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Everyone's Expectations Is Exhausting


HappyMJ

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I don't want kids.

"But you might change your mind one day!"

I don't want to date or get married.

"I'm sure you'll find someone and change your mind!"

Sex sounds... gross.

"It's a natural human thing, you'll like it when you try it."

 

I'm pretty sure the reason I stayed a single virgin for so long is because people said these things to me. And my asexuality/aromanticism is STILL VALID after I've done these things. Just because I've had ONE experience that was good, does not mean I'm just "picky".

I'm sick of the general idea that having sex, getting married, and having kids IS THE THING YOU DO WITH LIFE.

You know what I wanna do? I want to become an artist. I want to grow plants because unlike children, they make me happy. I want to create music.

Just because I don't want to create what you think I should doesn't mean I'm not worth respect.

 

Besides that, I just have a general fear of pregnancy. Not even natural not wanting to be pregnant, but the thought of something growing in my body TERRIFIES ME. When I was a kid I ate a watermelon seed and had nightmares about it growing out of my stomach FOR WEEKS.

I don't like children, I don't want to take care of them. "If you have them you'll feel different", I DON'T WANT THEM TO BEGIN WITH.

But at the same time I get weirdly nervous like, but should I try to continue the bloodline? Pass on what I have to teach to the new generation? There's so much pressure about being a parent.

 

Anyway, rant is kinda over now.

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I'm sexual, but I never wanted children and have never regretted not having them. While some people think children are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to them, others do regret having children - but at the point there is nothing that they can do - they are committed for basically the rest of their lives. 

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Growing inside your body does make it sound like a disease doesn’t it? And the act that you have to perform to get one, only for it to cause you 18+ years of grief? Not worth it. (I know that there are other forms of conceiving, but all of them sound gross tbh).

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I've never wanted kids. People always tell me I will someday but I don't think so. I always told them that IF I had kids (unlikely though), I would adopt. We already have a population problem and there are so many kids in the world that need help so bringing another one into the world just doesn't make sense for me.

I have a friend who is a photographer and she is traveling cross country with her husband. She doesn't have any kids. She inspires me because that's what I would love to do- see the world. I don't want to be committed to a child for the rest of my life. I feel like I deserve to give myself the life I want, which doesn't include kids and staying tied down in a suburban town somewhere.

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I’m one of the last male descendants in the main branch of my family so there’s this tacit pressure for me to find someone soon. 😒 My belief is the most important thing we pass on isn’t our genetic material, but our beliefs and moral codes. We need more good, honest people, not just more people. We don’t need to have kids for that. I’d be a terrible dad anyways. Maybe I could be a good uncle that taught some life lessons and stuff, but idk about anything more prominent that.

 

And, if you’re a woman, pregnancy seems ridiculously inconvenient and unfair. I don’t blame any woman for not wanting to deal with that BS.

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Ms. Carolynne

I know what you mean; it strikes me odd that everyone makes it a life goal, like it's the only thing that is important.

 

@Laplace I agree, we need better people, not more.

 

I also feel we need a better world in general.

 

There are also plenty of kids who need families, so I'd rather adopt anyway.

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You. Do. You.

 

I’m 23 and have never dated. My mother is one of those hopeless people who desire a great chain of grandchildren but because I come with pre-existing medical conditions I’m probably going to adopt, pregnancy isn’t well suited for me.

 

Become an artist! Do everything on your bucketlist! People always assume that others a sad when they state “I’m married to my job” as opposed to a person... but sometimes people are in fact happy with their job being their “main squeeze.” Whatever stage in life you are up to, I hope you are happy and I hope you surround yourself with people who are happy with the way you find your happiness :)

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SpaceDustbin

I'm so annoyed with all the assumptions that you can only be happy and lead a fulfilled life when you're in a relationship, and preferably get kids. Because that's the grand scheme of things, right? (though surprisingly -and luckily- my parents are not the ones pestering me about it)

 

Lately one of my friends from work started bothering me about me being single. At least... he seems to be more bothered about it than I am, and thinks I miss the key to happiness. No matter how many times I tried to explain that I really don't care if I ever end up in a relationship or not (if it happens, cool - if not, no problem), he just wouldn't drop it.

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StrangeStory
On 3/2/2018 at 11:29 PM, HappyMJ said:

I'm sick of the general idea that having sex, getting married, and having kids IS THE THING YOU DO WITH LIFE

Yes! Why do people think that?

 

It seems most people will stick to the beliefs and culture they are brought up with, assuming they're "correct", and never questioning them or even feeling the need to question them. I'm the extreme opposite: questioning everything, perhaps excessively.

 

You seem a bit distressed about these people thinking you should take the marriage & kids route, and there are a number of people who feel the same on this site. But couldn't you flaunt it? Couldn't you enjoy the moments when people ask you about "tying the knot" and use them as an opportunity to show how unique you are?

On 3/2/2018 at 11:29 PM, HappyMJ said:

"If you have them you'll feel different", I DON'T WANT THEM TO BEGIN WITH.

Yes, that's so annoying! You won't miss them if you don't have them. That would be like me saying to someone, "Convert to religion X. I know you really don't want to, but don't worry, you'll like it if you try it".

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