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I should have known I was asexual when....


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9 hours ago, nerdography said:

I didn’t realize crush meant I wanted to have sex with the person

That's not what it means.  Little kids have crushes on each other all the time and sex isn't in the equation.  A crush is just liking somebody.  Wanting to have sex with someone is sexual attraction.

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GentlemanCambrioleur

When I was so resistant to the idea of marrying a real dude and would obsess over fictional dudes that would be 100% not good partner material irl

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I was always the token straight friend in our friend group (where literally everyone is gay). Through Instagram and personal interest, I knew the most about the LGBT+ community, which was always a joke of ours. So I knew that asexuality existed, but I had a hard time identifying with it. 

My thought process was basically like "Oh, it's not that I don't experience sexual attraction, I just don't want to have sex. With anyone."

I also told my friends (I'm the only non virgin in our group) that Sex was boring and I would rather look at my phone. That definitely should have rang a bell ... 

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nerdperson777
On 4/15/2019 at 1:20 AM, laokatok said:

I always thought it's obvious that humans are animals. Not necessarily because of all the instincts (which we obviously have as well) but simply because we're not plants or bacteria. And just because we're more evolved than "normal" animals doesn't mean we're not animals at all... 

Well, it can be confusing.  Animals scientifically mean an organism that animates, moves (or something like that).  But also, calling someone or something an animal has the negative connotation of being savage.  Then the word humane, obviously coming from the word human, means that it's like human, alluding that humans are nice creatures.  We aren't inherently better than any other species on the planet but we like to think we're better than them.  Some people think humans are sophisticated and unlike other animals, who are perceived as savage and primitive.  It took me quite a while to realize that humans are biased, not like what history says.  Westerners glorify themselves and see Easterners as savage and lower.  Back then I thought everything I read was correct, but it's all bias.

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SpaceNebula

I realized that everyone else had had crushes for a while so it was about time I picked a crush.  I listed out some criteria: someone in my school (rather than a celebrity or something), not the same guy everyone has a crush on, nice, funny maybe, attractive (what make someone attractive?... I think hair that sticks up in the front), also not anyone I interact with regularly so it wouldn't be awkward.

Criteria in mind I picked out someone and for some time whenever I saw them I though "there's my crush"... what do you even do with a crush? Eventually I found out they were strongly Republican and decided they were no longer my crush.

Because that is exactly how it works.

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In college, my friend/roommate was set on me having a boyfriend. Knowing I was (and still am) a virgin, she would constantly nag me about sex and men. One day when we were sitting down, she asked me, "What is your type or like what do you find attractive?" Thinking I'm straight (by defalut), I try to think of just one physical trait I find attractive about men. No joke, I couldn't think of a single thing. This happened to be at the peak of me questioning my sexuality. I now know I'm ace, but this friend now lives away from me and I have yet to tell her. One day it will just come out in casual conversation because she is probably still wondering about my sex life. 

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On 4/15/2019 at 9:27 PM, GentlemanCambrioleur said:

When I was so resistant to the idea of marrying a real dude and would obsess over fictional dudes that would be 100% not good partner material irl

Ah, reality is overrated anyway! :P

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On 4/14/2019 at 11:28 PM, tunasupreme said:

Maybe the frequency of their mating is tied to other other behaviours?  Such as natural predators, diet, metabolism etc?   Also, If I could pose another thought, I get into a lot of discussions on whether or not humans are animals.  My argument is that all animals have instincts, even domesticated animals.  Humans do not have instincts. That's why humans have to be told how procreation works. 

 

 I also have another theory that religions /belief systems are a sort of artificial instincts.

 

On 4/15/2019 at 12:52 AM, Bronztrooper said:

idk why you think that humans don't have instincts, but that's a discussion for another thread.

Maybe the instincts are actually there but they can be suppressed like the fight / flight instinct based on lifestyle, making these aspects different? :unsure::)

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AmorphousBlob
On 4/16/2019 at 9:23 PM, SpaceNebula said:

I realized that everyone else had had crushes for a while so it was about time I picked a crush.  I listed out some criteria: someone in my school (rather than a celebrity or something), not the same guy everyone has a crush on, nice, funny maybe, attractive (what make someone attractive?... I think hair that sticks up in the front), also not anyone I interact with regularly so it wouldn't be awkward.

Criteria in mind I picked out someone and for some time whenever I saw them I though "there's my crush"... what do you even do with a crush? Eventually I found out they were strongly Republican and decided they were no longer my crush.

Because that is exactly how it works.

Oh, man I think I can relate. All of my crushes on guys before 3rd grade (after 3rd it was usually mistaking a squish) basically just consisted of me looking at a guy and thinking, "Yep, that's my new crush now."

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On 4/15/2019 at 6:27 PM, GentlemanCambrioleur said:

When I was so resistant to the idea of marrying a real dude and would obsess over fictional dudes that would be 100% not good partner material irl

I was like that too xP I crushed more on fictional guys than real guys. 

 

for me, one of the biggest clues was my dreams. Others usually have really romantic and erotic fantasies. I never had them. 😑 For example, the few times I've had celebrity dreams, they were pretty mundane. It was usually me talking to them like everyday people. Not that that's a bad thing. My reaction to famous people are pretty tame nowadays. The closest I ever got to romantic was getting a kiss from an anime character. Otherwise my dreams sometimes was about flying in the sky. 

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I was genuinely afraid that I would be required to have sex in order to have a happy life

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AmorphousBlob
1 hour ago, KenshoBT21 said:

for me, one of the biggest clues was my dreams. Others usually have really romantic and erotic fantasies. I never had them. 😑

I've had em, but I woke up and was just like "okay then, that happened." They were pretty boring, if you ask me. My other dreams are way more interesting 😐

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literally never had any of the experiences of puberty that everyone talks about with discovering who you may be attracted to. like, that just never became a thing

 

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9 hours ago, KenshoBT21 said:

I was like that too xP I crushed more on fictional guys than real guys. 

 

for me, one of the biggest clues was my dreams. Others usually have really romantic and erotic fantasies. I never had them. 😑 For example, the few times I've had celebrity dreams, they were pretty mundane. It was usually me talking to them like everyday people. Not that that's a bad thing. My reaction to famous people are pretty tame nowadays. The closest I ever got to romantic was getting a kiss from an anime character. Otherwise my dreams sometimes was about flying in the sky. 

My dreams all my life have been pretty mundane. I had a wet dream in my early teens and a sexual dream last year (I'm 57). Thats all folks.

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7 hours ago, Dr. Beat said:

literally never had any of the experiences of puberty that everyone talks about with discovering who you may be attracted to. like, that just never became a thing

 

Sounds like me as well. I just went thru my teen years more or less oblivious to sexual contact (I knew about it though).

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The Incarnation Of Boredom
On 4/15/2019 at 7:19 AM, nerdography said:

I didn’t realize crush meant I wanted to have sex with the person

It doesn't completely mean that. There are two kinds of crushes: romantic and sexual (and of course, both can occur at the same time on one person and often do) you can like someone romantically but not think they're 'hot' and its still considered a crush.

I'm heteroromantic so I know this all too well lmao.

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The Incarnation Of Boredom
On 4/14/2019 at 12:27 AM, laokatok said:

I never even thought about that.. Why do some animals have mating time when others have monthly cycles? 

I actually saw stuff on a scientific basis for this.

Its because of environmental reasons, for example a horse having a newborn foal in the middle of the winter would not be so great... Whereas a human (which would likely have shelter) it would be more possible. Also probably has to do with where we developed. Most apes come from warm climates, so the seasons are pretty stable year around, where with other animals, not so much.

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34 minutes ago, The Incarnation Of Boredom said:

I actually saw stuff on a scientific basis for this.

Its because of environmental reasons, for example a horse having a newborn foal in the middle of the winter would not be so great... Whereas a human (which would likely have shelter) it would be more possible. Also probably has to do with where we developed. Most apes come from warm climates, so the seasons are pretty stable year around, where with other animals, not so much.

Now how often do primates procreate?

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21 hours ago, Dr. Beat said:

literally never had any of the experiences of puberty that everyone talks about with discovering who you may be attracted to. like, that just never became a thing

 

Same here. If anything, I subconsciously forced things in my mind because maybe a friend had a new relationship (even the dreams, but 95% of dreams I do not remember).

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22 hours ago, KenshoBT21 said:
On 4/15/2019 at 9:27 PM, GentlemanCambrioleur said:

When I was so resistant to the idea of marrying a real dude and would obsess over fictional dudes that would be 100% not good partner material irl

I was like that too xP I crushed more on fictional guys than real guys. 

 

On 4/20/2019 at 11:44 PM, PittAce92 said:

Ah, reality is overrated anyway! :P

See, who needs reality! ;) 

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The Incarnation Of Boredom
13 hours ago, will123 said:

Now how often do primates procreate?

Not sure. Guess that's another thing to research lmao.

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Should have known I was ace when...

 

- I had a celebrity crush but when a friend suggested that they would be my dream husband I was repulsed. Didn’t she know that I just wanted to give him a hug and never actually meet him in person?!😂

- Also, when an ex-friend used to give me two names of boys and I had to pick one to hypothetically have sex with. I would always try to figure out which one she found attractive, because I didn’t have a clue. This would happen every day. It was exhausting!

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nerdperson777
On 4/20/2019 at 11:35 PM, Dr. Beat said:

literally never had any of the experiences of puberty that everyone talks about with discovering who you may be attracted to. like, that just never became a thing

I think my mom thought if she didn't talk about it, I wouldn't think about it.  I never thought about it anyway.  My only issue was mistaking my squishes for attraction.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
On 4/21/2019 at 1:35 AM, Dr. Beat said:

literally never had any of the experiences of puberty that everyone talks about with discovering who you may be attracted to. like, that just never became a thing

I was 9 going on 10 when had my first, for certain, experience with aesthetic attraction.
Sure there was nothing sexual about it at the time, but it was enough of a flag that when puberty came around I wasn't surprised at all.

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I remember ever since I was little, and I moved, girls were already asking wHo Do YoU lIkE? And I couldn’t answer bc I didn’t like anybody. XD 

also all the girls talked about actors who were “hot” like Zac Effron, and I just didn’t get it

Later on when I grew up I went to a sleepover and my friends started talking about sex? I’m a year younger than all of them and so I felt really uncomfortable lol

but then I realized I never stopped feeling uncomfortable about it haha and here I am

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31 minutes ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

I was 9 going on 10 when had my first, for certain, experience with aesthetic attraction.
Sure there was nothing sexual about it at the time, but it was enough of a flag that when puberty came around I wasn't surprised at all.

I guess I assumed I was 'normal' because I very occasionally had crushes on guys. I never, ever thought of anyone in a sexual way though. Just romantic. Even then, I don't even know what I would have done with that romantic attraction.

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... when I had to pretend to have crushes on boys in grade school. All the girls in my friend group were “boy crazy” and I felt left out. I didn’t understand how they could feel that way towards anyone so I would fake having a crush on someone just so I would feel included. This carried on into high school and college.

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bookwormprincesskat

Biggest should’ve known moments generally have to do with:

 

people playing games like “f**k, marry, kill” or stupid Facebook games where you put your name and comment certain numbers where almost everything centered around sex or fantasies. I never got how someone could just look at someone and want to have sex.  Polyamory was a huge reason I eventually found out I was asexual. 

 

Also sexting. Never understood it or why you would do it. When people would try all I could say was oh. Made people mad and call me names regardless of the fact that they initiated it. 

 

When guys or girls would send nude and/or semi nude photos. Or immediately try to talk about sex. Just ew. I didn’t understand for a long long time that most people are cool with that or not completely grossed out. I would immediately block people because of it. 

 

When i would think of relationships sex wasn’t a factor. I was always interested in the romance part but not the sexual aspect. I would at times get “mad” at sex for “ruining” things. I didn’t realize that most people considered sex a vital part of a relationship and even just a vital part of being human. 

 

I didnt start questioning til I was an adult. Mostly because I spent my teenage years isolated at home being homeschooled. I had little to no interaction with anyone outside of family. Looking back I should have known. 

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1 hour ago, bookwormprincesskat said:

 

I didnt start questioning til I was an adult. Mostly because I spent my teenage years isolated at home being homeschooled. I had little to no interaction with anyone outside of family. Looking back I should have known. 

I've always wondered what people that were home schooled think of it in later years. Do you have siblings?

 

I know a couple that home schooled their five children. I'm pretty sure the kids weren't stuck at home all the time. Mind you there probably a lot of kids that arent so lucky. I always worry how these folks interact with society when theyve grown up with little to no contact with the 'outside world'.

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