I think I'm graysexual and I'm not sure what to do

[Tyger]

Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum, though I've been doing lots of research on AVEN's wiki recently. I'm posting because I think I qualify as graysexual and I'd like to ask for some advice on how to handle that in the context of my marriage.

 

I'm in my 30s, AFAB but I identify as nonbinary. I called myself pansexual since I was a teen until recently, and I've always fallen for people based on their personality and not at all due to what they look like.

 

(Warning that I discuss sexual things next, though not graphically) Here's why I think I might be graysexual: Though I have what I guess is termed a high libido, I enjoy masturbating and I am almost always happier by myself than I would be if I involved a partner. It's not about anxiety; I'd just rather do it by myself. Sometimes I find that I would like to be involved in sexual activities with someone who I feel a romantic connection to, but even that isn't constant--within my romantic relationships my interest in sex with my partner ebbs and flows, though I'm still constantly sexual by myself.

 

My lack of interest in partnered sex has caused tension in almost all of my relationships, including my marriage. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and we've been fighting for the past few of them over the frequency of sex. Finding this website and the term graysexual has made me understand that maybe sexuality is different for me than it is for him, and that maybe I'm not a bad person for feeling the way I do.

 

So I guess I'd like to ask if graysexual seems like a word that fits my situation, and if so, if anyone has any advice as to how to handle being in a marriage with someone who is a fully sexual person. Thank you to anyone who read my novel of text; I really appreciate it!!

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @Tyger. Have some cake...

 

Yeah, I think that graysexual fits your situation. And even if I didn't, it would be up to you to choose your labels

 

You might want to read a bit in the SPFA sub-forum:

https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/30-for-sexual-partners-friends-and-allies/

The advices given there to manage mixed relationships probably apply to your situation as well.

 

I hope that helps!