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Asexual or just haven't met the right person?


MagnusBane21

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Hi, this feels wierd. I've been wondering now for a couple years if I may be ace. I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. Sure, they're aesthetically pleasing and I'd love to draw them but I don't look at someone and go, oh man i'd love to have sex w he/she. Sex feels like a chore that I have to sit through in order to go watch tv, or I convince myself I want to because I'm secretly hoping that if I meet the right person it'll all magically *click* and I'll understand all the movies and books and the intimate scenes that every one seems to enjoy. It seems nice in my head, but whenever i follow through i just think, wow. This is so awkward, i could be watching netflix. What makes this more confusing is I have a naturally high labido, so my body wants something that my mind seems to have no interest in. Which only fuels my theory that maybe if I just try hard enough it'll work. I try to look at forums but everyone has a different opinion on what sexuality truly means. Some say it only has to do with your attraction, to look at someone and want them, and others would say my libido is a sign that it's not real. The portrayals of asexuals makes it worse, as they're made out to seem robotic and grossed out by any forms of intimacy. I want to hold someones hand, and cuddle, and share small pecks on the lips and build a life with someone, I just don't think I want to French them or have sex with them. It just makes me feel wierd and uncomfortable. Am I asexual? 

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Lucas Monteiro

From what you described. for me you seem to be asexual. Opinions may vary on the matter what truly sexuality means, but having a libido doesn't mean you can't be asexual and while here on AVEN you will see that there are many aces who have high or low libido and still are 100% asexual. Besides, many asexuals in relationships with sexuals tend to want intimacy, they just want and show in different forms, just like you. Other asexuals, still will have sex just to pleasure their partner if they feel they are okay with doing it. And it's not everybody who thinks this way about asexuals, each day more people are discovering about asexuality. 

 

I would advice for you to not care how some people perceive or portray asexuals, there will always be people who won't like you or the way you think just because you are different from them, and there will always be someone who will feel you are different and will dislike you. Just be who you are, that's the most important thing to do, to be true to ourselves.

 

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Sexual_attraction

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Objections_to_asexuality

 

 

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Ultimately that's for you to decide but yes, that does sound pretty ace to me. Asexuality is about the attraction not the act itself. You can have a high libido and be ace, you can have no libido and be ace. You can enjoy sex or hate it, masturbate or not, it doesn't matter. If you don't feel sexual attraction, or only feel it is certain circumstances, then you can identify as on the ace spectrum

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My usual "broken record" comment - labels don't matter. 

 

What matters is what makes you happy, whatever you call it. 

 

A question for yourself is whether sex is enjoyable to you in fantasy.  Is it that you desire sex but the experience has not lived up to fantasy, or do you just need the physical release, but don't desire it. 

 

Again, it doesn't really matter as long as you lean what you do and don't want to do. 

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