Sero Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Hi! So I'm currently in a relationship with a friend, and I have recently come to terms with the fact that I'm aromantic. At the beginning of the relationship everything was amazing and we were both happy, but now being with him romantically is making me really uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating anymore but I also don't want a sexual relationship with him either. I can feel myself getting more uncomfortable and a little depressed, but I can't talk to anyone I know about it because they're all not really the most accepting people in the world (my family included). I don't want to break it off because then I'll be making him upset and I'll lose a friend, but I also want to be happy myself. I'm very lost and some advice would be greatly appreciated. What should I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 If you don't want to be with him romantically anymore, then tell him. You might lose him, but it's better than being miserable and sticking with it for fear of loss and then you both waste a lot of time and emotional energy (and he will be even more hurt the longer it goes on) if it's not what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
soda59 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I want to find a perma-friend to live with and I ask myself if I could be romantic with them in order to keep them around if they fell in love with me...I"m not really sure... So I'm interested in how your situation is going to turn out. I don't know if you can negotiate with romance like aces do with sex. I would just look at the long term and decide if you would want to be in the same situation in a year . If no, then end it now, and just be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
MissMidnight Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I'd probably suggest sitting down and talking to him about how you are feeling, explain everything to him as best as you can so he can see or understand your side of things a little bit. You might lose him as a friend or he may understand and just need some time and is still your friend afterwards. I dont know what will happen but that is what I would do. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger74747 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I was once in a relationship with someone who I had known three years prior to this relationship. He broke up with me, because he could tell that I wasn’t as into the relationship as he was. We’re still friends two years later. It may take some time for friendships to reform, but trust me, if you’re not happy, you shouldn’t stay. Link to post Share on other sites
jstuli Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I agree with MissMidnight to a certain extent; I think you should make sure you both know what each other wants and if you can't meet each other's needs, you shouldn't be together. Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 7 hours ago, Sero said: Hi! So I'm currently in a relationship with a friend, and I have recently come to terms with the fact that I'm aromantic. At the beginning of the relationship everything was amazing and we were both happy, but now being with him romantically is making me really uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating anymore but I also don't want a sexual relationship with him either. I can feel myself getting more uncomfortable and a little depressed, but I can't talk to anyone I know about it because they're all not really the most accepting people in the world (my family included). I don't want to break it off because then I'll be making him upset and I'll lose a friend, but I also want to be happy myself. I'm very lost and some advice would be greatly appreciated. What should I do??? I am asocial and tend to have such issues. I enjoy romance and sex, but my primary thing is space. It is a bit of a diplomatic trick, but sometimes asking for what works can get what doesn't work off your back without hurting anyone. For example, you don't want dates or sex. What DO you want? You could describe that. Maybe you want to interact in a specific way or do something together rather than meeting for the sake of it. Or you like a certain kind of date but not another. Or you just want him to leave you alone for a while. If you can express it as your need - "I need space" - it works better than "I don't want to date you". You can explain with whatever your reason is "I'm feeling stressed and crowded out. There's a lot of pressure going on, and I really need to focus on this project for the next week or so - is it possible for us to skip our dinners this week and buy me some time? - helps your partner feel like they are contributing to what you need even if giving up time with you rather than being excluded. You don't want to break off for some reason, right? So whatever that reason is, that is big enough to make your larger picture still including him could be expressed as something you want more of - as opposed to the dating? Also putting a definite time limit to it helps. "Let's skip the next two dates, work is trying to own my soul and i'm getting stressed" works better than "Let's stop dating" and gives you the space to also see if stopping dating fixes your issue or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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