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I think I'm beginning to doubt myself again


Flump222

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So, I kind of fluctuate a lot in my feelings like this, and I just want to put my feelings on here. I've (sort of) ID'd as ace for a while now, and I while back I made a post about really doubting myself and feeling lesser. I was really down during that time. I started to get a bit more confident, and then even tried to narrow down my place on the spectrum a bit more (I thought I was in the gray area, but began to think that I'm heteroromantic asexual). Now, I sort of feel like I'm starting to doubt myself again, and I don't know why. I don't want to feel like that.

I guess I should provide a bit of context first. When I had my first (and only) crush, it was purely romantic, and I didn't have sexual thoughts or urges involving her. I feel that in a relationship, having sex and the like would just kind of ruin my view of them, and the thought of sex with my dream partner is not very appealing. I view sex and relationships as two very separate things. I do masturbate, and have an active libido (but I think most of the time I do it is because I'm bored). I think the thing that really interests and arouses me is the act, rather than the person (as I'll get into later). I never really think about wanting sex and intimacy with a specific person. On the subject of fantasies, I usually have some difficulty in making them. When I do have them, the do involve me (usually), however, the other person's features are never clear, and it never is a specific person. With some extra effort, I can imagine it being a specific person, but it never really adds anything, and is sort of unnatural for me. At most, I'm indifferent. I never think about another specific person sexually and think "yes, that's I thing that I really want." I am pretty sure I experience aesthetic attraction, as sometimes I want to just look at a person, but I don't want to see them naked or do anything sexual (at least I think so). Rarely, I may get physical reactions, but I think this is just hormones (I'm just 15) because there isn't any mental feeling there.

Also, on a different note, the reason I look for labels is because they make me comfortable. Uncertainty in any way just completely destroys me.

That should do it for a sort of explanation of how I feel. I'm sorry if this is long, but I just need to get this out there again. I don't want to doubt myself again. What do you think about my position on the spectrum (if I am on it at all). Again, sorry for this, but I want to finally be confident in myself and not doubt myself again.

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Purple Wanderer

sounds like you were right with heteroromantic asexual,               

 

Regarding your crush. What did you want?  just to be with? comfortable hugging? Kissing? wanting any level of further intimacy

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I think identifying as an asexual makes me doubt myself about it in a sort of way, because I don’t really have a way to tell whether I am truly not having this sexual attraction or whatever it is. How am I supposed to tell what it is when I have never experienced it in the first place?!

 

What worked for me was working my way to cope with that uncertainty. The terms we use are just labels after all. I wish someone had told me this when I began identifying as an asexual..

 

Just a food for thought :)

 

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On 2/28/2018 at 6:29 PM, MrJ said:

sounds like you were right with heteroromantic asexual,               

 

Regarding your crush. What did you want?  just to be with? comfortable hugging? Kissing? wanting any level of further intimacy

I just wanted to get to know her better, and just have her be someone that I can really depend on. Stuff like that.

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Janus the Fox

Your position is yours as how you feel about it not, feelings may fluctuate at times.

 

Maintain communications with a partner at all time that's freely available, a person my discover more about themselves through honest and open communication with the partner in mind.

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3 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Maintain communications with a partner at all time that's freely available, a person my discover more about themselves through honest and open communication with the partner in mind.

What do you mean by partner? I assume you mean romantic partner, and I don't have one (probably never will, heh, forever alone). What do you recommend in the case you don't have one (if that's what you meant).

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Janus the Fox
On 03/03/2018 at 3:57 AM, Flump222 said:

What do you mean by partner? I assume you mean romantic partner, and I don't have one (probably never will, heh, forever alone). What do you recommend in the case you don't have one (if that's what you meant).

A significant other by partner yes.  But yeah, if one has no partner, then there's no communication happening of course. 

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