Gender confused

[Ace_Cat]

For some background, I grew up in an area where gender was black and white and so was sexuality. You were born male or female and you could be gay or straight, no in between. As I have grown and moved around I have discovered a  whole new world which led me here. After a steep learning curve, I am now comfortable with my sexuality. However, I am finding my gender identity is now the centre of confusion. I never truly considered it until my therapist asked me "how do you identify?" and I had no idea how to answer... 

 

I have never been uncomfortable being gendered as female. But in the last year, I definitely have started changing how I present. Some days I am very feminine and others I definitely prefer to be masculine (I even bought a binder for days that I HATE looking the least bit feminine). The first time I was gendered as a male was in Kenya. The small village had not seen many white people and NEVER someone as confusing as me. I am a 6"2 women with short hair and at the time I was wearing field clothing so I dressed in cargos and a button up. For context, they tend to believe all white women should be short and have long hair. Many assumed I was male and would call me brother (it was pretty entertaining when I would let them keep calling me brother then I would speak after a few minutes. As I have a high pitched voice they would look both confused and terrified lol). But I have to admit, the first time I was called brother I felt that inner wave of butterflies and it made me happy. 

 

I believe the main reason I do not mind being gendered as solely female is due to my VERY Catholic family (I have several uncles and aunts who are priests, nuns and bishops). I have not come out to them as asexual and I fear that if I were to bombard them with my "unorthodox lifestyle" (for lack of a better term) they would totally lose it. So here I am asking for opinions. Gender identity is a whole new world for me and I am open to ALL thoughts and opinions. Has anyone else felt this way? 

[Lichley]

Maybe this might be something that you’re experiencing? 

http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/75333093314/the-more-subtle-kind-of-gender-dysphoria

[K.I.N.G]

14 hours ago, Ace_Cat said:

I believe the main reason I do not mind being gendered as solely female is due to my VERY Catholic family (I have several uncles and aunts who are priests, nuns and bishops). I have not come out to them as asexual and I fear that if I were to bombard them with my "unorthodox lifestyle" (for lack of a better term) they would totally lose it.

I feel for you as it isn’t easy and im am in a similar situation.

 

conserning you’re gender - have you thought about how you actually feel about your gender identity? Only you can say how you feel but maybe try looking up something like genderflux/fluid (where a persons gender can change or fluctuate between different genders) - there’s also identities like agenderflux (where a person doesn’t feel like they’ve got a gender but do have fluctuating feelings of masculinity and femininity) 

 

Again though only you can identify yourself and what you feel is valid! I do recommend you do some research and see what you find.

 

Good luck hope you find away to be comfortable and happy! 

[Ace_Cat]

@Lichley @SebastianMichaelis

 

Thank you, both for your input! I will have to do some more research on my own, but the information you gave was very helpful! Hopefully, I can sort it out and figure out a way to help my family understand. 

 

Thanks again!