Did meeting other trans people help?

[Sean_Bird]

Hi!

 

So I'm genderfluid; I've had many friends in the lgbt community, but haven't really engaged with many in the trans part. I've never interacted with an "out" genderfluid in person, or someone I was aware was genderfluid, at least. Every once in a while I'll get this random urge to reach out to my lgb friends and since I realized I'm genderfluid, had the inclination to make friends that are genderfluid/trans, too.

 

My experience when I go out of my way to make friends in the lgb community, however, have been unsuccessful. Making friends solely because of their sexual orientation has led to awkwardness, since talking about sex with strangers is well... weird. The entire basis of that interaction is on such an intimate and small part of who we are, that it has seemed shallow to seek out friendship for that reason alone.

 

But I haven't really tried it with the trans community. So I'm curious: for those of you in the trans umbrella, did meeting fellow trans people help you emotionally or feel beneficial?

[Mezzo Forte]

When I transitioned, the only trans people I was really connected with was the community here on AVEN. It helps to be able to share thoughts on forums and kind of engage them at your own pace, but for me, my greatest source of support came from a really dear cishet friend. I think the empathy, willingness to listen, and genuine human bond are the most important aspects of good support, and whether you get that from someone who is trans or not only matters so much in my opinion.

 

Nowadays, when I meet fellow trans people, I'm kind of the more experienced one, the mentor figure of sorts. More recently, I've made my name as a scholar of trans musicians, so there's that dynamic too. Either way, with the exception of a few people on AVEN, I generally am the provider of the support moreso than I necessarily receive the support from trans circles. I do take some pride in my ability to give back to the trans community though, and if I didn't like the mentor role, I would have never considering going into education.

[Finn.]

Overall, I know several nb people, but I don't talk about gender with them, funnily enough. I only have 1 online friend (which I met here! wink wink if you read this) that I regularly talk about gender with.

 

I think youtube has helped a lot, seeing people transition, binary or nonbinary. Ash Hardell is great, even though she came out much after me. Chase Ross. Other nb people that I don't watch regularly / anymore, but still. Knowing that other people just *exist*. Online people being great with my name change.

And shout out to the first ever trans and transitioning person I ever met, even though we had a professional relationship it changed a lot for me, internally.

 

Anyways. I think just knowing *of* nb people helps. Since every nb person is different, it's hard to find someone with a similar gender.

[SkyWorld]

For me, definitely.

 

AVEN was my first source of support, but I felt like it wasn’t enough. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so incredibly thankful to AVEN and its members for helping me understand myself more. It really holds a special place in my heart. I’ve only been here for about 3 years, but I feel like so much has happened and I’ve grown so much in that time. 

 

But I felt like it wasn’t enough. I love and appreciate my online friends, but it just wasn’t the same as IRL. So I’ve been trying to get more acive with the community in person and most certainly have been helpful for me. Talking to trans people more locally helps me around more because of what’s available in my city/state. That’s how I was even able to get started on HRT. How I’m able to find a gender therapist that accepts my health insurance. It made it easier for me as well as some support from fellow trans people. Even a trans friend is helping me find a new job that I can feel safe being out to.

 

I’m mostly the one seeking guidance and information, but there have been very few times where I had taken that role. Being VP of my college’s GSA, I’ve definitely learned (slowly but surely) a more leadership role and supporting my fellow members and the newer members.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 2/25/2018 at 8:01 PM, Sean-Kat said:

Hi!

 

So I'm genderfluid; I've had many friends in the lgbt community, but haven't really engaged with many in the trans part. I've never interacted with an "out" genderfluid in person, or someone I was aware was genderfluid, at least. Every once in a while I'll get this random urge to reach out to my lgb friends and since I realized I'm genderfluid, had the inclination to make friends that are genderfluid/trans, too.

 

My experience when I go out of my way to make friends in the lgb community, however, have been unsuccessful. Making friends solely because of their sexual orientation has led to awkwardness, since talking about sex with strangers is well... weird. The entire basis of that interaction is on such an intimate and small part of who we are, that it has seemed shallow to seek out friendship for that reason alone.

 

But I haven't really tried it with the trans community. So I'm curious: for those of you in the trans umbrella, did meeting fellow trans people help you emotionally or feel beneficial?

Yes and no. Keep in mind, times were different then, this goes back 20 years. But i think some things never change.

 

Gay folks started referring to each other covertly as 'family', and some of the trans people back then did, too. It was like a secret handshake. Thing is, people are people, and that means you have to accept the good with the bad. Just because they are 'family' doesn't mean they'll support you, or even like you. And sometimes things get pretty compeititive and the narratives bend to accomodate that. When you see that happening, I'd say you should run away. NEVER make the assumption that because they are family, they'll never betray you or do things to hurt you or be insensitive.

 

It's sometimes disheartening, because you think "I've FINALLY found people who understand !" You trust them and they go all Jolly Rodger on you. And then you blame yourself, thinking "Maybe it was me?" and you put this 'Kick Me' sign on your back.

 

How do you know? Pretty much when it is a 'Just Folks' type atmosphere. When people are just happy for good company, good conversation, and sharing good stories and positive thoughts.

 

Good luck, and hoping you find what you need and share the Walk of Life.