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Heteromantic Aces


Ginger74747

Are Heteromantic Aces part of the LGBTQ+ rainbow?  

29 members have voted

  1. 1. Are het aces LGBTQ+?

    • Yes
      25
    • No
      4


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I want to vote yes and I want to vote no at the same time! I'm not really sure ....I don't even know if aromantic aces are either, if heteroromantic are not part of LGBTQ...

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Im pretty sure somewhere on here that someone said being Ace falls under it which mean the subcategories would too would it?

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Galactic Turtle

That's an ongoing debate amongst the interwebs. :P

 

Personally, I'm aro ace and don't consider myself LGBT+ because I don't experience same sex romantic or sexual attraction. I don't know enough about the history of this acronym to explain why gender is involved other than whoever dislikes homosexual people probably also dislikes transgender people.

 

I understand that asexuality can be brought up in conjunction with LGBT+ stuff but I usually consider it as a "by the way, this also exists" type of thing.

 

I'd imagine that if a het ace stood up and told their story in an LGBT meeting there would be lots of side eye going on kind of like if I stood up and told my story the response would probably be along the lines of "well then why are you here?" Of course my opinion may or may not reflect the opinion of the majority. I have no problem if people consider me LGBT+, it's just not a community I personally identify with. Support? Absolutely. Identify? Nah. I'm more like... LGBT adjacent. If I'm called upon to say my part next to them then sure, I'll do it. But if they don't think it has a place in whatever conversation they're having then that's ok too.

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Personally I vote no. If a hetero ace wants to consider themselves a part of that, by all means, but when I think LGBT+ I think of marginalized groups working together to have their voices heard, and as a het ace I've never felt marginalized in any meaningful way. That's just me though.

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I would say so. People seem to always say no like it's some sort of competition or like you have faced these specific problems to count. Being ace still brings a lot of the same or similar problems. You could say a lot of the groups that are included under LGBT+ don't count for the exact same reasons. And if heteroromantic aces don't count, that's basically saying that asexuals don't count at all because you have to be part of another group too. 

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I still haven't figured out how to vote.

 

What about hetero-demisexuals? Is there a 'cut off'?

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I personally think yes. I think of "queer" as going against the norm, which asexuality is doing to some degree. I often hear that the reason why we shouldn't be part of the LGBT+ community is because we "are heteros that just don't have sex. This erases our asexual identity, as our orientation is not just celibacy or abstinence. That's just one way we face discrimination. & although it's often not to the degree of most LGBT+ members because we seem heterosexual on the surface. But the second we come out, many people do everything in their power to try to deny us of our identity.

 

However, I don't want other LGBT+ members to feel uncomfortable with people they deem unworthy to join their community, so... Idk... But then again, I think that community would be more accepting with more information about asexuality.

 

Sorry for being somewhat scattered, I'm exhausted right now, but this is a topic that's interesting to me and I wanted to comment to better remember the thread. I might try to edit later, might not, idk.

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I think it would depend on the individual. I don't personally consider myself part of it. It has always seemed to be on the outside of everything to me. Not straight but not part of LGBT+

 

I would be interested to know how non Hetero romantic asexuals have experienced the LGBT community. 

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4 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Personally, I'm aro ace and don't consider myself LGBT+ because I don't experience same sex romantic or sexual attraction. I don't know enough about the history of this acronym to explain why gender is involved other than whoever dislikes homosexual people probably also dislikes transgender people.

A few reasons I often point to about this are 1) trans people played a very important role in the history of the fight for LGBT rights (black transwomen played a big role in the Stonewall riots, among other major events), 2) people often conflated trans and gay identity, and 3) discrimination against LGBT+ people in many respects all stem from the breaking/subversion of gender roles. People see same-sex relations as breaking the gendered expectations that developed in the context of straight relationships. Trans people pretty much completely upset the notion of gender roles by in many respects, outright denying the roles imposed on them based on their assigned sex by simply not identifying with that sex.

 

Ace people in many respects defy gender roles associated with straight relationships by proxy of not experiencing sexual attraction and in many cases, opting out of sex or lacking the enthusiasm for sex that's expected within most cultures. Even heteroromantic aces are subverting gender roles by not taking the same interest in sex that's expected in straight relationships.

 

As with all of this, I'd rather leave this up to the individual to choose whether or not to identify with the LGBT+ label. So long as someone isn't the precise combination of cisgender, heteroromantic, and heterosexual, then there's potential for someone to fit into the LGBT+ label. I'm trans and aro/ace, yet struggle to really identify with the larger LGBT+ community. I think so much of that identity is built around activism that it makes just existing as someone who technically fits that label not feel like enough. I am getting more involved in trans activism though, so we'll see where I stand on this topic over time.

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Considering LGBTQ+ is an all-encompassing sexual minority sort of thing and asexuality is a sexual minority, yeah, it technically ought to be part of it at least from a general sense (and let's face it, asexuality is pretty queer).

 

The heteroromantic thing is irrelevant; nobody outside of the internet recognizes romantic orientation anyway.

 

That all being said, I cannot really relate to LGBT stuff because although sex/gender stuff is a big thing to them, it just isn't to me, and I therefore think I'd feel rather out of place in most LGBT group settings.  Many asexuals can probably relate to this.

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Yes - there is definitely a place for het aces in the LGBTQ+ community because they are still a sexual minority, but I also think het aces are still definitely perceived by mainstream society as 'straight' as opposed to 'queer' and therefore they may feel pretty alienated in our spaces, even where asexual people are supposedly welcomed. 

 

I mean.., it's an extension of the problem of "passing" isn't it? - A bisexual person in a straight relationship is no less bisexual than one who is in a same-sex relationship or single - even if they may be perceived as straight. Sadly, many bisexual people who are in opposite sex relationships may not feel entirely welcomed either, even though there should be no question that bisexual people should have a place in the community. 

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Ms. Carolynne

Yes, and no; I will note I've seen LGBT+ written out as LGBTQIAK, and the A refers to asexuals (iirc it can also include aromantic and agendered people). Asexuals are also technically queer, which may or may not be apparent.

 

Asexuals don't always blend in as straight; I have not and have been assumed a closeted homosexual, but then again I'm not alloromantic.

 

I agree with some of those who said no though; I like Galactic Turtle's phrase "LGBT adjacent". We do share some similarities, but I also feel we have problems we don't share with the LGBT community, and that they have problems they don't share with us. 

 

I would say LGBT+ works for a broad umbrella term denoting anyone of a sexual minority that goes against the heteronormative, however.

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