Dating app question

[Wolf27]

I’ve been using dating apps as a way to get myself out there. I’ve been talking to quite a few guys. Most of the time the convos fizzled out but I’ve been speaking to a guy who has asked for my number. I like him and he seems really nice. I was wondering when I should tell him about about me being ace. Should I do it now before it goes further or wait until we go out?

[squaggly]

If you go out he might think that sex is a thing. Tell him before you go out, and if he leaves because he can't have sex, he's not really a nice guy. 

[Tercy]

Tell him immediately. I'll never understand the "wait until the nth date so he's invested enough that he'll maybe agree to try giving up sex for you" mentality (which is basically manipulation/entrapment).

 

Also, would there be any harm in mentioning your orientation on your profile?

 

6 minutes ago, squaggly said:

if he leaves because he can't have sex, he's not really a nice guy. 

If a dude loses interest because sex in the immediate future isn't a possibility, you could argue that he perhaps has an unhealthy attitude towards women and relationships. If he loses interest because sex will never be possible at any point in the future, I don't see the problem... ?

[Planet Ace]

Yes, tell him now, don't wait. If that's a deal breaker for him, then it wouldn't have worked out long term anyway, so it's better to find out now. That's information that should be in your dating profile. It'll help weed out the guys that would need sex in a relationship to be happy, leaving just the ones you might actually want to date who would be cool with not having sex. Saves time for you and them both. 

[NerotheReaper]

It is good to tell him soon as you can, it is only fair to him. 

[butterflydreams]

3 hours ago, Tercy said:

Tell him immediately. I'll never understand the "wait until the nth date so he's invested enough that he'll maybe agree to try giving up sex for you" mentality (which is basically manipulation/entrapment).

This is basically the same thing for trans people. There are some trans people out there who are like, "oh, I'll hold off on saying something until the other person is invested, then they'll overlook it." It's like, no, the percentage of people that will work for is so small, it's just not worth it.

 

Just get it out there as soon as is reasonable. Honestly, it's not that different from someone who's gay putting up a profile, but not mentioning they're gay. Then when some straight person likes them and they start getting to know each other, the gay person is like, "oh btw, I'm gay". Things weren't going to work right from the start, why delay the inevitable?

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

3 hours ago, Wolf27 said:

I’ve been using dating apps as a way to get myself out there. I’ve been talking to quite a few guys. Most of the time the convos fizzled out but I’ve been speaking to a guy who has asked for my number. I like him and he seems really nice. I was wondering when I should tell him about about me being ace. Should I do it now before it goes further or wait until we go out?

Yes,  I would highly recommend to do so, just to cut off any wrong expectations from the very start.

[Alejandrogynous]

I very rarely use dating apps or sites but when I do, I always state my orientation in my profile. Yes, it might scare off some cool folks but better for everyone to just avoid that incompatibility in the first place, in my opinion. And if someone's going to be a jerk about it, I like knowing straight off before I even waste a polite hello.

 

So yes, tell sooner rather than later.