Cobie Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 9 hours ago, LouiseHope said: ... society as whole puts a lot of pressure. ... Women, in particular, seemed to subjected to a form of brainwashing from an early age. ... I agree, and I have stopped watching movies and have stopped reading books. I prefer to get my info from conversations with real people. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 On 03/03/2018 at 9:48 PM, vega57 said: ... One nice perk about being older is that you realize that you no longer have to put up with anyone's crap! I am female. I am 60. I am single. I am celibate. If I'm horny, I can take care of my own 'needs'. I am HAPPY. I am Woman, hear me ROAR (...*meow*) That’s me! (but 65) Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 On 26.02.2018 at 7:48 AM, Muledeer said: "multiply and replenish the earth" is a fundamental commandment. As I see it, it's not even a commandment. It's a blessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Cat Lady Posted April 2, 2018 Share Posted April 2, 2018 On 2/25/2018 at 5:16 PM, Booknut said: For those over the age of 40: It seems to me that most older asexuals on the forum have children. Would you say the pressure to conform to the expectation to marry and have children was that great? I'm 45. I've known since I was 15 that I don't want kids, and I've not been shy about letting people know. I suspect that's why I've never been pressured about it. I know my parents (particularly my dad) are disappointed that there aren't any grandkids, nor will there be (unless my brother decides to have kids, but that's also looking unlikely). That being said, I did always think I'd get married one day and I wanted to. I wanted to find someone to love and spend the rest of my life with. It was only about 7ish years ago (when I found this site) that I discovered there was such a thing as asexual and it was likely me. It was a relief to know I wasn't completely "odd", but at the same time, it pretty much confirms I am very unlikely to ever get married. Link to post Share on other sites
ashpenaz Posted April 2, 2018 Share Posted April 2, 2018 I don't know why I never wanted to have children. It doesn't seem to be intrinsic to being asexual--I could want children but not want sex, and just use sex as a means to an end. I never wanted to get married and raise a family. I honestly don't understand people who do. I have instead built a family around my close friends. I like living by myself and visiting my friends every now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
Demi Dad Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 i met my wife when she rang the wrong door bell. she was the ministers daughter. he was bishop of the church and my landlord . she was nice and laid back but sharp and funny i saw her and her two little boys one 6 the other 8 they were protective of there mother. i would help clean the church we would talk finding more thing in common she was older than me what i liked ( i thought i was in experienced in dating and being around women) so she new what she liked in a man(hopefully me) all this happen after about 6 months of knowing her something felt different from the last time i tried to be with some one,(that relationship was difficult and painful and was 5 years before her) know i understand i had made strong bond with her she laughed with me and cried with me and took the boy every were with us we had sex sometimes on other times i would hold her tight or she would hold me in her arms and play with my arm hair and hold hands, my youngest son came a year later. at that point i wanted what my father and mother had to be one couple and for her to take my last name. it was a small venue my mother came from her southern home dad had already passed(but he saw a picture of his grand son )6 months before he left us he was proud we were married in June i was happy and she was too, as far as sex went we had sex about 6 or 8 more times we pleased each other in other ways some physical rubbing and touching or massages . we rarely fought over that but sometimes it came up i reassured her i loved her and i would never cheat on her like the father of her other 2 boys , i new our kids needs came before mine ( she was more than i ever wanted and could handle) so to answer your question no pressure it was something i wanted . i followed my parent foot steps i saw there love and i wanted a fraction of that. i was happy while it lasted ,she past September 2013 we were together for 23 years (i suddenly feel a little sad and a little proud i let that out) i feel very comfortable emoting here to all of you like minded people ...thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 I'm quite a bit over 40 and yes, the pressure to have sex, to get married and to have children was very great. I had sex, got pregnant, and got married and had children. The pregnancy was due to the fact that there was no good birth control then and men did not want to use prophylactics (rubbers). Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 When I think about it, it seems to me that I have experienced much more pressure from schoolmates than from my family. The latter just had nothing to say: I decided that I don't want to have children at the age of 5, WAY before such a topic enters conversations with a growing up child. "Of course", I don't think that they used to take my declarations seriously at that time. But now I'm 37, have never changed my mind... my mom knows that I have also never been in a relationship, more distant family members probably just realise that I'm not married and that they have never heard of me being in any relationship. At that time they were accepting out of necessity, because I was already assertive enough to not let them tell me that I could change my mind. Well, in this case it was me who was right; children sometimes DO know what they want with a lot of foresight. Other girls were mostly just not accepting, they would keep saying disproven stuff about "biological clock", they seemed to just find it incomprehensible that a woman can not want children. Only one girl expressed slightly similar feelings: she said that she would want to have children, but is scared of giving birth, so she would adopt. While I wouldn't like to be a parent in this way either, I just understand it a lot more... I understand tokophobia very well and generally I support adoption. "Natural" motherhood is, on the contrary, much more difficult for me to understand... I feel that I should respect other people's thoughtfeelings, but the very idea of wanting to give birth is incomprehensible to the extreme or me. For me it's one of ultra-terrifying things. Well, at least I was right about my feelings at the age of 5: a lifestyle which reduces the possibility of pregnancy to zero is no problem at all for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kia Hiraeth Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 I think my parents were happy I wasn’t normal, it freed me up to take care of them when they got sick. If I had a husband and kids I wouldn't have been as available to be their care giver. Link to post Share on other sites
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