Lynda Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I am sitting here and watching the Sydney Mardi Gras! I never got excited by sex like they seem to. Yes, I have had sex. In fact I was quite active for a while as a student - but just searching repeatedly, often on one-night stands after an evening at the pub, for why everyone else thought this so important. After unsatisfying and meaningless sexual experiences I gave up. Then I met someone I fell for. But sex was never very easy for me with him and eventually I left due to hating the pressure to have nightly sex. The same happened again with my next partner ... and the next. I realised the initial attraction and efforts to enjoy sex just couldn't be maintained - I just didn't really enjoy sex. I was too worried that I wouldn't respond right and felt extremely awkward trying. I had no confidence so I couldn't relax . My last partner has stayed with me and we had occasional bad sex over 10 years or so. He then decided he wanted to be celibate. That was 22 years ago so we went into separate bedrooms and it was actually a great relief to me. I have had sex once since then. But not with him - a complete disaster instead with his best friend from the past who I had fancied, then he became suddenly available but, surprise, surprise, it just didn't work out and I feel embarresssed thinking of it now. I feel useless at sex and not really that keen normally anyway! I tried because I felt it was the thing to do but it just doesn't excite me. I don't know if I am asexual - I only just read about the word and this site for the first time tonight and signed up on a whim. Whatever, the thought of sex with anyone is now very unattractive to me. Too much pressure to perform right and no attraction. Once or twice a year I feel the urge to masturbate, but I don't miss sex. I have some attraction to men and possibly to women too, though I have never been with one, but not really for sex - I just enjoy close contact if I am attracted to someone. Yet normally I hate to be touched - even with my mum and dad I wanted to keep my distance when young, not to be hugged etc. And yes, I was an only child if that means anything. I am now in my 60s so maybe it is natural now to lose interest in sex but then I never really felt it when I was younger. Life would have been a lot easier if I had been able to conform more in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Thank you for sharing your personal story, I think that's very brave. And welcome to the AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! 3 hours ago, Lynda said: I have some attraction to men and possibly to women too, though I have never been with one, but not really for sex - I just enjoy close contact if I am attracted to someone. You might want to look into Romantic Attraction, which is a separate thing from Sexual Attraction. This Thread is a very thorough informational guide on the subject Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Welcome! Masturbation without sexual fantasy is just cleaning the plumbing, so don’t worry about that. There are multiple types of attraction - we broke it down to help explaining easier - so maybe look into what types you’re experiencing? Link to post Share on other sites
Lynda Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Thanks for the info. What is aromatic? Something to do with smell, I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 The 'A' prefix means without, so Aromantic means you don't feel romantic attraction. I'm an Aromantic Asexual, I have no desire for sex but I also have no desire for romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Lynda Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Sorry my mistake, I just reread it. Aromantic not aromatic! I have definitely had romantic crushes but really just wanted to squish. Unfortunately a guy will assume it means sex is on the cards and you are called a tease if you pull back. I am a bit of a withdrawn person re touching normally and don't have any strong friendships either. Just my male companion nowadays but that is platonic and no touching at all. Sometimes I want more connection but generally I am happy with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Hello and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
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