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Afraid of dating ? and not sure where I fit


officialdarklord

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officialdarklord

Long story short, I had been broken up with my ex for several months now and a lot of that is because I felt she couldn't respect me when I said I was uncomfortable with something. And now I am kind of scared about the prospect of dating because I am afraid of being pressured into something or someone just not respecting my boundaries. I know not everyone is like this - a nonsexual example: when I told my ex that I didn't ever want to consume a certain food item because it grosses me out she kept insisting I try it anyway and kept talking about how she was going to hide it in my food one day (way to make me incredibly anxious). When I told my friends that I roomed with that I didn't like a certain food item, whenever they wanted the certain food item they always left what I was going to eat without it. 

 

It just seems so scary dating because I have trouble trusting people to not do this to me. I don't even know how to go about making people understand because I know this goes beyond just not being super interested. I know I listed myself as gray-sexual but I don't know if I really count because a lot of the problem is I have just overall anxiety about cleanliness and always have. Most people just don't get how anxious I can get about things. I am not sure if this is a problem anyone here can relate to but I can't really find anyone else who has this problem. 

 

I don't how one explains to future people that I like the idea of romantic stuff, some things I only want in moderation and that I am not trying to be insulting if I like to keep things safe, and some things I just don't want at all (giving it or receiving it) even if you are into it. It makes me feel incredibly hurt and uncomfortable when people don't respect my choices - I know I am not 'typical' but I can't help it. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth dating. 

 

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it seems like a very complicated situation there. it is quite true people are different, some people will treat you with respect, and some won't. some will have good intentions and some won't. it's just how life is, upsetting, but there are some quite fascinating people out there. different types of people have different intentions, i'm not quite positive who your ex was nor their perspective, but if their intention was never meant to actually do so, explaining that you very much dislike this food, and your ex continuing to push on is quite not very respecting, but again i'm not quite positive if their intention was a joke or not. it's all in the past now of course, we can never make a solid conclusion based on only a bit facts, but that's completely alright. you are you, and you're the one who experienced and handled the situation in your own way, and that is completely okay. 

 

developing trust is quite a tricky thing, because you don't know who is who and how long it'll last. trust is meant to grow and meant to be broken, it happens it's just how life works out. getting anxious and getting worried can be caused from previous experiences, or negative patterns that you've noticed and don't want happening again. it could be for multiple different reasons though, and all those reasons or not are valid. if you feel though that your anxiety is getting in the way of what you're thinking or what actions you're doing, i'd say see a trusted doctor. if not, that's okay, sometimes we're not ready for that. there's facts and emotions throughout life we all can feel and understand, it'd say if you'd like to do so, try to balance them out. for every emotion you feel, bring up a fact you already are positive is true to counterattack that emotion. sometimes, your emotions are the correct way to go, and your emotions can overcome the facts, but sometimes the facts are the right way to do so, and sometimes it's both. it's a very confusing, yet interesting variety, if you'd like to do so, you can always try it, but you don't have to, nor need to do so. you're your own person, with your own decisions, choices, and actions. we cannot change the way others feel or think, it's up to them to do so from influence or from other things, sometimes it's negative and sometimes it's positive. the truth of the situation, if others cannot respect you nor your choices that you're uncomfortable with, try to hash it out to come to a conclusion good for you both or all. if it doesn't work out, remove yourself from the situation. another major thing in trust, could be respect. respecting others for their own decisions, choices and actions. realizing that they're their own person, and they're allowed to have their own opinion, and sometimes cannot even control how they feel or think. bashing is a completely other thing though, if someone is bashing on you for your preferences, that is not the way to go. do what you want to do, we all get angry and say things we don't mean, but continuing on to inflict pain and continuing on to bash others for their preferences, is quite not a good thing at all. you are a human being, you deserve to be respected, treated and loved in your own comfortable ways. 

 

 

the decision is up to you. if you'd like to date, you definitely can, if not, you do not have to do so. if you're interested in dating, i'd say before stepping to the dating part, develop trust and interest in another way, such as friendships, different type of unique bonds, so, if the trust is already there it's a higher chance you know who they really are. you do not have to if you do not want to, again, this is your own choice, decision and action. you're allowed to make whatever things you want or not. you're allowed to do whatever makes you comfortable, content and happy. you deserve to be happy in your own unique and interesting ways. whether it stems from the smallest or biggest moments, you deserve that happiness in life. you deserve to be treated like an actual human being, and you deserve to have your own thoughts, perspective and mindset of this world and society. 

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officialdarklord

Thanks for the detailed reply. In that particular case I knew she was being serious, maybe not about hiding it in my food, but in any case it was more of an example of her attitude. It's worse when it shows up in a sexual way...It's annoying my only options are to happen to be wanting the same thing in a relationship (which isn't likely) or be trusting my partner won't pressure me just like I would never pressure them.

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