AceWizardApprentice Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Honestly, I don't get what I deserved to get called that in middle school in the middle of class, but do any of you have an idea as to why anyone would say that to another person? I just don't get how being an aromantic ace could make someone think that. At the very least the person apologised for it before graduation, but it could have been a lot worse, truth be told. Has anyone else been told something like this? Any idea why romantic and often sexual love is considered human while not feeling either/any of those is considered inhuman and cold? I guess allo people in general feel less platonic love or just view it as lesser because it doesn't give the same high as romantic/sexual love does. Link to post Share on other sites
MissMidnight Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Been called similar. I think people just lash out at what they dont understand. Its easier for them that way or something. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I know someone online who repeatedly calls me Skynet as a joke because they find my Asexuality funny. Something about having no desire for sex seems to make some people think that you have little or no emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Platonic Underdog Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I think that a lot of it is due to society and pop culture, personally. Theres such an emphasis on romantic and sexual feelings (both of which I cannot comprehend experiencing) on TV and in movies and books and real life that it has an impact people's perspectives. A lot of people don't realise that platonic feelings are just as valid. @MissMidnight also has point. The unknown is scary, terrifying even. And a lot of people tend to attack what they don't understand. I tend to try and have open conversations about it with people and sometimes I add a little humour since that can sometimes help with some people (at least that's what's happened with the few people I've come out to). Link to post Share on other sites
Gldlynch Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Today's world heavily emphasises on the importance of love and romance. We hear about it in songs, we see it in Coca Cola ads, the amount of dating TV shows is record-breaking, Tiffany & Co. would be nothing without it. I guess people make the shallow assumption that people who don't find love and romance central in life are hollow people. The worst I've experienced is, "isn't asexuality the thing that plants do? Like reproducing themselves?" I just replied, "yeah, pretty much!" and disappeared into the sunset. Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I've been called witch and devil and satanist because I like to wear black. I've been called robot by my GP because I don't really have facial expressions when I'm in a depressive episode. I suppose it just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Planet Ace Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I suppose it's something that for most people is central to themselves, so it's hard to even imagine it not being central for some humans. For them, it's so intrinsic to their identity that to be a romantic/sexual being is to be human. Therefore, someone who isn't is seen as inhuman. Which isn't true, obviously, but I can see how one might think that if they'd never met or even heard of someone who's ace/aro, it's just so far outside everything they've experienced up to that point. Not necessarily malicious, just ignorant. My twin brother called me "cold hearted" once, years ago. I was being much too logical for his hyper-romantic teenaged self's liking, I guess. I've also been called a Vulcan (by somebody else, not my brother), and told I'm "too picky." *sigh* ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Link to post Share on other sites
Amber79 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 It's a lack of education about what love is, people think if can't fall in love then you can't love full stop. Like attraction there are many types of love; parental, platonic, romantic etc.. but people are only taught about romantic and parental love. If you don't do either of those, then you're seen as heartless and not human. As an aro ace I've had similar things said to me, it just comes from ignorance. Link to post Share on other sites
DeltaDeusChaos Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I've been called an emotionless bast*** by multiple girls till I graduated high school because of a breakup while I was trying to figure out my romantic and sexual identity. When I show one of my friends my finished projects he usual says that it's "cold and uncompromising, like you" because of the few relationships he's seen me in My platonic friend tells me "lovingly" that the only two things I'm actually good at "are being alone and slow destroying myself" but she's one of the few people who actual knows how internally melodramatic I am so I just take it as a joke. All of those things are slightly true but not really the whole story. I just tend not to understand my own emotions and think the logical best thing to do is push people away Link to post Share on other sites
DayDreamer~ Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I have to wonder if people misunderstand that asexuality and aromantic aren't the same thing as a lack of feeling altogether. I think part of the issue could be the stigma with certain psychological personality disorders we're taught in school (random thought train, probably wrong). They might be mistaking a lack of sexual or romantic feelings as something like a lack of emotion altogether, which leads to paranoia about someone being 'off' and not caring about others completely. Obviously this isn't the case, but maybe that's sometimes where the fear part comes from at least, alongside misunderstanding and ignorance? But in general I'd say most people just aren't used to the concept that love isn't one thing, and there's not one way to love, nor is there anything wrong with not experiencing romantic attraction towards others. One can obviously still be a decent human being if they don't experience romantic or sexual feelings. Luckily I haven't experienced much by way of people calling me cold for a lack of sexual attraction. There was one time before I knew I was Ace that someone told me, 'How are you ever going to be loved if you don't want sex?' Kind of a harsh blow to someone who's still very romantic. ^-^' Link to post Share on other sites
201170 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I think most aros hear that type of things at least once in their life. Especially in highschool days, people care about romantic relationships too much, even they see that as a status indicator. Therefore when you say something about your being aromantic, they overreact. Also ,like they already said, popular culture has an important effect on this situation. All films, novels and series contains sexual and romantic elements, even it's a sci-fi or action film and doesn't need any of this elements. Producers and directors think that makes the characters 'more human', so they are more relatable for audience like this. They create an image about being a human, which contains only romantic love or sometimes parental love. Society thinks only emotion is romantic or domestic(?) love but hey! I feel sad, happy, angry, anxious, eager, exited and a lot of things too. I'm an individual and i deserve respect too. Maybe i've never cried for my 'love' but i cried for lots of wrong things in world and do you know what? I have feelings. They are just different from others. Anyway, i suggest just don't mind them. You're a human being, you're not an robot, heartless beast or alien and your lack of interest on romanticism doesn't make you less human. Link to post Share on other sites
umbasa Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Psycho, sociopath, autistic, robot, broken, mental, Sheldon. Yep. The Sheldon one pisses me off the most. Not just because it is an awful character from a shit show but because I am not a piece of fiction. Is also untrue because I am not an arsehole to others but a lack of expression makes me the same regardless. Unfortunately, I think it is a rite of passage for us. It should not be but it seems like there is always going to be someone who is taken aback by our lack of response to what they deem as integral to life and for some reason they feel they have to tell us of how unusual we are. The only one I can't really deny is the mental accusation but only because I do suffer from mental illnesses, however the accusation still does not make sense since mental illnesses are all about emotion (even the ones that numb us). But it still pisses me off because 1) they are saying me being ace is a mental illness (it is not!) and 2) only us mentally ill use mental. We've taken that word back. Stop using it as a derogatory term for the mentally ill. Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 14 minutes ago, umbasa said: Psycho, sociopath, autistic, robot, broken, mental, Sheldon. Yep. The Sheldon one pisses me off the most. Not just because it is an awful character from a shit show but because I am not a piece of fiction. Is also untrue because I am not an arsehole to others but a lack of expression makes me the same regardless. I love that show, but I hate being compared to Sheldon. I've been told many times that I'm like him, and it hurts. I have a lot of insecurities, and being compared to someone I'm not like highlights them. Sure, I'm bad at reading people, I'm very particular about some things, and I'm a nerd, but I'm not Sheldon Cooper! I'm much more emotional, I've always seen myself as romantic, and I know how to deal with change. Another thing: If everyone who watches The Big Bang Theory seems to love Sheldon, and they compare me to him, why do so few people love me or even want to talk to me? In fact, people like Sheldon better now than they did at the beginning of the series, and people actually compare my progress to HIS, and yet people still seem to hate me! Link to post Share on other sites
umbasa Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 2 minutes ago, Duke Memphis said: I love that show, but I hate being compared to Sheldon. I've been told many times that I'm like him, and it hurts. I have a lot of insecurities, and being compared to someone I'm not like highlights them. Sure, I'm bad at reading people, I'm very particular about some things, and I'm a nerd, but I'm not Sheldon Cooper! I'm much more emotional, I've always seen myself as romantic, and I know how to deal with change. Another thing: If everyone who watches The Big Bang Theory seems to love Sheldon, and they compare me to him, why do so few people love me or even want to talk to me? In fact, people like Sheldon better now than they did at the beginning of the series, and people actually compare my progress to HIS, and yet people still seem to hate me! It is the same deal with nerds. In media is is presented (and accepted) as the 'in' thing but irl nerds are still as ostracised as ever. When you look at popular TV or movies where the character is in control of their emotions. They are seen as cool. irl you're called a heartless robot or avoided for being weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 People about Sheldon's relationship: "Awww... He's so sweet, albeit oblivious sometimes. He's grown, become more human!" People about my relationship: "WHAT? You have a GIRLFRIEND? Well, then, it seems you're straight. Hmmm, my friend was right." There's no emoticon available that shows how I feel about that. The Patrick Stewart meme doesn't even quite show it. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 40 minutes ago, umbasa said: Psycho, sociopath, autistic, robot, broken, mental, Sheldon. Yep. The Sheldon one pisses me off the most. Not just because it is an awful character from a shit show but because I am not a piece of fiction. Is also untrue because I am not an arsehole to others but a lack of expression makes me the same regardless. That surprises me because I've been compared to Sheldon too but thought I'd be the only one. I mean the character isn't even Asexual, whereas the robot metaphors at least make some sense since a robot wouldn't care about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 11 minutes ago, Duke Memphis said: There's no emoticon available that shows how I feel about that. The Patrick Stewart meme doesn't even quite show it. Would the Jackie Chan meme suffice? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Just like others said, for majority of people who are sexual, it's something almost vital to them to have relationships and sex. Because many humans can't understand other points of view but only from their, they think that the world spin around what they desire and it's simply not worthy to try to change their minds, people like that always think they are right, the best for you to do it's to ignore and not let others hurt you, because you will only be hurt if you let (in the sense of feelings). I don't think sexual people have less platonic love, it's just that they think it's lesser on the grand schema of the relationships while usually for people who are asexual, it's on the top priority of relationships. What we have here it's the basic, 'they vs us', what we should do it's to try to find a common ground where sexual and asexual people can still have relationships (platonic or romantic) and where there is only 'us'. Let's not generalize and offend others, let's show to people that we are different and that despite the differences we still can love and understand each other. Not every sexual person is like that. Just a reminder. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Honestly, most people out in the world are not very empathetic. An empathetic person wouldn't say those things to another human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Solovei Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 3 hours ago, Platonic Underdog said: A lot of people don't realise that platonic feelings are just as valid. But, apparently, inherently inferior. Less strong. Less important. Almost unnecessary. Unlike those most exalted ones induced by raging hormones which, apparently, are what life is really (and exclusively) about. The epitome of being human. Or something :/ 3 hours ago, Gldlynch said: "isn't asexuality the thing that plants do? Like reproducing themselves?" I just replied, "yeah, pretty much!" and disappeared into the sunset. Well, I often joke how I wish we photosynthesised, 'cause, truth be told, all our physiological processes are kinda icky Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Dunno, I'd consider that to be a compliment Beep beep Link to post Share on other sites
rythax Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I feel most people have some level of prejudice, probably from how/where they've been raised and what they've been taught, and it tends to be stronger when the conflicting opinion is rarer. People will quite happily have issues with others who like different food or a rival football team or similar, so when confronted by someone who isn't interested in something they think is universally agreed upon they can't take it. The bigger problem is those who can't keep it to themselves. There are too many people in the world who feel that they need to "correct" everyone else so they become more like them, probably because their fragile egos can't handle someone not agreeing with them. It's hurtful and inflicts more emotional damage than they can possibly imagine, but that doesn't stop them. It's not something that's going to go away anytime soon, but we can hope that through better awareness, education and upbringing that it at least gets better over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Zatarra Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 4 hours ago, AceWizardApprentice said: Has anyone else been told something like this? I get called Robot ALL the time...lately I have started to own it in a humorous self-depreciating way Interestingly enough it was the character Sheldon Cooper that brought me to the term Asexual in the first place. I was watching a clip on youtube and scrolled to the comment section where there was a 'debate' raging on about whats his deal. I noticed few people threw the word Asexual around ...and that caught my attention...I had never really considered asexuality outside of biology class. it seems with sexuals at best I get called "Monk-Like" or "robot" or "closet homosexual" at worst its "psychopath, repressed pervert or sexual deviant" so yeah it does get worse than "robot"... what is worse when these things are said about you at work as people are too sex-obsessed and narrowminded to EVER consider that someone may just not wanted. No you are though of as "Less of a person" Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 56 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said: Would the Jackie Chan meme suffice? Put Jackie Chan with Patrick Stewart. That's how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I’ve definitely been called emotionless, heartless, and robotic, and I’ve been accused of being incapable of feeling love. Some college kids that were in my philosophy class once said AI and humans who don’t experience romantic/sexual love “aren’t human enough.” So basically according to them, if I was a machine, I wouldn’t be human enough to be afforded the same rights as “normal” people. Some people are just incorrigibly narrow-minded. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I've had one person ask if I was a robot after he asked me if I like to cuddle and I said "no." My response was to laugh and say, "Yeah, I'm a robot." That ended that right there because I didn't take offense to it. Another way is to turn something back on the other person. One of my brother's teachers made some weird comment making fun of my brother because he was wearing two articles of clothing that matched in color, and my brother asked something along the lines of, "Why? Do you want to copy me?" Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 No I'm a brainless monster robot. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.