Was this sexual attraction?

[Guest]

This is something I've been thinking about lately so I figured I could ask here. I had cybersex with a friend a couple of months ago and I found the conversation hot and got turned on but I didn't find her hot. Like it was just the conversation that made everything great, not the person. Although I did fantasize a little I'd never want to do that in real life with her. That wasn't sexual attraction, right? 

[Puck]

Wellllll, here's the thing. People here aren't aces (pun intended) at telling others was sexual attraction is as many here have never felt it, so how could we know?

 

That being said, sexual attraction isn't just about finding someone "hot." It that something about that specific person makes you want to do sexual things (including cybersex) with them. So you could find your friends personality attractive, her wit, the way she carries herself, her smell... So many things.

 

That being said, you might have honestly not felt sexual attraction. I think the question I would ask you is, do you want to do with with her again or with anyone else? If you do wish to have partnered sexual interactions (and, no, they don't have to be physical) with specific people then it suggests you are not asexual. You might find that you feel you are gray-sexual or something close to asexual, but not asexual because you actively enjoy specific-partnered sexual activities.

 

Asexuals can participate in partnered sexual activities and "get off," so to speak. But it's like masturbation to them, it's not about the person but about the act. It's pressing the right button or pulling the right lever to get a bodily reaction. So there is no emotional connection or innate desire for partnered activity. An asexual would be perfectly happy never having another partnered sexual activity. And they would also be fine in a relationship wherein no sex ever happens again.

 

I hope that all gives you something to mull over

[soda59]

I've had a lot of sexual roleplays online, but as another character. I have a bit of a theory about my sexuality being very disconnected from myself (maybe it's there and the pieces just aren't together, I don't know) , but I'm sure someone who studies asexuality will get to it/ has gotten to it. It's not that uncommon as far as I know. I sometimes just laugh and say 'actually I am sexual but only in hypotheticals and if  I am not involved. Call it extreme vouyerism'. 

 

I met a roleplay partner online and she turned out to be asexual too without me knowing it at first. It's kind of like masturbation honestly.  You should be careful that your friend knows it's just cyber and nothing more, just don't want her getting hurt.

[Purple Wanderer]

You were not in a position to actually get physically involved. If they'd just been sat opposite you and you thought they'd try to lead it into sex... you'd probably have had a different reaction.  -   few people on here have mentioned similar like reading erotica, they've felt aroused but never would with another person 

[Yeast]

2 hours ago, Puck said:

Wellllll, here's the thing. People here aren't aces (pun intended) at telling others was sexual attraction is as many here have never felt it, so how could we know?

My feelings (or lack of?) exactly. The asexual lady I met at the mall last weekend was charming. We seemed to have so much in common. I think I feel  bit of romantic attraction to her but I've never dated or engaged in sex. Courtship? I wouldn't know how. Maybe she wouldn't know either. However we might be able to form a strong emotional bond and even grow to love one another. Could we become sexual? I can't answer this either because I don't know if a person who has never experienced sexual attraction can ever begin to feel this sort of thing.