Dia Nicole

I'm Demisexual, not weird

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Dia Nicole

Hi I'm new on here and as I've been looking through the forums I have got to read many stories. I decided to maybe it would help me to share mine. So here it is.
 

As a teen I always thought I was weird and that something was wrong with me. At first it was because I realized that I thought girls and guys were both really pretty and wanted to kiss them. But I got over that pretty quickly and started identifying as bisexual when with my friends. But after a while I realized something else that I thought was wrong with me, I never thought about having sex. I had a lot of friends who would talk about how this person was 'hot' or that person was 'sexy' and how they wanted 'in their pants'. I just never could see people like that though. I could see how beautiful they were but I never looked at someone and thought they were hot or about having sex with them . 

 

I really started noticing it in my first relationship. I had a girlfriend that was absolutely beautiful but not once in the 7 months we dated did I ever think of going farther than kissing and cuddling with her. Even when I dreamed about her that was all we did. And my friends would always asked me about how hot she was and if we had sex and in my mind i would always think "she's really pretty but I don't want to have sex, is that wrong?" The same happened with my first boyfriend who I dated for 9 months. At this point I started to think there must be something seriously wrong because most of my friends had had sex or at least talked about wanting to have sex and I just had no interest in it. 

 

Then I meant my friend T.T. That was the first time I had ever heard that there could be a difference between your sexual and romantic orientation. And automatically I knew I was biromantic but I wasn't really sure what my sexual orientation was anymore. For a while I thought I was asexual. Especially because when I met T.T. I had been in my third relationship for almost 2 years and still hadn't had any sexual attraction. But, a couple months later I had my first sexualized feelings ever towards my boyfriend of just over 2 yrs. This freaked me out a lot because I had just come to terms with the fact that I was asexual and suddenly I was having sexualized feelings. So I did what I do with anything that confuses me, I researched. And as soon as I read the definition of demisexual for the first time, everything finally fell in place. I didn't feel sexual attraction till I had a very strong connection with someone and that connection could take a very long time to form. Finding the word demisexual and coming to terms with my sexuality and my romanticism has been so freeing for me.

 

But I still don't know how to tell my friends or family about it. I didn't even tell my dad I liked girls or had a girlfriend until this past summer and can't imagine telling my mother. I'm scared how they are going to react, if they will think I'm as weird or messed up as I used to think I was.

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lemon_lime

Maybe I am oversimplifying it, but wouldn’t most parents be happy to hear that their daughter is not having a lot of sex?  Whatever the reason. 

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Dia Nicole

My dad maybe, but he has some problems with anything that isn't heteronormative and tends to make jokes when he isn't comfortable that are really horrible. My mom wouldn't be though. She tries to find anything she can to say something is wrong with me. She is always telling me how I am weird or retarded. I can't even remember how many times she has said I need mental help so that she can finally know what's wrong with me. And, even though I have come to terms with myself, I know that even when I know what my mother says is wrong I still let it change how I see myself and make me doubt things. 

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lemon_lime

Wow, I am so sorry. Parents are supposed to be supportive. 

 

Is it just your asexuality that makes your mom think there is something wrong with you? Maybe if you did put a name to it it would help her. But honestly, she doesn’t sound very nice so maybe not. 

 

I am sorry I don’t really have an advice. I’ve never been in this sort of situation myself. 

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Dia Nicole

I wish that it was just my asexuality. It would make things so much easier. And, that's okay that you don't have any advice for me. It was just nice to have a place where I could put all the things I could never really tell anyone when it came to my sexuality. I have only ever talked about it very briefly in my LGBTQIA+ class because it's suppose to be a safe space and we very seriously use the "Las Vegas" rule. 

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lemon_lime

I hope things work out ok for you. 

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Vincisomething
7 hours ago, Dia Nicole said:

My dad maybe, but he has some problems with anything that isn't heteronormative and tends to make jokes when he isn't comfortable that are really horrible. My mom wouldn't be though. She tries to find anything she can to say something is wrong with me. She is always telling me how I am weird or retarded. I can't even remember how many times she has said I need mental help so that she can finally know what's wrong with me. And, even though I have come to terms with myself, I know that even when I know what my mother says is wrong I still let it change how I see myself and make me doubt things. 

I was in the opposite boat, but not in a good way. I came out to a ""friend"", and she pretty much told me, "everyone is like that"  and proceeded to pretty much invalidate my sexuality. And SHE'S completely allosexual, so what does she know. So, basically saying the lack of sexual attraction is "straight." I don't know how people can be dumb enough to even think that. 

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Dia Nicole
On 2/27/2018 at 9:31 PM, Vincisomething said:

I was in the opposite boat, but not in a good way. I came out to a ""friend"", and she pretty much told me, "everyone is like that"  and proceeded to pretty much invalidate my sexuality. And SHE'S completely allosexual, so what does she know. So, basically saying the lack of sexual attraction is "straight." I don't know how people can be dumb enough to even think that. 

People can be so stupid sometimes. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't real or valid. I am just so thankful that a couple weeks after I posted this I slowly came out to some of my friends and so far it went well. But I have grown up in religious circles my whole life and some of my friends from that part of my life were a bit uncomfortable when I came out as bi. So, I don't know how they would take this. Will they find it weird? Will they invalidate me? Will they not care? But at the same, maybe telling them will just show who my real friends are.

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