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Idk what to think about this criticism


binary suns

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binary suns

TW discussion of phobia

 

Last night I spent some time reading a thread in reddit with people discussing transgender and one of the discussions was talking about

 

 

how too many kids are angsty and need a sense of self and so cling to the idea that it’s better for the other gender and go and destroy their bodies for something unessecary

 

 

 

and so like that makes me sad and idk I would say I doubt because it’s not going to stop me but I guess I worry about that and just trust people to be okay anyway but it shakes me up to hear people talk about it because I don’t know if it’s true false or just a warning people can process before committing. To me tho those criticisms are hurtful and scary and I’m afraid they’re true even if only for 5% of the trans population. Especually sinse if it’s a legitimate concern visibility could make that false positive more common. 

 

Some people would counter that that by saying that being the wrong gender would feel wrong and then you’d know to stop gender but I don’t think that’s reliable because 1) if people get enthusiastically accepted it’s rewarding and 2) if they have anxiety about who they are more distress over identity is just more of the same. Not convincing. 

 

 

 

 

For myself I shake this concern off me because - I am not a woman because it’s my internal identity; I’m genderless internally; I’m a woman for different reasons. I’ve processed who I am to the point where being womanly is just a choice I’m going to always make. There’s plenty of reasons to accept that choice but the core structure of my gender is because it’s just who I’m going to naturally be if it isn’t resisted. 

 

 

But I dunno what to think about the criticism. It doesn’t shake my identity because I’m grounded somewhere else. But it does shake me emotionally because I want the best for my community and I don’t know how to process the criticism, IDK how to reconcile it. 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
17 minutes ago, StormySky said:

I don't think that's criticism, I think it's just being a jerk.

I agree.

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Galactic Turtle

Do most people experience an "angst" phase in their pre-teens/teens? Absolutely, most likely because that's when our bodies change and that's when we start developing the agency to become our own person, forming our own opinions, etc. Does that mean we're inherently different people in adulthood than we were as teens? I don't think so. I think our adult selves is the result of us working through that angst usually caused by the newness and uncertainty that comes with beginning to navigate the world as our own person.

 

Unless I was painfully out of the loop (I probably was) all these different genders and sexualities simply weren't a big thing when I was in middle/high school. There was this one girl who dyed her hair rainbow who changed sexualities at least once a school year. Very sweet but also very artsy, probably spent lots of time on Tumblr. I distinctly remember thinking she was insane and as a teen girl from a strict household who definitely was not developing attraction towards boys, her constant Gay-Straight Alliance advertisements being stuck to my locker did make me harbor mild resentment, like somehow going to a meeting would awaken my dormant lesbianism. I don't know if she's straight now, but she's only had boyfriends. She is also a major feminist and human rights activist. What shined through even when she was a teen was her natural desire to stand up for "the little guy," her endless positive attitude, and her curiosity to delve into things that most people didn't take time to talk about. Was there a phase of discovery? Yes. Is she very different now? Not really. I just checked her Facebook page. Her hair is electric blue and she was just in an artsy photoshoot with a bunch of other women climbing trees and posing confidently while naked.

 

While I don't know much about gender and think what that person said on Reddit was pretty insensitive, I do see lots of posts on AVEN that are like "I have a female body but I don't like nail polish or the color pink and I don't mind when people call me "he" or "they" so I must not be a girl." I think that not fitting some antiquated stereotype attributed to girls is different from not being a girl and there's a lot of confusion going around conflating gender identity and gender expression. Still, everyone has their own path and I think every step of that path is very much necessary whether that be as a kid, a teen, or an adult. So what if you change your mind later? So what if you don't? Trying to scare people by telling them over an over that they're wrong, they'll regret something, or that they'll think differently when they're older is used for a lot of things whether that be your college choice (or lack of college choice), your career choice, your tattoo choice, your choice of partner, how you publicly identify, your anything that goes against what another person expects of you. At some point you've gotta start giving yourself some credit or you'll be trapped in a maze of self doubt your entire life.

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I don't even really think that's a criticism.  It's just saying that a lot of kids are too eager to make sweeping changes to themselves before they've been able to really digest what those changes will mean, which is just stating a fact.  Kids are short-sighted like that; it doesn't even necessarily apply just to transsexuality.

 

If you've actually been able to give the subject the proper thought and consideration and you still feel the way you do, then it isn't a "criticism" that applies to you.  I mean, let's face it, physical+chemical transition is serious shit that really shouldn't be taken lightly.  It is not a simple procedure.

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I'm not trans so I don't know what it feels like or how they know, but there are some people I've met who really do just seem like they are doing it because they want to. When it comes to body modifications so drastic, I think you should think about it for a long time to see if you are ready. A teenager probably can't make the right decisions, because our brains haven't fully developed yet and the part that develops last helps you make good long term decisions. That's why I'm scared when someone who is younger than me is going to do a trans surgery. I don't know if they will regret it because they might not know themselves yet.

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While there may be many young people who jump to conclusions about identity, I feel like there should be some kinda education on what transitions are like, instead of complaining about "angsty kids these days"

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I do feel like some teens are like that in general, but these “critics” don’t seem to realize that it’s not so simple to just go on up and change your body, especially as a teen. They’d need parental consent if they’re under 18 (tattoos as well). As well as being diagnosed by a therapist, teen or adult.

 

Now, informed consent is for people 18+. Can’t speak for other people, but I have done my own outside research as well and have been seriously considering it for about 1-2 years. So yeah, it doesn’t apply to me.

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binary suns

ah! I get it - so the concern that a person shouldn't rush into something major is valid, but not the expectation that the stranger knows what's best for someone when the reality is it takes a lot of time to actually go from "I think I am trans" to "I'm going to do [X] medical transition". 

 

I think the common counter-point I was seeing - "being in the wrong gender sucks - so if you try to transition, and it's wrong - you know" is an oversimplification, but true. I think that @Galactic Turtle represented this well - they said with an example, and I'm paraphrasing - stop me if you disagree @anyone  :) but .... sometimes people explore. and that is okay. Because exploration is one way of learning. some people want to know for sure before they walk out the door and say "I am trans call me [new pronouns/name]!" but others are different, and need the chance to try something before they know. Most people are somewhere in between.

 

 

I think that it is OKAY for people to be scared or worried when they see something that others are doing that they wouldn't be comfortable or willing to do. Something that they personally don't approve. And while I know this can be expressed harshly, I think it's important to have some leeway for it. IDK . . I didn't really find the people who were expressing these criticisms to be doing so in a rude way. it was a discussion about the topic, and people presented their thoughts, concerns, and opinions. and experiences.  no one directly opposed anyone's decision - only voiced concern in a neutral discussion. I didn't see any flaming and there were no personally directed comments. I feel strongly that people should be allowed to have discussions even if it's over controversial subjects, if it's in an environment well-suited for such a discussion. and the thread I found was as such. 

 

But now I understand a little better, why that criticism doesn't hold enough water to be effectively valid - even if it might seem reasonable in its theory. 

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when the reality is it takes a lot of time to actually go from "I think I am trans" to "I'm going to do [X] medical transition". 

It takes a lot of time for most adults.  Kids can make that logical leap (as well as others) a whole lot quicker.

 

I've always been cautious as hell regarding just about everything, but that's also why I didn't tend to get myself hurt that much (which sounds good on paper but has also come with its own set of drawbacks).  It turns out, my experience wasn't exactly typical.

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Janus the Fox

While not a criticism, the sentiment is rather true.  The gender of kids fluctuate until everything settles down.  For some, the difference is very apparent within themselves as early as age 4, and stays that way for life, while others, takes more time to self-acknowledge the difference. 

 

Though, teens will be teens, everything is on the change going through it.

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ElasticPlanet
20 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

The gender of kids fluctuate until everything settles down.

Yes, although I think we should be careful and not assume that fluctuating presentation is a sign of fluctuating internal feelings. It can be but it doesn't have to be. Someone might explore something and find it's not for them, or (as I found aged 9ish) enjoy trying something but think that they didn't quite need it badly enough to fight the rest of the world in order to be allowed to continue with it.

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