Double jeopardy - asexual and ill (rant)

[kusan38]

 I'm feeling sorry for myself and venting, so please don't read this if you're looking for something constructive.

 

Part 1: I don't mind being asexual/aromantic. I have been thus throughout my life. I do mind that I feel excluded partially or fully from my colleagues' life-planning conversations about marriage and having babies. No one is actively excluding me. There's simply no place for me to participate -- and unfortunately, I'm surrounded by young adults in the prime life stage for marriage/birth. I can't escape it, and it chips away at me.

Part 2: The "culture clash" in part 1 is not the only thing that drives me to isolate. I also have a gastrointestinal disorder that makes me feel ill and disgusting. It means my diet is ridiculously restricted and I must avoid restaurants, and I derive no joy from foodie culture; I can't even muster up a smile about AVEN's digital cake.

It's hard to understand how deeply human interaction and enjoyment (for most people) depends on sex and food unless you're decoupled from them.

Where do I go? I may expect empathetic responses for part 1 here and for part 2 on a very different forum, but when my mood is at its worst, I feel a sense of not belonging anywhere at all.


 

[rofl]

For most people having a spouse, marriage, having children, are such essential parts of life. It can feel quite isolating if you're not a part of this. Like you're left behind or you're  missing out on such important life events, even if they aren't important to you. In society the first kiss and  first time are seen as such epic life moments that you will remember forever, and your wedding day is considered the best day of your life. Not experiencing all of this can feel like you're so far behind in life.

The food part seems very unpleasant. I don't know how restricted your diet is, but aren't there enough alternatives that let you enjoy a variety of different meals. Like vegans restrict their diet heavily but there are so many vegan substitutes for non vegan foods that they can have a healthy and varied diet without missing out too much.

[kusan38]

Thanks for replying, rofl. You're absolutely right that being outside the typical relationship patterns can feel isolating -- thank heavens for AVEN, at least. The food thing is even more unpleasant, I think. I can have some variation in food (some, not a lot) and still often feel terrible. However, even with the variety I can have, I must prepare most of it at home because restaurants are not careful (they may tell you a dish is free of X ingredient, but it may have been cooked on something that previously had X on it).

Anyway, thanks for listening to my self pitying rant. I appreciate it. You've earned some karma points.

 

 

[umbasa]

I'm with ya on the food. Although for me it is a mental illness causing the isolation when it comes to food. Once excluded, you really do realise how vital a place eating together has in society. And I'm also with you on the AVEN cake thing. I can recognise it is a nice gesture but it is impossible for me to look at it positively.

 

Not wanting to eat out / in front of people AND not wanting to go for nights out because of what that entails... Yeah, there's not much left over in terms of socialising.

 

I'd like to have some friends. Fuck that, if I can manage to get ONE friend I'd be grateful. However, I know it would be pointless because I'd eventually end up pushing them away (as I have done in the past). Don't want to bring someone in my life only to make them feel shitty because of my self destructive ways. People don't deserve that.

 

But then there is also the issue that you note. At our age, most people are starting or have started their own families and thus time with friends become less and less. Which leaves us with diddly squat. Except forums such as this, which is nice but it isn't... You know.

 

... This isn't helping, is it?

 

 

Sorry, your venting has set me off with my own rant. It isn't consolation at all for you but I was just glad that there was someone else that appreciates how isolating the culture of food can be.

[wonderflonium]

I'm sorry you feel isolated - it's not fun to be on the outside looking in, even if no one intends to put you there. There are a million little things that make up "normal" societal interaction these days, and the focus seems to shift depending on your age, and your group of friends.  I found it much easier to blend into my social groups when I was younger, and now, the same thing - things are very marriage and baby focused, and it's isolating. I'm part of a group chat with some friends and the conversation went from them planning weddings to just babies, all the time. Or if it's not marriage and babies, it seems to be party culture - which is not me at all.

 

Dietary restrictions can make a night out a hassle - I have the utmost sympathy for you. I have a few allergies (some weird ones - celery, yeast, alcohol, coconut), but nothing quite so severe. I know what problems they can cause me, so I can only image how frustrating and exhausting it must be when magnified ten-fold.

 

I just want you to know you aren't completely alone, even when you may feel like it - and I can't possible know exactly what it's like for you (nor would I claim to), but my door is open any time you need to rant.