavewall]

My reaction when I first discovered pornography was a thing probably should have clued me in. It was basically a giant head-tilt and a lot of puzzlement. I didn't find it repulsive, but the experience was rather like when I hear people speaking a language I don't know. I just didn't have a foothold to use to engage with it on a meaningful level.

[Sally]

When I thought my partner was gorgeous, as long as he kept his clothes on.

[Sean_Bird]

When I could easily compare sex to a math test that required the utmost concentration, studying, and prep. Between math and sex, would honestly choose math, since math would have fewer variables, less concentration, and be less stressful.

 

When sex just turned into a giant checklist of things to try, and I would rather just get enchiladas or pizza.

 

Wanting to have the TV on so that I could have something to watch while having sex, so that I could at least have some form of entertainment.

 

Disliking any conversation about sex, unless it was purely hypothetical and ridiculous.

 

When in high school, a friend would have sex, and another friend would ask for a lot of details. I remember thinking "This is a normal thing? But ew? Why would you ever want to know about someone's sex life?"

 

Literally followed asexual humor pages on facebook, found them absolutely hilarious and more relateable than any jokes from other sexual orientations in the allosexual spectrum. Took me forever to figure it out.

 

When I fell head over heels for a guy, but only had sex because I loved him and he flat our said he wasn't interested in a relationship without sex.

[Claire1983]

8 minutes ago, Sean-Kat said:

When I could easily compare sex to a math test that required the utmost concentration, studying, and prep. Between math and sex, would honestly choose math, since math would have fewer variables, less concentration, and be less stressful.

Lol!  I love this analogy.  

[Lucy in the sky]

Thinking (way into my teens) that having a crush simply meant platonic love. I was shocked when I found out that people had other thoughts on their minds when they would say "I have a crush on x"

I always thought that I would eventually grow to like the idea of sex. 20 and counting, still preferring to do ANYTHING else rather than thinking about / being intimate.

[gaogao]

At age 10: When I moved to a new school and people asked me whether I liked boys. I said yes because I didn't see them as any different from my girl friends, and then I got a reputation for being a flirt because I didn't think boys were icky or weird or different.

 

At age 15: when a friend of mine asked me to make a list of my top ten hottest celebrities - I literally didn't know what to do. I spent like two hours on it, googling celebrities while trying very hard to decide whether I thought they were hot or not.

At age 17:  A girl invited me over to her house for the night and I accepted. Nothing much happened, though she did ask if she could touch me and I was like uhh okay? But nothing much happened and we went to sleep. After I relayed the story to a friend about how awkward the whole thing was, she burst out laughing and told me "GIRL SHE WANTED TO SLEEP WITH YOU...!!" I was confused like "but I just thought she wanted to be friends.........."

 

At age 18: When someone at a party asked me if I was sexually satisfied I said "of course I am" brightly because... I've never been dissatisfied - so that must mean I'm satisfied? A guy friend of mine who apparently had a crush on me (I found this out later) got super upset at my answer and wanted to know who I was sleeping with. I told him bemusedly that I wasn't sleeping with anyone "because lol, why would I??" Everyone was very confused, but I didn't realise why until later.

 

At age 19: When my friends were discussing crushes I said I had a crush on a fictional character, they all thought that meant I had a crush on a (female-presenting) acquaintance of mine who cosplayed that character. I sheepishly didn't have the heart to say I wasn't actually interested in them that way - but after that everyone thought I was gay and I let the idea persist because it meant no one would bother me with asking about who I liked anymore..

 

To be fair, after age 18/19 I started getting an inkling that I was maybe asexual or maybe gay (but with not much drive) but I just let it be. People started bothering me less with this sort of thing in my 20s - I was still always shocked if my friends implied they were doing anything sexual or if they thought that I'd had any sexual experiences (I hadn't). But now in my late 20s I do have a girlfriend, and I'm still asexual, but I don't really talk to my friends about it that much and they just think I'm gay which is fine lol.

[Ms. Carolynne]

@gaogao Your experience with "hot" celebrities reminds me of one of my teachers who did the whole introductions things, I had a few classes with her, actually.

 

One of the questions that once came up was "If you could marry any celebrity, who would it be?" When it became my turn, I stated "I don't know" I got asked why, my reply being "I haven't really thought about it". I was pressured to provide an answer, so I ended up choosing Ksenia Solo just off the top of my mind.

 

Seriously though, who thinks that stuff out? How is it that everybody just readily had an answer in their back pocket? What kind of question is that even? I was simply confused.

[gaogao]

@G1P0 tbh it's weird how people think crushing on celebrities or wanting to marry a certain celebrity is a universal thing? I never understood it.... I think in school if someone asked me that I'd have also been very lost.

[Astatine]

When I prefered to be friends with guys than to date them. I never really noticed that until now that appears that guys can't really have a friend who is a girl (at least at my age) without wanting to have sex with her.

When I had my first boyfriend at 15, but never thought of him in a sexual manner. I had my first kiss with him. I never saw the appeal in kisses.

When people find weird that I don't care that their hand goes near my groin.

 

EDIT: Completely forgot to add: And mostly when I said: "Sex is only for reproductive purposes" and I truly believe that.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Astatine

[Dark General]

-When the thought of myself having sex with someone gave me awkward/uncomfortable feelings

-When I never considered being a virgin a big deal

-When I dated someone, I never wanted to have sex with them

-When I preferred people clothed instead of naked

-When I looked at people in an aesthetic sense (like looking at a beautiful painting) instead of a sexual sense

-When kissing/making out felt uncomfortable

 

[Skycaptain]

Attending a "gentleman's evening", and the whole thing was just "meh" 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Been dragged along to one of those type of things on a 'girls night' from an old workplace @Skycaptain...second 'meh'..

[Semisweet]

I should have known when I long ago wondered how it would possibly have occurred to anyone in the earliest eras of humanity (before media) to have sex / fit together the relevant body organs.

 

I should have known because ads featuring underwear models have always made me uncomfortable. 

[Effectricis]

18 hours ago, Dark General said:

-When the thought of myself having sex with someone gave me awkward/uncomfortable feelings

-When I never considered being a virgin a big deal

-When I dated someone, I never wanted to have sex with them

-When I preferred people clothed instead of naked

-When I looked at people in an aesthetic sense (like looking at a beautiful painting) instead of a sexual sense

-When kissing/making out felt uncomfortable

 

I had ALL of these same signs and still didn't realize until a few weeks ago!! I've known about what asexuality is for years now but never stopped to realize "oh that's me!!" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Masterman]

I sometimes feel isolated and miserable when I think about how different everyone else is, but maybe I'm one of the lucky ones, because my honest answer to this question would be: I ALWAYS KNEW.

 

Always. Since I was a child. I just didn't know there was a word for it until I read an article not that long ago, and I also thought I was the only one.

 

That said, I think that at the very least I'm lucky because I know what I am beyond doubt. I've see so many people here struggling to understanding their own identities, and I never felt that. My heart goes to those who are having those troubles, because you must be suffering even more 

 

I hope it gets better for all of you.

[GambinoCM]

On 13/03/2018 at 1:52 AM, TKD4 said:

Once, one of my friends made the suggestion to my friend group that once we were all 21 we should go to a male strip club together and everyone was super excited and on board and I was basically like "but why though? I can think of a dozen better things to do than that..."  that was apparently the wrong reaction to have

Omg this.

 

The amount of times my friends have spoke about hiring a stripper for future bachelor parties or going to a strip club during a night out and I've just thought "why would you want to do that though? Wouldn't it just be awkward? What pleasure would you get out of that?" The amount of weird looks I'd get when I'd question that.

 

This is probably one of many things I missed along the way before I realised I'm ace 🙈

[girlwonder]

When I started book series after book series with strong, interesting female characters, only to get disgusted and give up when they inevitably grew up, fell in love, and got weepy (or worse, sexy) over various shirtless love interests--looking at you, every Tamora Pierce novel ever. Also, when I obsessively rewrote everything from Disney movies to Shakespeare to take out all the romance. (Don't you dare tell me Rosalind is better off with Orlando.)

 

When my younger sister had to tell me my best guy friend had a crush on me (and then didn't believe me when I said I didn't like him back)

 

When I first heard my friends talking about who had the nicest butt and had zero clue what constituted a nice butt or why they would care.

 

When my sister told my mom how hot the boys in her class were, and I couldn't figure out how to join in the conversation--they bugged me all day to name ONE guy in my class I found objectively attractive, thinking I was just too embarrassed to like someone. Little did they know I literally had no idea.

[keliv]

I'm 11/12, in class, and all the girls and some of the boys are crying over their sticker albums because this boy band split up. I just couldn't understand why they were so interested in or upset over complete strangers.