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I don't know how to identify myself


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Hello dear aces and aros;

 

Lately I've been feeling very confused about many things to the point where I started to feel deeply depressed.

 

First of all; I don't know how identify myself anymore . I've been identifying myself as an asexual for a year now and I was so sure that I'm an asexual I was repulsed by everything related to sex and I was sure that I am an aromantic but now things changed a little or a lot.  the only thing that really repulses me now is having a sexual relationship with someone for real and I really hate the fact that nowadays the media is focusing a lot on the sexual aspect of things . I do get excited when I fantasize about it or when I watch romantic or bed scenes in movies and I even enjoy watching porn sometimes But What I'm sure about is that I wouldn't really like to have sex with anyone and I rarely very rarely feel any sexual attraction to the opposite gender .

 

Secondly; I am not sure if I'm an aromantic or not .. I don't really have the desire to date anyone and I didn't have a crush on anyone for more than 5 years ; I had 2 relationships in high school and it did feel like I was in love but that love quickly transformed to boredome and even to annoyance. Also I really enjoy reading romantic manga or watching romantic series but that is it. When I come back to real life I feel like I wouldn't really enjoy to be in the same situation as those movie /manga characters.  The thing is that when I think that I could date someone that i've been close to for a long time and with whom I really enjoy  spending time ; I don't feel like it will be so bad I even think that I would enjoy it (ofc without having a sexual relationship ). 

 

Also I hate the idea of marriage but I don't want to live alone my whole life. 

 

So what are your thoughts ? How can I identify myself once and for all ? Do asexuals feel like this sometime during their life ? Were you in the same situation ? If you did what did you do in order to get over all the confusion that the asexuality matter might've brought you  ?

 

 

Sorry if my message was too long and if I sound like someone who changes their mind very quickly also sorry for my english ; I'm not a native speaker . 

 

Thank you very much for reading 😊

 

Have a good day !

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It sounds like you could be asexual. Asexuals don't have to be repulsed by sex; we just don't feel any desire for it. About the aromantic part, I don't know. Maybe wait it out and see how your feelings develop.

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Hi Kamei

 

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm sorry that you are stuck in this emotional state at the moment. From reading your post, it sounds like you are still somewhere on the asexual spectrum. As TheAP stated, not all asexuals are sex-repulsed but many are. It's totally common for asexuals to fantasise, have kinks and fetishes too because asexuality is just about the sexual attraction we DO NOT feel towards other people. Asexuals can have libido and still remain with zero sexual attraction.

 

In regards to your aromantic concerns, it sounds like your romantic emotions fluctuate. I guess in asexual terms, this may fall into the same category of the 'grey-ace' area - possibly 'grey-aro'. Marriage is daunting, perhaps you are just looking for a companion? Kind of like having a platonic squish as opposed to having a romantic crush?

 

Best of luck!

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