What exactly does a sexual fantasy feel like?

[Flump222]

So, when I say this, I'm talking about a "standard" sexual fantasy, not an autochorissexual fantasy or something similar. I'm asking just so I can get a better understanding of what they actually are. Sexual fantasies weren't really a thing for me until I started masturbating, and even then the thought of trying to fantasize didn't occur to me until later. Conjuring up an image in my head does take quite a bit of concentration, and even when I do, it's never a specific person, and their features are never clearly defined. Even if I AM somehow able to think of a specific person, nothing really happens, and at most I feel indifferent to the idea. That's usually why I use some sort of erotica (usually in the form of images) when I masturbate. Even when I'm looking at it, i don't really think the person matters. I usually concentrate on whatever act they're doing, and not their features or whatever. How does this compare to a normal sexual fantasy?

(Also if any more info is needed or something needs to be clarified, I will do that).

[Yeast]

Well, a fantasy seems to be something you imagine doing but aren't actually engaged in. Your situation seems similar to mine in the sense we both satisfy our libidos with pornography. Most of the time I exist only as a witness and enjoy the sight but never really imagine myself participating. However sometimes I find the people attractive enough to began to place myself in the scene, at least partially. This was much more common when I was younger. Now I suppose I'm just an old voyeur spying through keyholes.

[Vincisomething]

It really depends for me. I have, "what sex would feel like with a hypothetical partner and we have that emotional connection and the experience is raw, passionate, vulnerable, but loving." And then there's the pornography one where I imagine the person in the video. Either way, it's never a specific person that I know. The "partner" I imagine is often a character and the people in the video, I kind of remove from reality if that makes sense.

[Flump222]

2 minutes ago, Vincisomething said:

It really depends for me. I have, "what sex would feel like with a hypothetical partner and we have that emotional connection and the experience is raw, passionate, vulnerable, but loving." And then there's the pornography one where I imagine the person in the video. Either way, it's never a specific person that I know. The "partner" I imagine is often a character and the people in the video, I kind of remove from reality if that makes sense.

Hmm, I can kind of relate to removing people from reality, but I have do not understand feeling an emotional emotional connection in a fantasy whatsoever.

[Vincisomething]

1 minute ago, Flump222 said:

Hmm, I can kind of relate to removing people from reality, but I have do not understand feeling an emotional emotional connection in a fantasy whatsoever.

It's not really an emotional connection, it's just what I perceive it to be like. It's just what I imagine a relationship to be like once I get past the romantic attraction

[Flump222]

2 minutes ago, Vincisomething said:

It's not really an emotional connection, it's just what I perceive it to be like. It's just what I imagine a relationship to be like once I get past the romantic attraction

Ah, okay, I think I get it. Though, I still don't really feel that. 

[Vincisomething]

3 minutes ago, Flump222 said:

Ah, okay, I think I get it. Though, I still don't really feel that. 

It might be because I'm demi as opposed to completely ace?

[Flump222]

17 minutes ago, Vincisomething said:

It might be because I'm demi as opposed to completely ace?

That's what I was thinking. I used to think I was in the gray area, but this combined with a lot of other things are telling me that I probably am heteroromatic asexual, as opposed to being in the gray area.

[soda59]

I've talked elsewhere about how I've roleplayed (and I actually really have fun with it)....For me it has to strictly never involve me so I am much like a peeping tom like @Yeast. I don't really like pornography that much at all , unless it is in manga format, and usually only if the genitals are really blurred.  I have only recently been more okay with animated video...I think real people just have no appeal to me whatsoever, but I also just don't think I find them even aesthetically pleasing usually the types they get to do those videos.

 

I don't think it's that rare though even for sexuals to not like porn, especially for females. I know it's a bit of a stereotype, but it's true that women in GENERAL tend to prefer their erotica in the format of literature. Maybe this will change in the future and it is cultural, who knows.  I tend to be drawn wayyy more to scenarios and the banter back and forth than the sex act itself.

 

Regardless, my fantasies are mostly relegated to text form , and rarely I will turn to visual drawings. I also found that again I cannot be a part of the fantasy ; it used to always be between the members of the same sex (male and male mostly but sometimes female and female) , but I eventually got okay with hetero. I think I eased into this with intersex. I think it's because male and female just makes me uncomfortable because it relates too much to penetrative sex and too much to my own body, so I can't do it.

 

These fantasies though have made me question the asexual label. I have wondered if I could somehow relate sex more to my own body if I could 'get over it'. I know there are people who are trans who experience dysphoria in a way  to where they do not want sex at all. Sometimes this changes after they transition. But I don't really have gender dysphoria, just sexual discomfort (so maybe sexual dysphoria...I am fine with my gender, but if sex gets directed at my gendered characteristics I get really really really uneasy   ) .

 

I don't know if that's helpful but that's kind of how I see it. I've also had plenty of sexual dreams though. My first was at 14. When I'm really really stressed out I have dreams that  (*trigger warning ***)

Spoiler

involve rape even though I've never experienced that. It's really really awful. They've eased off but for a time I was having them for months.