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I am not sexual, but he is


AnonymousUnknown

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I agree with the above post to the extent that I worry about people who feel they are asexual assuming that somehow marriage will make things involving sex easier.   The opposite is true.  

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Yeah, I wouldn't assume that, if you're truly asexual, sex after marriage will be desirable or even doable. I always told myself that if I found someone I wanted to be with, I'd have sex for their sake. When the time came, we tried, and I was surprised to find out that, even with someone that I cared for and trusted, I couldn't bring myself to have sex. We ended up having to end our relationship over that. Also if you read through the "For asexual partners, friends, allies" section, you will find that many sexual people in mixed relationships have a very difficult time suppressing their libido despite their initial willingness to compromise for their asexual partners. Things may not work out the same way for you, but its worth considering the very real possibility that maybe you won't be able to satisfy his sexual desires even after you get married.

 

Also, regarding the porn, I would suggest either letting him watch or breaking up. Otherwise, you're asking an awful lot of him. It can be hard for aces to understand the extent to which sexual people experience sexual desire but from what I gathered, asking a sexual person to abstain from sex AND refrain from satisfying their libido in the only way the know how is going to put strain on the relationship if not ruin it all together.

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so there is this boy who you are not in a relationship with, who you have no intention of having any kind of sexual interaction with, who is willing to have a non-sexual relationship with you and you have a problem with him watching porn? Do you dislike the idea of porn in general or is it just him? If you dislike porn in general, there isn't much to do about the existence of porn; it shows no sign of leaving. If you don't want him to watch porn, do you want him to think of you sexually? If you want him to desire you and only you, you have to give something in return. 

It's good that you seem to want to move past it, but if you can't see past his usage of porn, you shouldn't be in a relationship with him.

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AnonymousUnknown

We talked more on sex in general and we’re just incompatible in that area and he wouldn’t want to be with me based on my lifestyle. 

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3 hours ago, Hannah620 said:

We talked more on sex in general and we’re just incompatible in that area and he wouldn’t want to be with me based on my lifestyle. 

Sorry to hear that. Though not entirely a surprise. Better find out now than after investing yourself deeply into a relationship where you feel forced by your feelings to compromise in other important areas.

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Ms. Carolynne
7 hours ago, Hannah620 said:

We talked more on sex in general and we’re just incompatible in that area and he wouldn’t want to be with me based on my lifestyle. 

That's probably for the best.

 

For now, I would suggest further contemplating what you want in a relationship and life in general. To be fair, I don't know your value system, but chastity and asexuality are different concepts.

 

For most people chastity is an exercise in self restraint, because they are usually allosexual. People do it out of personal beliefs and values, not because they are asexual or demisexual.

 

If you're asexual and otherwise uninterested in sex, marriage isn't going to change that.

 

If you're demisexual (or suspect you are), marriage isn't going to be as important as the bond you need to experience sexual attraction. You might not be able to guarantee an attraction in the future, either.

 

My point being, you may want to figure out if you even want sex as a part of your life, and if so under what circumstances.

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