Hippeastrum Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 According to AVENwiki, people who identify as gray-A can include: do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances I would like to know, what is the reason for you who identify as gray/grey-A to do so, and do you feel sorry because you do not feel sexual attraction all the time, or is it better for you so? In my own case I can feel sexual attraction in limited and spesific circumstances, that is when I have hypomania. I've been diagnosed bipolar disorder type II 15 years ago, but have had it maybe 35 years. Fortunately those hypomanic episodes have become very rare since I was diagnosed and knew how to prevent them effectively. Also those depressive episodes which were frequent when I was under 35 have luckily become rare. I think in my case age has also influenced my bipolar to settle down. I turn 50 next summer, and I do not miss sexual attraction at all. On the contrary, I'm very pleased without it. (sorry for a clumsy language, english is not my mother tongue) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Hello Hemrocallis First off, welcome to AVEN! It's nice to have you here. I'm 38 y.o. and feel quite comfortable with being grey-A for the most part. The amount and intensity of my sexual attraction usually fluctuates quite a lot, yet it's not connected to any special mental state and surrounding (although I only get inspired by fictional graphic content) . It just comes and goes like ocean waves, rushing through my daily life once in a while over and over again. Pleasant and relieving. Link to post Share on other sites
Hippeastrum Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 36 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said: Hello Hemrocallis First off, welcome to AVEN! It's nice to have you here. Thank you Deus Ex Infinity, it's nice to be here! In fact I have been lurking here a quite a long time, but just now I have won my self-criticism about writing in English. Better to practise a little before I forget all I have learnt in school a small eternity ago... Good to hear you feel quite comfortable with your situation as grey-A Link to post Share on other sites
Spotastic Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 @Hemerocallis It's funny how often people who have perfect English apologize for clumsy use of the language. If you hadn't said anything I would not have thought you weren't a native speaker! I'm 35 and I only found out about asexuality around 4 years ago. I've been married for 10 years now to a woman who is not asexual. There have been some tough times dealing with my not having a desire for sex over the years, but with the knowledge we have now, things work out just fine. I like sex, but I have no real desire for it. It's basically a non-issue for me. My wife has to be the initiator or it won't happen. I please her much more often than she pleases me, but we're both perfectly fine with that. As far as our sex life is concerned things couldn't be better. We just make sure that we're open and honest about what we want or need. Link to post Share on other sites
TerrysAwake Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 In my experience, I can't and don't bother to try to define my sexuality. I like a certain type of male or a MTF. I have most of my experience with gay males. Reguardless, my reaction towards people, if I find them stunning, is a emotional one and not a sexual one. I'd want to hold, cuddle and kiss them but it's not a sexual reaction. What I can't stand the most is genitalia. Male or female, it just grosses me out. Most beautiful people are not perfect and I find most perfection unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Hippeastrum Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Spotastic, guess I've been quite succesful then, but Google translator has been a great help You did better than me, who found asexuality less than 3 years ago. Before that I have had many relationships and one marriage. I did want a relationship so I just acted like I tought in a relationship one should act. I was lucky to have one allosexual partner of 11 years who didn't ask for too much from me and loved me anyway. It was my last long term relationship and ended for other reasons than sex. He was also always the initiator except one or two times in the first few months when I had hypomania. Falling in love used to trigger that mood state in me. I'm so pleased to hear that you Spotastic and your wife have managed to match your sex life so well! It's not necessary easy but I too have experienced that it is possible between (gray-)asexual and non-asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Hippeastrum Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 @TerrysAwake For me it was such a relief to find out about asexuality and to notice, that there are others who have same issues with sexuality than me, and there is even a name for this. I gladly define myself as a gray-A nowadays. In the past I was never interested in the theme of sex nor sexuality, and used to actively avoid all discussion that dealt with these subjects. That was one reason I was so long "in the dark". This romantic and aromantic thing is now something I want to find out where I stand myself. I like to cuddle too, but not to kiss. But do remember that I used to like kissing linked with hypomania and some sexual attraction when I was younger. You TerrysAwake told about your reaction towards people to be emotional one, if you find them stunning. That do I recognize too, if I fall in someone. That has not happened for a while, and don't know if I want it to happen. Even during the periods of elevated mood have my sexual attraction or desire been quite random reactions towards my partner, and not so very srong. I never seeked one night stands to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Avian Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 For me, it's because I have an interest in sex even if that feeling seldom happens, that I identify as grey-ace. Also, I do have a tendency to fall for men older than myself, which is what I had thought grey-asexual meant when I first heard it! Link to post Share on other sites
Hippeastrum Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Oh Avian, thats too funny ** I have read a quite a lot of pages here in AVEN during last few days. Many writers have said, that person who in real life ever desires sex with another person is sexual. That does not sound like me. Even gray sexual -label sounds exaggeration to me. First time I remember to have a little glimpse of sexual attraction towards my boyfriend (by this I mean some inherent desire to have partnered sex with him) was when I was 21 and in hypomania. If I would stay mentally stable the rest of my life, I guess I would never ever again in my life inherently desire sex with another person. TerrysAwake said: I can't and don't bother to try to define my sexuality. Maybe it's better for me too to do like him, and leave out the labels completely. I am what I am, and I don't have to fit in to any fence. Link to post Share on other sites
km78 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I'm a little late to respond, but as someone who is also gray-a and has Bipolar II, I wanted to respond to that piece of it. The only time I've strongly felt sexual attraction or want to engage in partnered sex is when I'm hypomanic. For a long time I thought that disqualified me from being any form of asexual, but in reality it doesn't. That sexual attraction isn't real, rather it's the chemicals in our brains amping up our libido to the point where we experience sexual attraction. I'm convinced that being gray-a is what keeps me from acting on the hypersexual symptoms. So, in that aspect, it makes me really appreciate my asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
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