Pagan love Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 When sexual ppl get together they are so in love n they claim they make each other so happy n then a year or two are fist fighting. Break up n are miserable until they fall in love n do it all over again n again. Until they literally can't have sex anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Ace people fall out too :-D Link to post Share on other sites
Raire Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I think all relationships (love, friendship, and everything in-between) are prone to swings and roundabouts. In my experience though, because those 'in love' are more vocal about their relationships, you hear more about things if it goes wrong! And in some cases, those who've been in a loving / long-term relationship stay together even in a passion-free status for the sake of family, or desperation. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 There's probably alot less cheating in ace on ace relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
Pagan love Posted February 25, 2018 Author Share Posted February 25, 2018 Would love to have a ace relationship with anyone but I don't know anyone who is like me. Link to post Share on other sites
taebae Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Yeah, all relationships have their ups and downs but romantic relationships between sexual people are the most volatile. They seem to cause more emotional turmoil than they're worth but what do I know? I have friends coming to me all the time with their relationship problems. They'll be crying to me about one thing or another and the next thing I know they're back together with their partner and it repeats all over again. I get exhausted just thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pagan love Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 Exactly how I feel. What I can't figure out is why they don't realize it's a waist of time repeating the same thing over n over for all their lives n thinking each time is different n somehow this one will work out. Come on. Ever heard of the power struggle phase? It last for 20 years or so when after u get over the honeymoon stage. N it is pure abuse. Not many last through it n those that do stay together don't do it out of love. Most are very unhappy n actively seek affairs everywhere they can bc they want that new feeling back again. It also has something to do with brain chemistry when most have sex with new ppl. I never had that wow he makes me feel so good feeling so I've been told I am messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
MissMidnight Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 1 hour ago, MrJ said: There's probably alot less cheating in ace on ace relationships! I think that may be true in the sexual sense but in the romantic side of things or the emotion side of things it would probably work out to be the same unfortunately. People could emotionally cheat without meaning to. 40 minutes ago, Pagan love said: Exactly how I feel. What I can't figure out is why they don't realize it's a waist of time repeating the same thing over n over for all their lives n thinking each time is different n somehow this one will work out. Come on. Ever heard of the power struggle phase? It last for 20 years or so when after u get over the honeymoon stage. N it is pure abuse. Not many last through it n those that do stay together don't do it out of love. Most are very unhappy n actively seek affairs everywhere they can bc they want that new feeling back again. It also has something to do with brain chemistry when most have sex with new ppl. I never had that wow he makes me feel so good feeling so I've been told I am messed up. I think people repeat the same mistakes because they are remember what it was like in the beginning or maybe they just like the idea of love or being loved or simply dont want to be alone so they bend of backwards trying to make it work or finding a way they can tolerate what they have now even if it doesnt make them happy anymore. Some people also stay because they dont like change and are too afraid to go off on their own and try again or they feel they are too old. Its really saddening to hear about those instance where someone wants to leave but feels they cant and they are powerless Link to post Share on other sites
Bryophyte Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Honestly, I have up and downs with my family members, but I still love them. I have little to base this claim on, but I feel like sexual relationships are more vulnerable to this because they might mistake sexual attraction for love. So, when two allosexuals begin living with each other and learn about each other more, they may begin to realize they actually cannot stand each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Even though I’m inherently ace and likely aro, all the drama from relationships I hear about turns me off from romance even more. Like, my lord, when I was little, I was so naive and thought when you found your soulmate, you’d be happy forever. Then, I grew up and realized, man, people fight...a LOT 😧🤔. Tons of my family member and friends have dealt with either abusive partners or divorces, and it all sounds like a complete nightmare 😰. The smallest differences in a relationship can blow the whole thing up. Any romantic aces have it tough 😯. Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Life has ups and downs. Your outlook will determine how you deal with either All my friendships have had challenges at times. I also have moments with my family. It is part of human nature. Having a disagreement doesn't mean abject hatred though You must experience the downs in a relationship to truly appreciate the ups. Without knowing what is either good or bad, how can you know what either is? If you want a relationship, then it's about doing your best and giving all of yourself to another person, and vice versa. And if you don't and being on your own is what you'd rather, that's absolutely fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Some ups and downs are normal in any kind of relationship. However, I see the same thing you do; allosexual relationships seem to be a lot more volatile, and people will go pretty far down the rabbit hole. I know people who are in abusive relationships, but won't leave and don't want to part , although if it were platonic you know they wouldn't be friends. Even sadder, the whole dating scene seems a roulette and people will go with whoever to placate themselves. Granted this isn't always the case, but it's way too frequent; honestly I see this as a flaw of our dating culture, but my perspective is from the outside looking in. People seem to get desperate in finding sexual and romantic partners. I don't really get it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Pagan love Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 I think it's all hormonal. If asexuals naturally have less hormones then it explains our lack of interest in the subject of sex. However a sexual person is driven by their hormones to mate. So when they aren't getting any sex they act miserable bc they're not getting what their bodies want. I do think we can as humans control ourselves in spite of what our hormones want but some can't do that. They go to extreme measures to get sex. With anyone bc in their mind being alone is the worst. I tell ppl I'm single by choice. I've gotten a few I'm sorrys from that but I tell them I would rather be happy by myself than getting beaten up n pushed around just to be able to have sex. That sounds alot better don't u think? I don't have fight with anyone about anything bc I am by myself. Well I have pets but they don't fight with me. A man would fight with me every time. I decided I didn't need that n quit dating all together n am the happiest I've been in my life bc of it. But sexual ppl get depressed when they have no one to have sex with n they think sex is worth putting up with abuse just as long as they get to have sex. I find that crazy n something seriously wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 It doesn't bother me much because I'm not a part of that life and I know I'm not wrong for making that choice. What gets me is when you can tell that some are bored, miserable, unhappy but they put up a front just to hype how wonderful sex and love is 🙄. Link to post Share on other sites
squaggly Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Something I think is an advantage about being asexual is you aren't attracted to the attractive person who is really just a jerk. I've had friends who wanted to hook up with some girl, and when I ask why, it's because of her beauty. I guess I could see that she does have well developed areas, but if you want a long term relationship, her personality is trash and you are going to leave her very soon. Being able to see through that is a skill that not everyone has, but it's the main defining part of asexuality. That's why I'm a proud asexual Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Neither am I in one nor do I want a romantic relationship, so I got nothing to get tired of. Yet I do wonder how people jump into new relationships, being fully aware of the pain it'll inflict on them at some point... Link to post Share on other sites
soda59 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I've slowly spent less time with people who are my friends and I care about but am still in touch with them and still make sure they are a part of my life. I find the fall out between romantic people really really confusing....and scary....I've never really had a big breakup in my life even among friends...I've had to cut out people in my life, but I wasn't that attached to them; I've made sure to only cultivate great people around me as my friends, and will just not get close to someone i suspect will be trouble....I had my parent figures sort of 'drop out ' of my life emotionally when I was younger and it was so painful, that i can't bear the thought of that happening again in some way. I always scratch my head when people get in fights with their friends all the time...I've known people who fall out with friends, not to mention lovers! It's confusing! Like why be around someone who is going to be harmful? And how can you love someone and then suddenly hate them!!!! Like if I was in love with someone, I don't think I would ever hate them,even if we split. I would hope we could at least remain friends. I understand growing apart, but I feel like sincere affection will always be there. I've ALWAYS been so baffled. It's like they crave companionship so much they are willing to be around even toxic people and deal with their bad behavior! I don't condemn them for this..I've known lovely people who stick in abusive relationships because of low self esteem, but it still makes me scratch my head and feel bad for them. Link to post Share on other sites
WWIFlyingAce Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 On 2/25/2018 at 4:58 PM, taebae said: Yeah, all relationships have their ups and downs but romantic relationships between sexual people are the most volatile. They seem to cause more emotional turmoil than they're worth but what do I know? I have friends coming to me all the time with their relationship problems. They'll be crying to me about one thing or another and the next thing I know they're back together with their partner and it repeats all over again. I get exhausted just thinking about it. Story of my life. Ever since high school I've been hearing about every relationship drama my friends have been through. For reasons I'll never understand, they always thought I was a good person to come to for advice, despite knowing that at that time, I'd never been in a relationship, and had a significant disdain for them thanks to my mom's two divorces. Even now, listening to my friends at work struggle over their relationships, I find myself grateful that I don't have to deal with such a complicated, ugly, painful mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Adventurefreak Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 On 2/26/2018 at 5:42 PM, Pagan love said: But sexual ppl get depressed when they have no one to have sex with n they think sex is worth putting up with abuse just as long as they get to have sex. I find that crazy n something seriously wrong with that. I think this might be related to the overrating of sex by media, which makes people believe as if only sex matters Link to post Share on other sites
taebae Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 17 hours ago, WWIFlyingAce said: Story of my life. Ever since high school I've been hearing about every relationship drama my friends have been through. For reasons I'll never understand, they always thought I was a good person to come to for advice, despite knowing that at that time, I'd never been in a relationship, and had a significant disdain for them thanks to my mom's two divorces. Even now, listening to my friends at work struggle over their relationships, I find myself grateful that I don't have to deal with such a complicated, ugly, painful mess. Yes! I never understood why people came to me, of all people, for relationship advice. 9 times out of 10 I'd suggest breaking up because why stay in a relationship with someone that makes you cry all the time? Seems miserable to me and totally not worth it. But since that's not what they wanted to hear they'd always say things like "well you've never been in love so you wouldn't understand." If that's what love is like I don't need it. Link to post Share on other sites
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