21LAUR21 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 I'm impressed that I actually have decided to finally join and post something. I've recently become more confident with identifying myself as asexual, but I often wonder if it is a genuine lack of interest in partaking in sexual acts or more of a fear of not being good enough/rejection. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just trying to protect myself from any awkward encounters because I do tend to be socially anxious. It was always a little confusing to me because I do sometimes crave intimacy and relationships in theory, but it never translates to real life scenarios. In my head its always very casual and whenever things progress physically, I tend to get bored and "fast forward" (for lack of a better term) through the actual sex parts to just laying there and being close with someone. Ever since I realized that romantic and sexual attraction were two different things, the more and more I see that asexual is probably the most accurate descriptor for me. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has the same thoughts that their asexuality stems from a defence mechanism for social anxiety. Or maybe its the other way around and my social anxiety stems from the fact that I'm asexual and I dont want to be put in any sexual situations. Now that I'm thinking about it the second one is probably more likely. If anyone has had similar thoughts I would love to hear about how you reasoned through them. Link to post Share on other sites
Raidia Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 First off welcome! have some cake. I personally have super bad anxiety, usually from everything and everyone. But I realized I'm asexual just because I just never felt anything. Especially when I was having my good days with anxiety it just was never there. But that's just me. And it could also be different from person to person. Link to post Share on other sites
21LAUR21 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 I never really thought about that, It would be difficult to constantly convince myself that I didn't want something. And true, even when I'm not anxious I've never experienced sexual attraction. Thanks for the welcome, Its nice to finally be able to have a place to talk about this stuff. P.S. is that a crested gecko in your profile picture? Because he/she is adorable. Link to post Share on other sites
ecogirl92 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Welcome ! I'm relatively new to AVEN myself. That is an interesting thought. I too am socially anxious. The larger the group I'm with, the more introverted I become. I never thought that my social anxiety could stem from me being asexual. Not that asexuality causes social anxiety but being an asexual in a sexually driven culture can be super stressful sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Raidia Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 @xxLAURxx that is a crested gecko! And thanks his name is Marble. And he's one of four dashing lizards in my house. But Marble is the one and only photogenic one. And hey if you ever just need to randomly talk about anxiety I'm a pro after getting and lived through it for 13 some odd years. So you can pm me if you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
21LAUR21 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Thanks, I really appreciate that @Raidia! Link to post Share on other sites
Raidia Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Yeah no problem! Link to post Share on other sites
Amperance Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 For me, they are related as well, but I don't feel social anxiety as much as social discomfort. Now this discomfort in my experience has been related to how much societal norms emphasize and bottleneck sexual activity as the end goal of much, if not all human interaction. And I, not being game for all that sex, love, coupling business, well I naturally felt adverse and resistant to social interaction in general. There are other factors for me as well, I am an introvert and a bit of a misanthropist. I can turn on and be a people person because I find peoplehood interesting, but their companionship drains me energetically so can only manage exposure in certain doses... (peoplehood is interesting because being a person is weird, hard and I generally suck at it) But perhaps, my understanding of the social being a reaction to my grayness is ultimately rooted in the fact that I can modify how I respond/behave/feel socially, but I cannot control how I (don't) feel sexually. Meaning I can’t modify the fact that I don’t feel sexual attraction but I can adjust how I feel socially. Link to post Share on other sites
Flwr Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Hey guys! I'm new here too and I'm feelin this thread, lol. I'm an introvert and tend to get uncomfortable in social situation, and at times very anxious. I've always been more anxious around guys (most of all conventionally attractive ones) and I know that is because the pressures to be sexually attracted to people makes me more uncomfortable. I don't know for sure where these aspects - introversion, asexuality, social anxiety - overlap for me, or how much they influence each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Raidia Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 @Flwr Well welcome! Have some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Flwr Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 1 hour ago, Raidia said: @Flwr Well welcome! Have some cake! lol! thank u Link to post Share on other sites
SilverForestFae Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I had SAD for many years of my life. It finally calmed down and is now a moderate form of social anxiety and anxiety over my family or dog dying mostly. I didn't realize that I was asexual until after this. But I realize now that SAD didn't affect my sexuality. I was never scared of sex. I grew up in a Christian home, and I "knew" one day I'd have sex (until I discovered I was asexual). I was taught to save myself for marriage. So I kind of had this notion that once I was married, I'd suddenly feel sexual attraction for my husband? I literally thought this was how life worked until the past couple years. Those people who have sex before marriage? I thought they were the odd ones out. I never did associate with the types of teenagers who would drink, party, or participate in sexual or rebellious activity, so I never had anyone "sexual" to compare myself to. From the time I can remember, I wanted a boyfriend. I had to have one. I chased boys around at school. In theory, I wanted to kiss a boy SO BADLY. When I was 13, my dream of a boyfriend finally came true and I can honestly say I never once thought about kissing him while we were dating. Only afterward did I think, I missed my opportunity. But I didn't really regret not kissing him. In theory I wanted to. But in reality I didn't care one tiny bit. I feel the same about sex. In theory, I want it, or rather I want to feel it. I want to experience an orgasm. I want a guy to touch me in a loving way. But can I imagine the "act"? No. Can I fantasize about it? No. Do I wish for specific sexual things? Nope. I've come to realize that the only form of physical contact I want is someone to hug me, kiss my forehead, or hold my head as they rub their thumbs across my cheeks. I watch the Doctor do this to Amy and it is nearly overwhelming how much I want that sometimes. I watch someone have sex and I just don't. And I've always been this way. During SAD, and after. I used to have this friend who I found out was like extremely toxic. And there's this huge part of me that still wants her approval, her friendship, her help, etc. She never believed I had SAD, and it made me second guess myself and feel like I was simply an attention seeker. I can't help but feel like people will feel that way about me being an asexual. But, no matter what kind of a mental illness someone has, I'm under the impression that if you're sexual, you'll be sexual. So just be who you are, love, and care for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Liro Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 This is an interesting discussion. I have also been struggling quite a while now with generalized anxiety disorder and during a long period of my life I had thought that I had social anxiety, I also felt really uncomfortable going out to meet people specially by night. But I recently realized that the fear I was feeling was more related to the situation itself, because usually going out with friends at night means flirting and all the social pressure involved. So, when I was younger I limited myself as much as possible to go out only with my parents to avoid the awkwardness of these situations. After I've found a really good group of friends that doesn't keep asking me about my sexual life or doesn't pressure me during this social events, I have felt more free, liberated, confortable and less anxious. I have noticed that (in my case) my social anxiety had a strong relation with not knowing that I could be asexual and I am not oblige to engage in any kind of sexual or romantic relation if I didn't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky Angel Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Hello and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Liro Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Just a nice video that a found out Link to post Share on other sites
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