Passionate friendships/QPRs

[arobydesign]

I’m sort of wondering whether this thing actually exists in real life and would like to hear from people.

 

What I am looking for most in life, right now, is deep, passionate friendship. Friendship where there is lots of emotional intimacy and where some physical intimacy (I’m mostly thinking of snuggling in front of the TV) is normal, wanted, and okay. I have only met one person in my life that I have had this kind of connection with, and even though he is married now, both him and his wife are totally fine with giving me snuggles when I’m at theirs. I moved internationally and so I don’t see them often enough these days. I also think that it’s very difficult to make friends in the sense that most people think of friendships, as an adult, let alone build this kind of relationship, which by its nature takes lots of time to really develop. Does anyone here have these types of relationships? 

 

Relatedly, I am interested to hear whether there are people here who practice relationship anarchy, and/or people who prioritise friendships over romantic/other kinds of relationships, and how that all works for you.

 

I’ve been thinking about these issues a lot and I read lots of theory about human relationships. But mostly I feel like this is something that exists hypothetically or as an ideal that people want, but not necessarily actually in real life. But a few years ago I didn’t realise asexuality was a thing that existed, so I’m ready to be proved wrong on this one.

[arobydesign]

That is an awesome article, thank you!

[south paw]

I wish QPRs were more accepted for young adults! It seems like everyone I know wants a boyfriend or girlfriend so that they can have sex and/or kiss and hold hands with each other in public, but it is nearly impossible to find someone who just wants to have an intimate friendship! That's one of the main reasons why I'm still single to this day and will refuse to date until I can find someone who is into QPRs like myself.

[Jarle]

I suppose I'm a relationship anarchist, though I've never really cared for the term (whether that makes me MORE of an anarchist I'll leave to other people :-P). Right now I'm prioritising all sorts of relationships over romantic/queerplatonic, and honestly it's working out far better than I could have hoped. A big thing for me is being involved in communities or networks, so instead of investing my energy in finding and building a relationship with one person I'm spending more time with friends, I'm learning how to be an awesome uncle, I'm training more at martial arts, and I make a special effort to catch up with people whenever I can. 

 

There are times that I'm worried about the future, and the prospect of being with no-one when I'm older, but I'm not willing to trade my independence and freedom now for romantic happiness later, and I remind myself that the effort I put into these 'other' relationships isn't wasted. The thing I miss about having an SO the most is the physical affection - cuddles and sex and snuggling up to a movie - but for me all of that is intimately tied together with being in those kinds of relationships, so for the most part I've come to terms with not having that in my life right now. 

 

It's a bit rambley, but I suppose the take home point I'm trying to make is that I'm prioritising the relationships I want to over the one that society tells me I need to, and I couldn't be happier :-D

[MissMidnight]

For me, my bestfriend Pat and I while single would have a very close relationship, we'd know the ins and outs of basically eachothers lives. We were cuddly whether it was alone or out in public it was just how we were. We could be standing at the traffic lights and hed just snuggle up to me because he wanted to or because he was cold and it was nice. Though once either of us found a romantic partner wed stop doing that out of respect for them but as soon as we were both single again then it would start again. I loved it Im a cuddly person and well prior to now most of the people I ended up with were antitouch which was a problem with me and there was no real compromises that could be made. And i just got off topic lol.

 

Pat and i mostly would cuddle or snuggle anywhere really, we'd hang out in coffee shops and talk about anything or everything. We'd just be there for eachother and then we wouldnt see eachother for a while but when we did it was like it was just the very next day not a month down the track like it actually was. 

[SilentRose]

I'm not single but still consider myself a relationship anarchist in a way, nothing severe, but my I still put my family before my boyfriend. I put my family first, then my boyfriend and very best friends are tied for second place, just when it comes to level of affection and who I spend my time with. 

I actually think it's kept my relationship fairly healthy in a way, kept both of us from being too clingy (although being possibly aro has taken care of that for me) and I feel also that a lot of people forget about their friends when they're in a relationship and I never have, if anything I get closer to them. 

I absolutely identify with what you said about wanting a passionate friendship. Before I met my boyfriend I really just wanted a close friend to live with who I could have personal, intimate conversations with. 

[arobydesign]

Thanks everyone who replied. You've given me hope when I needed it.