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I should have known I was asexual when....


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Greyberries
1 hour ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

Same, I don’t understand why anyone would want their mouth anywhere near that area. My psychology textbook claims that it’s a common view to see that as one of the “safest” sex methods. I would rather be stuck with the taste of my own vomit over that.

Ugh that’s one thing I can NEVER rationalise. If i had to choose id rather the normal way for sure. 

 

Also anal sounds like its painful why would anyone

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4 hours ago, KeKatCookie said:

Me. Yes. I've never understood it! 

In fact I didn't realise for ages that people get sexual desires. 

The aesthetic attraction is the part of my identity that while I understand it, it seems odd for an ace. I could see it if I was straight. Even 14 years after I identified as asexual I'll still 'check out' girls.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

Same, I don’t understand why anyone would want their mouth anywhere near that area. My psychology textbook claims that it’s a common view to see that as one of the “safest” sex methods. I would rather be stuck with the taste of my own vomit over that.

Now there is a visual WE didnt need...

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I never understood how people got “turned on” by half naked people on advertisements and always thought that people were joking when they spoke about having sex or desiring sex. Recently I was sat on a plane next to 2 guys around my age and one of my friends said they were hot - surprise surprise, I didn’t see them that way! Yeah I can see when guys are “cute” and/or aesthetically pleasing to look at, but I’ve never felt anything sexual towards them and didn’t realise feeling a desire to have sex with them was even a thing! When people used to ask me which guys I wanted to date, I used to respond with “no one, I don’t really get crushes” which resulted in weird looks. My friends always talk about who they like and some talk about sex and I’ve never been able to relate as I’ve never felt the desire to. Also oversexualised lyrics and things like that have always confused and disturbed me. Forever confused by the concept of finding someone’s body “hot”

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nerdperson777
5 hours ago, Greyberries said:

Ugh that’s one thing I can NEVER rationalise. If i had to choose id rather the normal way for sure. 

 

Also anal sounds like its painful why would anyone

I was reading a comic from this one artist who seems to be quite the feminist.  It was a sex ed comic and most of the comments are about how it's more informative than anything school could teach them, or "my weekly sex ed class".  It also explores asexual and lesbian relationships, talking about relationship issues, and consent.  I learned from this that anal requires a lot of preparation.  Literally, your ass needs to be ready.  The receiver needs a plug in there for a while, a few hours to the whole day.  I feel like that's way too much preparation if sex can be spontaneous.  But since I would never have any sex, I can think about how bad this is all I want and how illogical it all sounds.  I'm just expecting that the receiver is going to have a sore hole after all of this.

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

I was reading a comic from this one artist who seems to be quite the feminist.  It was a sex ed comic and most of the comments are about how it's more informative than anything school could teach them, or "my weekly sex ed class".  It also explores asexual and lesbian relationships, talking about relationship issues, and consent.  I learned from this that anal requires a lot of preparation.  Literally, your ass needs to be ready.  The receiver needs a plug in there for a while, a few hours to the whole day.  I feel like that's way too much preparation if sex can be spontaneous.  But since I would never have any sex, I can think about how bad this is all I want and how illogical it all sounds.  I'm just expecting that the receiver is going to have a sore hole after all of this.

I knew there was some prep (mostly lubrication) involved, but yes it doesn't sound very spontaneous. This is the first time I've read that a butt plug is involved. :ph34r:

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
On 7/15/2019 at 8:15 PM, nerdperson777 said:

.

If I have any urges, it would've been platonic and/or sensual, but even then it's demi/grey so I can probably name all the people in my life I've had the attraction to.  But the way I interpreted the question was attraction in general, including romantic and sexual and platonic, sensual so I still think about my rare instances of attraction.

  But in most if not all of your slight urges or feelings, did you ever feel any so strongly that you simply couldn’t ignore it or refuse its demands? 

  I feel like that’s their argument toward sexual desire. Almost as though it’s something they can’t control. Which seems foreign to me. 

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12 hours ago, Greyberries said:

Ugh that’s one thing I can NEVER rationalise. If i had to choose id rather the normal way for sure. 

 

Also anal sounds like its painful why would anyone

Maybe they hate themselves? I really can’t think of any other reasom

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12 hours ago, Gingerpud said:

I never understood how people got “turned on” by half naked people on advertisements and always thought that people were joking when they spoke about having sex or desiring sex. Recently I was sat on a plane next to 2 guys around my age and one of my friends said they were hot - surprise surprise, I didn’t see them that way! Yeah I can see when guys are “cute” and/or aesthetically pleasing to look at, but I’ve never felt anything sexual towards them and didn’t realise feeling a desire to have sex with them was even a thing! When people used to ask me which guys I wanted to date, I used to respond with “no one, I don’t really get crushes” which resulted in weird looks. My friends always talk about who they like and some talk about sex and I’ve never been able to relate as I’ve never felt the desire to. Also oversexualised lyrics and things like that have always confused and disturbed me. Forever confused by the concept of finding someone’s body “hot”

Agreed on pretty much all of that 100%.

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Greyberries
16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I was reading a comic from this one artist who seems to be quite the feminist.  It was a sex ed comic and most of the comments are about how it's more informative than anything school could teach them, or "my weekly sex ed class".  It also explores asexual and lesbian relationships, talking about relationship issues, and consent.  I learned from this that anal requires a lot of preparation.  Literally, your ass needs to be ready.  The receiver needs a plug in there for a while, a few hours to the whole day.  I feel like that's way too much preparation if sex can be spontaneous.  But since I would never have any sex, I can think about how bad this is all I want and how illogical it all sounds.  I'm just expecting that the receiver is going to have a sore hole after all of this.

Oh god I had no idea it took that much preparation. Wow, it sounds horrifying.  That just shows how I’m totally not in that head space. Normal people have the urge that badly? The only thing I’d prepare a whole day for is cooking a delicious cake :P 

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I used to get really mad at TV shows and movies as a teenager over "cheating/having sex with the bad guy/ doing the hanky panky when you're not supposed to" plot lines because for me that was really bad writing. I was like "If you're trying to become a senator then you shouldn't sleep with your intern because that's a scandal, just keep it in your pants. it's not that hard." Same goes for people hooking up when they're drunk. I really didn't see where the correlation was between alcohol and having sex. 

 

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Overcomplicate Everything
1 hour ago, Temeraire said:

I used to get really mad at TV shows and movies as a teenager over "cheating/having sex with the bad guy/ doing the hanky panky when you're not supposed to" plot lines because for me that was really bad writing. I was like "If you're trying to become a senator then you shouldn't sleep with your intern because that's a scandal, just keep it in your pants. it's not that hard." Same goes for people hooking up when they're drunk. I really didn't see where the correlation was between alcohol and having sex. 

 

Yes! They always overplay the drama with subjects like that and it doesn't make any rational sense! The main character always comes off as looking like an idiot to me because no one with a lick of intelligence would have sex when it could ruin their lives.

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6 hours ago, Greyberries said:

Oh god I had no idea it took that much preparation. Wow, it sounds horrifying.  That just shows how I’m totally not in that head space. Normal people have the urge that badly? The only thing I’d prepare a whole day for is cooking a delicious cake :P 

I've read that in books. It just seems very gross to me anyway. 

 

My mother used to make (maybe still does) a really good spaghetti sauce that her Sicilian friend taught her and that took all day. 

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Bronztrooper
6 hours ago, Temeraire said:

Same goes for people hooking up when they're drunk. I really didn't see where the correlation was between alcohol and having sex. 

I guess it has to do with alcohol reducing people's inhibitions, leading them to be more likely to act on impulse instead of thinking things through.  But then, that also applies to drunk people doing stupid stuff that ends up getting them hurt.

 

But then, I don't drink, so I have no personal experience with it.

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I would drink at parties when I was in my 20s. In my social circle there were couples and guys and girls that were 'unattached'. Drunk me never tried to do anything that sober me wouldn't attempt...

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On 7/16/2019 at 9:47 AM, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

Same, I don’t understand why anyone would want their mouth anywhere near that area. My psychology textbook claims that it’s a common view to see that as one of the “safest” sex methods. I would rather be stuck with the taste of my own vomit over that.

It is one of the least likely ways to get pregnant or spread a STD (there are some STDs that can be spread like that, but, not most of them) in terms of safety.  Also, those parts of the body tend to be the cleanest parts of the body, ironically.  Humans instinctively protect them, as dirt and other irritants are even more uncomfortable there.

 

But, yes, I agree, it is still icky to think about.

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My 'asexual' take on oral sex goes like this (Note: I've never given or received). I can't really say what my thoughts are on a male going down on a female, neutral I guess, I don't know.

 

Concerning a female going down on a guy, the act seems pretty degrading especially if the male has no intentions of reciprocating.

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when i first started using tumblr, i would see that a lot of people would say "he/she" is 'pretty' or 'lovely' and i just latched onto using those descriptors (and others like it) to describe someone/thing i found aesthetically pleasing. i would never say 'hot' or 'sexy,' and looking back it makes a lot of sense, lol. i think for a while i thought that i did that because it was part of tumblr culture - and that was undoubtedly a part of it - but i also really felt that those words were more accurate for the way i felt. 

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nerdperson777
On 7/16/2019 at 8:24 PM, SupercalifragilisticNugget said:

  But in most if not all of your slight urges or feelings, did you ever feel any so strongly that you simply couldn’t ignore it or refuse its demands? 

  I feel like that’s their argument toward sexual desire. Almost as though it’s something they can’t control. Which seems foreign to me. 

I guess I was able to control them.  As someone who thinks too much and not feeling, I think I strategically planned when I would do something sensual.  It's been a long time so I don't remember that well.  My mind thought, "I want to do that one thing.  I hope they're okay with it.  I'll ask in like 5 minutes."  Then that 5 minutes would be me freaking out about what if they say no.

 

On 7/17/2019 at 4:05 PM, will123 said:

I would drink at parties when I was in my 20s. In my social circle there were couples and guys and girls that were 'unattached'. Drunk me never tried to do anything that sober me wouldn't attempt...

I did hear someone, maybe on these forums, that they became more ace while drunk.  So it sounds amusing that they were actually holding back the aceness instead of the other way around.

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Superunknown
On 4/13/2018 at 8:45 AM, CasperJ said:

When I watched Romeo and Juliet and all my friends were like “OMGGGG Leonardo De Caprio is so hoooottttt!!!” And I was like “ohhh. Fish” ( for anyone who hasnt seen the movie Romeo and Juliet first see each other through a fish tank). 

This. THIS. The entirety of this movie was too much for me, and I was making fun of everything then. I would probably do the same again. 

I only liked the fight scenes (in the movie). At one point we had broken off into groups and we decided to discuss the question, “Are Romeo and Juliet really in love?” and I adamantly said “absolutely not!” while another person was on the opposite side and tried to convince me something about true love and my reaction was around, “...wait how what.” 

I realized there was something everyone else was getting from this I wasn’t seeing. I didn’t follow any of it, despite liking Shakespeare’s writing style and language and being a voracious reader. Also I didn’t understand why everyone was so obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. My mood the entire movie was, “would it kill you to wear a goddamn shirt.”

 

Also, sex scenes in movies grew from my mom not wanting me to watch them to me not wanting to watch them. Seeing a great action movie (for example, Terminator) have a romance develop on the spot generated a “oh you’ve got to be kidding me. that’s it where’s the Terminator. I need my angry, mildly terrifying robot friend who doesn’t do romance.”

 

And last but not least, Sex Jokes. Which I will never get and am entirely done with. 

 

*drops mic*

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Bronztrooper
10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I guess I was able to control them.  As someone who thinks too much and not feeling, I think I strategically planned when I would do something sensual.  It's been a long time so I don't remember that well.  My mind thought, "I want to do that one thing.  I hope they're okay with it.  I'll ask in like 5 minutes."  Then that 5 minutes would be me freaking out about what if they say no.

As someone who is roughly 70-90% thinking and 10-30% feeling, I would probably do something like this for anything beyond hugging with whoever I happen to be with, however unlikely.  Hell, I was that way with my former gf regarding kissing (mostly because that's what I thought I was supposed to do in a relationship).

 

I really overthink stuff to much sometimes...

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I just realised it now, on reading through a few threads on this site. I mean, I knew there was something different about me and I thought I might be gay, then I thought I might be traumatised because of something that happened in my childhood. I thought there had to be something 'wrong' with me. I've spent my life looking for reasons and making excuses as to why I do not want sex. I've been so confused and I've caused so much confusion. 

 

I'm 46 years old and I finally understand that this is just the way I am...I've NEVER read so many things that capture my own experience and feelings, THANK YOU everyone who has posted. I've never felt so understood, even though you're not talking about me  - it's as if you are! My mind is reeling right now, I'm just beginning to understand my life properly... 

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Fluffy Femme Guy
On 7/17/2019 at 6:05 PM, will123 said:

Drunk me never tried to do anything that sober me wouldn't attempt...

I remember being very confused at this when I was younger.

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nerdperson777
On 7/21/2019 at 10:22 AM, KeKatCookie said:

Sometimes I'm totally innocent, like, what's funny about bananas. (seriously? What is? Bananas are just a nice fruit) 

Or I just don't get it, especially since I have a bit of a science head when it comes to the human anatomy. 

My mom is really repulsed, which is where I learned that sex was disgusting, rather than me formulating my own idea.  Once we were shopping in the dollar store and I found a banana case, for an actual banana.  I told my mom about what my classmates did, comparing sizes of bananas.  I guess I didn't get the joke all too well.  One classmate looked intently at one and said, "it's not big enough."  She didn't reply to me so I thought she didn't hear, and I kept trying to repeat what I said, which probably wasn't what she wanted.

 

When my middle school biology class started learning about reproductive organs, I was merely scientifically curious but I got classmates being immature about it, thinking I wanted to look at the diagram for other reasons.

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I've skipped every sex scene in every movie/tv show I've ever seen. And I've watched a lot of shows. Thinking about it now, I've probably never seen one longer than the few seconds it takes to skip ahead.

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When I would look at people and instead of thinking, dang they hot or oof they don’t look good

thinking, nothing. Nothing at all.

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I dunno. i can find sexual humor funny, especially with certain people. I remember watching Team America World Police with my sister and her Catholic boyfriend [now husband] and I had to stop from rolling on the floor when they were cringing during certain scenes. They obviously weren't sexy, but those scenes were funny in their mocking and their reactions were totally worth it.

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On 7/17/2019 at 10:13 AM, Overcomplicate Everything said:

Yes! They always overplay the drama with subjects like that and it doesn't make any rational sense! The main character always comes off as looking like an idiot to me because no one with a lick of intelligence would have sex when it could ruin their lives.

It seems there are a lot of people in the world who don't have a lick of sense then. :)

 

I never really thought about this idea. I remember when I was a teenager and young adult all the talk in the religious circles I was in about how sex just seemed to be this thing you couldn't control. If a guy and a girl went on a date and they were alone in a car driving to and from - then automatically they were going to have sex. And then came the people who said probably you shouldn't kiss before you're married, because if you kiss, then automatically - sex. Then came the idea that ANY man and ANY woman could not be alone in a building or a car together, because sex. I knew a fairly old, blind man that was being regularly given a ride an hour one way by a generous young woman, and he required her to find a chaperone to ride with them because he couldn't be alone in a car with her! And I had a gay male friend who had to make me stay outside in the heat when retrieving something from his house, because he followed the "no one man one woman alone in a building" rule but he didn't follow it in the car so he was giving me a ride somewhere. 

 

 And then there's television and books and the way allosexual people talk about sex, like it's an irresistible force that just comes over you and controls you and deprives you of all reason and ability of self control.

 

 I never thought to question this idea, but people do seem well able to control themselves when they really want to. I wonder why we have this cultural narrative that sexual desire is this overpowering force that no one can resist?

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