Flump222 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I was just thinking about this, and thought that I'd put my feelings here. So, I'm ace and don't want to engage in sexual activity with another person. However, when I think about being a "virgin" forever, it gives me these kind of mixed feelings. I feel that I'm missing out on some sort of opportunity, and that I might be less than people in that way. Even though I've never wanted sex with a particular person, and that I'd be perfectly happy being in a good, sexless relationship, the thought of that is still sort of negative for me. Does anyone else feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
knittinghistorian Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 There's a major stigma attached to being a virgin, especially as you get older, no doubt about it. It find it annoying, and sometimes I feel embarrassed if I have to tell someone (like a doctor). But personally, I feel like it's mainly an embarrassment imposed from outside by culture, not because I actually do want sex. That might not be true of everyone, though. Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I admit, I am a tad sex curious but honestly, its not something I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Raire Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I have had some trepidation in my life over retaining my virginity (at the age of 36 currently), but I don't find myself at all bothered any more. Probably incorrect to say that I've grown out of the idea of sex, but may be at least a little accurate. In any case, according to some 'Virginity Memes' I've got just less than four years until I evolve from being a Wizard and become a Wraith! Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I think most people feel pleasure in being desired whether that be romantically or sexually. That's why when someone lacks those interactions or experiences, the automatic reaction is usually pity. The older you get without these things, the more that pity increases. Because they're seen as universal desires, people might start to wonder what's wrong with you. I think all of this plays into the pressure to do things such as date or have sex. I think the solution is to highlight the value of other sorts of relationships whether it be friendships or just a person on their own experiencing new and exciting things! Personally I find the idea of never having sex to be very freeing since when I was younger I thought it was a mandatory thing that would be forced upon me at some point. I think about all the other things people said I'd desire as I got older (coffee, alcohol, a partner, piercings, feminine clothes/accessories, etc.) that so far I still do not desire at all. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 And I'm happy that I've never had sex also because it puts me in a really small minority. There's nothing bad about not wanting to be a part of the majority and nothing bad about enjoying being a part of a minority. I just always wanted to be one of a kind. Not because there's something bad about "all other people", but because everyone is unique and so not striving to be similar to the imaginary "everyone else" makes the world more beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 It doesn’t bother me at all. My virginity doesn’t really matter much to me one way or another, so it’s whatever whether I’m a virgin or not. In my eyes, if I don’t desire something, I don’t give a **** if I don’t have it. People who look down on me for still being one after 23 years usually aren’t worth being around anyway so no sweat off my back. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I don't really see what the big deal is. I don't see being a virgin in itself as negative, though I do view virgins who are obsessed with getting laid negatively just like I view anyone who is obsessed with sex negatively. There's a lot more to someone than that, and you're better off choosing to like yourself as a whole. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 2 hours ago, Raire said: In any case, according to some 'Virginity Memes' I've got just less than four years until I evolve from being a Wizard and become a Wraith! Had to google them... if I'd have known I could've been a wizard I wouldn't have bothered with this sex thing Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLillie Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Nope, I'm a proud male virgin and I want to be a virgin for the rest of my life. I think it's very immature to put down people for being a virgin and they should accept that some people don't want "it" in their lives or if they aren't ready to do "it" yet with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
soda59 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I've definitely had this feeling , and I engaged in a sexual experience partially because I kept asking myself 'how do you knowww? 'maybe something will happen! 'and got curious enough.... It wasn't the big V card , but some people consider hands as being no longer a virgin. I'm fine either way....I don't really regret it, because I feel like I know more concretely about what I want and don't want, but I just kind of regret the person it was with. It ended up ruining our friendship-though we didn't know each other that long still- and they became a huge jerk about it ..(someone says they are okay if you don't end up liking it, and then it turns out they aren't ). I don't really think I would have missed out if that didn't happen though, because it was just sort of *shrugs*. It's like if you aren't that into it, it's not going to be that special and you still aren't going to get it, so you are still going to 'miss out' . I don't really feel more mature for having had the experience either (though I do feel like I know more about human relationships just from how he ended up reacting later) ; I do feel more resolute though. I have considered losing the whole card, just to do it , but I now know that I definitely would want it to be with a much closer friend that I could be on speaking terms with. I would just feel better about it. The fear would be that they would want more and I would be in the same situation as previously, so at this point don't think it's gonna happen. But it would be nice if it could be a cool memory for both of us. I guess I still feel kind of compelled to experience it , maybe because we only have one life to live, but it's up to us in the end . It doesn't' really matter if we do or don't. I would like to hear more experiences from people who have lost their virginity as an asexual and if they think it really 'did' anything. Link to post Share on other sites
SilentRose Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I definitely get how you feel, I felt the same way. Never wanted to have sex, but being a virgin forever was terrifying. I felt like all the girls I wanted to be like had boyfriends and I wanted to prove to myself I could do it, because in my mind sex was a "requirement" of having a boyfriend. I thought I needed to start young so I could gain "skills" and be good at it so boys would like me. I wanted to be normal. What I learned though, is that if it isn't there it isn't there. Months later I still was no good at sex. I got better at and developed a slight fondness for some aspects like kissing, but for sex...if the enthusiasm isn't there, the other person can tell, unless you're an incredible actor. At first maybe, but after a while it becomes obvious you're not into it. After I ended that relationship on terrible terms I realized how pointless my extreme anxiety to "get it over with" was. I didn't feel any more mature, I didn't feel more normal. The one thing I was glad for was that I tried it and now know I don't like it. My advice is that if you're trying it for the experience, out of curiosity...go for it, if you can do it safely with someone you trust. If it's just out of a fear of being a virgin, or being weird...don't. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, I wish I knew that then. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 No matter what you do there will be experiences in life that you "miss out" on because the human lifespan is just not long enough to experience everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 . Link to post Share on other sites
Zsareph Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 19 hours ago, Raire said: In any case, according to some 'Virginity Memes' I've got just less than four years until I evolve from being a Wizard and become a Wraith! I'm making a note to google those later, sounds like it definitely makes up for being a candidate for virgin sacrifice. I don't like referring to myself as a virgin, mainly because of the social connotations. My biggest peeve with it is there seems to be this implied "yet" to it. I'm not a person who hasn't had sex "yet", I don't plan on having it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Feeling like I'm "missing out on something" would only make sense if I were interested in that thing in the first place. I feel like I'd miss out on something if I never go parachuting, but I certainly won't "miss out" on a holiday on some beach in Spain. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Its more so negative if you are AMAB unfortunately as an AFAB it can be very troublesome because in the event that you do date you may have guys that are just after your virginity. Link to post Share on other sites
babygyrl09 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Going back to the historical meaning of the word, virgin meant "unmarried woman, not belonging to one man", not sexually inexperienced. Link to post Share on other sites
StreetlightDawn Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 14 hours ago, spazzticsoda said: I would like to hear more experiences from people who have lost their virginity as an asexual and if they think it really 'did' anything. All it "did" was reaffirm that I don't want sexual relationships. I could have stayed a virgin forever, but I got caught up in the anxiety and shame of being an older virgin. But giving away my v card was definitely not a memorable, special experience and I don't know why society makes it out to be such a huge rite of passage. A small part of me wishes I had stayed true to myself: I didn't want it, but I did it anyway. Another part of me shrugs it off: I learned something about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
TheNerdyOne Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Honestly, I don't feel any shame about it. Like others have said, the negative connotations of virginity come from society, and I don't really care that much what society thinks of me in that regard. I know what I want. And I'm never going to try. I'm not curious about sex at all (aside from knowing terms & rituals so I get sexual jokes and don't look like an innocent noob), and I know if I tried it because of lingering questions like "But how do you know if you haven't tried?", I'd regret it. I'd hate myself. All I want to be in this life is authentic in my own way. And if that includes never having sex, I'm totally down with it, no matter what people think. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 . Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 In many respects, the concept of virginity doesn't even come up in my mind until someone brings it up. Nobody's ever asked me if I was a virgin or not, and I guess I've done a good job at avoiding conversations of sexuality. I'm not looking forward to potentially dealing with the virgin stigma though. I have no idea how I'd even respond to a sexual situation truth be told, because I don't know what kind of dysphoria I would or would not experience. Link to post Share on other sites
babygyrl09 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 3 hours ago, Jade Cross said: Tell the church that and watch sparks fly and maybe some maces XD Well, I'm taking about the ancient Greeks. Diana/Artemis the virgin goddess of the hunt was a virgin since she eschewed men and refused to settle down. But that doesn't mean she was celibate, just that she was an independent woman who was not tied down to a man. Link to post Share on other sites
squaggly Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 "you ain't no real adult til you pop dat cherry" honestly why do people care? I don't get it Link to post Share on other sites
WWIFlyingAce Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I've always been slightly pleased with my ability to maintain my virginity for 25 years, it feels like I've "accomplished" something, in an odd sort of way. At the same time, I recognise that my refusal to have sex has as much to do with fear as it does with being uninterested. I'm afraid of sex because of my PTSD, and the experiences that caused it when I was very small. I want to get over the fear, but even once I do that, I understand that the lack of interest will still be there, because I'm not asexual as a result of my experiences, just like I'm not asexual because of my autism. I'm asexual, AND I have autism, AND I have a traumatic past. The three things aren't related to one another, but they can appear to overlap to the untrained eye. Link to post Share on other sites
Adventurefreak Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 You know, since the majority wants sex so much, those peeps think that everyone thinks that way & must have sex on their bucket list if not, they're lying or have a prob, which is a very stupid and close minded statement. And society has a tendency to always condemn what differs from the current trend, thinking they know soo much what's best for everyone... But u know, u also have every right to do & feel what u want as its ur life... So if u never ever want to just even try sex its your choice. Your goal is to please urself and nt to please society So go on, please yourself only Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 On 2/27/2018 at 11:26 AM, Raire said: I have had some trepidation in my life over retaining my virginity (at the age of 36 currently), but I don't find myself at all bothered any more. Probably incorrect to say that I've grown out of the idea of sex, but may be at least a little accurate. In any case, according to some 'Virginity Memes' I've got just less than four years until I evolve from being a Wizard and become a Wraith! I googled virginity memes, didn't see what you were referencing. Please share, I'm curious I did see one where the caption made me kind of chuckle out of context "I didn't choose virginity, virginity chose me". I also saw a couple conflating losing virginity with success (of course) ; apparently losing it will land you your dream job, and grant all of your wishes are vaginas magical? Link to post Share on other sites
Raire Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 6 hours ago, G1P0 said: I googled virginity memes, didn't see what you were referencing. Please share, I'm curious I won't post it here (not too offensive, but kind of sketchy and off-topic). However the search term is 'Official Virgin Age Meter' - it's the standard chan / meme thing. And as it turns out, I won't become a Wraith until I'm 50 (I could have sworn it used to be 40). Oh well... I'm a Wizard, Harry (for another 14-ish years). Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 On 2/28/2018 at 5:17 PM, Nylocke said: Its more so negative if you are AMAB unfortunately as an AFAB it can be very troublesome because in the event that you do date you may have guys that are just after your virginity. Being AHAB is worse, instead of worrying about sex you chase down white whales. Link to post Share on other sites
squaggly Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 what is AMAB and AFAB? Link to post Share on other sites
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