Can someone explain the Japan asexuality once and for all?!

[Stargirl97]

Half of Japan is asexual. All of Japan wants boobies. None of Japan care about sex. What’s the deal?? Is there meet ups there, aren’t there? I’m planning on traveling abroad there but should I keep my orientation to myself or is it considered normal? Or it’s probably the same as every other country with the 1%. I’m so lost haha.

[Zatarra]

13 minutes ago, Stargirl97 said:

Half of Japan is asexual. All of Japan wants boobies. None of Japan care about sex. What’s the deal?? Is there meet ups there, aren’t there? I’m planning on traveling abroad there but should I keep my orientation to myself or is it considered normal? Or it’s probably the same as every other country with the 1%. I’m so lost haha.

I have never been to Japan, however I did spend 8 years abroad and my school there was predominantly South/S.E Asian:

my classmates were from India, Nepal, China, Thailand, Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam,etc 

 

Not to make any broad sweeping or stereotypical comments - just going from my own experience with their cultures: Sex seems to be a rather "taboo" topic. It is not nearly as discussed as here in the West. I was quite comfortable as an aro-ace (even thought I did not know the term existed at the time) while I was there. 

If anything the REAL culture shock to me was moving back to the States after my dad's job contract ended abroad. I did not fit in with my 'new' classmates here and the hypersexuality and obscenity really threw me off. The other thing I noticed was an absence of any real "violent" homophobia that we see here. Sure there were some very flamboyant kids and there was some 'teasing' but it was all harmless and never mean spirited. Thai culture particularly stood out to me as VERY tolerant. One of the reasons I really have my heart set on moving to Thailand or Nepal or India..any of them would do compared to being stuck here. Part of has to do with the influence of religion in those places... you dont have those puritan or Judeo-Christan (not ragging on those faiths, I come from them as well...) however with Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism there is at least a more live and let live approach to life as far as gender conformity and orientations.

 

If things are still as I remember you will find politeness, common courtesy and respect to be the norm. I am assuming your going there from the "west" - and that is where it gets a little interesting. See here in the hypersexual west you may be more acutely aware of how your aceness sets you apart -- there your aceness will blend it in better with the culture to where you wont have to be on the defensive as I have experienced since moving back here. 

[Philip027]

Quote

Half of Japan is asexual.

Uhh... no, no it is not.

[NerotheReaper]

I have heard that a lot of the people who live in Japan work A LOT. So I have the understanding that a lot of the population just don't have time or the energy for dating or sex. Which makes sense if this is true, if you work a lot you aren't going to be interested in relationships which also take a lot of time to form. 

[Scottthespy]

Japan's marriage and birth rates are on the (alarmingly rapid) decline, and statisticians and sociologists are linking it to a cultural shift that sees women becoming more authoritative and  motivated in matters of work, and men becoming LESS so. They call it 'carnivorous' and 'herbivorous' respectively, and it seems as though women do not want herbivorous, lackluster men and the men do not want carnivorous, overbearing women.  The issue could be a result of people's motivations changing, while their cultural sense of 'correct behavior' remains the same, leading to people who do not act in ways that align with what other people want from them. 

 

This research would suggest its not really a lack of attraction so much as a lack of culturally attractive partners for both men and women. 

 

Though this is all just something I saw in a few relatively reliable articles and a youtube video, so it could be wildly inaccurate.

[Gldlynch]

Hey Stargirl97

 

I'm Japanese and I don't necessarily think half of Japan is asexual... but without a doubt there is a marriage, sex and population issue. I used to live in a small town in Japan, I attended a primary school with few hundred kids but now that primary school is gone due to the decline in population of children in the area.

 

Romance is a weird situation in Japan. Same-sex marriage is not yet legalised, and PDA seems substantially absent. There are plenty of families but it all seems so proper. Being "queer" has a comical undertone in Japanese society so I don't really parade it around. Asexuality would just come with its baggage of explanations.

 

Men in Japan do love breasts... it's slightly perverted but honestly, you get used to it fast. I think it comes from anime culture where female characters always have large breasts, small waists, a bubble butt and Amazonian legs. Maid cafes and "kabe-don" culture is a strange kink when comparing it to western culture but I guess it's just a different avenue of feeling... the warm fuzzies? The "herbivore man" stereotype in Japan is very alive but to be honest it really depends on the people you encounter.

 

Japan has exciting stuff in it's own unique way, I hope you enjoy it!

[umbasa]

3 hours ago, Scottthespy said:

Japan's marriage and birth rates are on the (alarmingly rapid) decline, and statisticians and sociologists are linking it to a cultural shift that sees women becoming more authoritative and  motivated in matters of work, and men becoming LESS so. They call it 'carnivorous' and 'herbivorous' respectively, and it seems as though women do not want herbivorous, lackluster men and the men do not want carnivorous, overbearing women.  The issue could be a result of people's motivations changing, while their cultural sense of 'correct behavior' remains the same, leading to people who do not act in ways that align with what other people want from them. 

 

This research would suggest its not really a lack of attraction so much as a lack of culturally attractive partners for both men and women. 

 

Though this is all just something I saw in a few relatively reliable articles and a youtube video, so it could be wildly inaccurate.

No, that is all on the money.

 

It is a combination of many factors but what you point out is one of the major ones.

 

Also, there is barely any time to get busy and make babbies when the work / life balance in Japan is shockingly poor. Having to stay behind at work not because there is work to do but the boss has not left (and it would be unseemly to leave before your superior) is bound to create chaos in personal affairs when the other half of the population also enters that workplace.

 

But instead of stomping down on those ludicrous work norms and creating a generally happier and healthier people who would have the time to get busy and make babbies, Japan is still insistent on keeping up the more hours = better results philosophy. Instead, it is much easier to blame those damn women for wanting to do work instead of popping out a baby every year (as the government has been very vocal about on a number of occasions, even so much as to shout down female politicians who dark speak up on the matter).

[Rhaenys]

Just cause their birthrate is low and population is declining doesn't mean half of the population is asexual...like what kind of logic is that?

[LadyWallflower]

Half of Japan is definitely not asexual! As one person living in Japan, I can't speak for everyone. Everyone is their own individual. But here are some things to take into consideration.

 

1. Work Culture. Back in the olden days, the shogun would move around his samurai and advisors and so on to other locations. This was so a person wouldn't be able to accumulate enough power to cause problems. By having to move to a new location and start over, the idea was that no one would gain enough power to be a threat. This idea is still in play to this day. It is not uncommon, especially for government jobs, to be moved around to a new city. Because of this, some married couples end up living apart, because their work place moved them to a new location. For example, I have a friend who is a teacher. She's married. She and her husband have an apartment in a city. Her job was moved to another city. She wanted to continue living with her husband, so she decided to commute. It takes her well over an hour and a half one-way to commute to work. Her husband, who works for the government, then got transferred to another location. This one is many hours away. So he had to get a new place to live. So my friend and her husband live apart and can only see each other on weekends. This is obviously not optimum for starting a family. I know several older people who are unable to live with their spouses for similar reasons.

 

2. Overtime. In the west, I believe efficiency is valued. The more work you can accomplish, the better employee you are. In Japan, it's the pure hours you work. The longer hours you work, the better employee you are. Now some people who work overtime are actually working hard the entire time. They are given too much work to do, poor souls. But there are also people who are purposefully inefficient, or do their work slowly, so they have to stay longer to finish it, and therefore seem harder working because they do overtime! This is a bigger thing with big fancy companies in big cities. Some workers will work well after midnight there....  Obviously, this is not a conductive lifestyle when it comes to dating, marrying, having children and so on. Some men who are married and who have this lifestyle never see their children or wives. They are called absent fathers, and it is enough of a trend that I have read articles in the newspaper about it. (Also, because of the overtime, it is easy for men to have "secret" lifestyles. Some will lie to their wives about doing overtime, but are actually committing adultery, whether with a mistress or a night worker. Also, after-work parties are pretty coming. Often this is contained to only over-eating and over-drinking, but in the olden days (and perhaps still now, who knows) in male-dominated offices they would go to things like strip clubs or so on. Anyway, adultery is not uncommon). The government is trying to prevent this lifestyle, because often time the overtime isn't even necessary, it's just a cultural expectation. My workplace actually has a monthly go-home-on-time-day, which not everyone actually does, but yeah...

 

3. Gender Inequality. There is still this idea permeating around that women should quit their jobs (or only work part-time) after they marry or have children. This is especially true for company jobs. How can a married women with children do overtime? That's not feasible! The expectation that a woman will quit her job is so high, that with companies after a woman reaches a certain age (the marrying age) she will no longer be promoted at work! It is only after she passes the marrying and child-rearing age that she may start getting promotions again. As it is, many big companies don't have a lot of female employees, and if they do, they are either young or not married. A lot of women work in stores or have clerk jobs. Also, the government gives a tax break to families where the mother either doesn't work, or only works part time. So there is that financial advantage as well. Because of this, some women will put off marrying. Marrying and having children, after all, will greatly affect a women's life. Especially if the woman has goals and ambitions. (Note, the government is trying to fix this problem. And there have been some advancements in this area. I think companies are encouraged to have a certain number of female employees. And there has also been work done to encourage women to go into fields where not many women work. Like technical fields, for example. Jobs are extremely, extremely, gendered in Japan. And often you will only see one gender doing one job. I always get a culture shock when I go to another country and there are women flying planes and driving buses.)

 

4. Lack of different gender friendships. Boys and girls aren't really friends in Japan. There is still that gender divide. Therefore, it can be hard to meet someone new. Often people looking to date will attend dating parties. (And LGBT+ is still very much underground. Although it has been improving slightly lately. But many Japanese people will say they have never met an LGBT+ person before).

 

5. Extremely expensive daycare. Daycare is extremely expensive. Having children is extremely expensive. Daycares have waiting list. And there have been so, so many articles in the newspaper about how more childcare workers and nursery school teachers are ABSOLUTELY NEEDED RIGHT NOW! THIS EXACT SECOND! Some people who want to have children might not feel like they have the money. Or maybe they will only have one child instead of two.

 

6. There is absolutely no cultural stigma about abortion. Absolutely none. If you want to have an abortion, just do it. (However, in reverse, the birth control pill does have a negative cultural stigma. It is a slut drug. Birth control measures are the  man's responsibility (he better have a condom!) After all, wearing a condom doesn't negatively effect a drug, but the birth control pill affects a woman's entire body.

 

7. Japan is overcrowded. It is hard to get privacy. This is why Love Hotels exist. But it can be hard sometimes if you are young to find a place to get your sexy on with your significant other.

 

 8. There are plenty of sexy stuff happening. Maybe partnered sex is less than other countries. For the above reasons. But people still get their sexy on. All cities have their red light district. There are also host clubs and costume cafes and all that sexy stuff that you can find if you look for it. Prostitution is sometimes connecting to these sort of things. You can buy porn at the convenience store, and it's not even in a separated section. Just bam, sitting right there.  (And if you live in Japan, unless you live in the boondocks, there are usually multiple convenience stores in walking distance. I have three convenience stores that I can walk to in less than 10 minutes. And I don't live in a major city). While there are plenty of artistic and beautiful animes and manags, there are also plenty of sexy stuff, and even stuff that isn't quite as sexy but has the mandatory fanservice (and it can be quite creepy at times with how it uses underage girls). Sometimes if feels like the creepy pervy older man and the young girl with bouncing boobs has become cultural staples. There is also a slightly perverted nature to how some fans interact with girl idol groups. Girl idols have to remain single in order so their fans can imagine dating them. Famously a few years ago a female idol was found to have a boyfriend, and the backlash was so extreme that she shaved off her head and apologized for it while crying on camera. (Shaving off your head is a very old Japanese Buddhist tradition to appeal for atonement. It is seen as a huge apology). [By the way, I'm not bashing girl idol groups or anything like that. Some of their music is quite catchy. As a woman in her mid-twenties, I feel slightly uncomfortable about it in an older-sister way].

 

9. Most Japanese people are very uneducated about LGBT+, and don't really understand  the terms. For example, it's not uncommon for people to not understand the difference between Gay and Trans. Some people feel because there are many BL mangas and animes, that Japan is very forward thinking when it comes to LGBT+ and that is not the case at all. Those mangas are enjoyed by people in a fantasy way that does not connect to real life. Asexuality is not known of at all.

 

Anyway, I could keep going if I wanted too, but I'll stop here. But I hope by reading this that you understand that Japan is not an Asexual utopia. There are plenty of nice things about Japan (Hot Springs, for example!) and not so great things about Japan. It is not an utopia for asexuals, and not an utopia for anime-lovers either. There are foreigners who come here with unrealistic expectations. Please understand that Japan is a country like everywhere else.

[Stargirl97]

Thanks everyone for your replies!!

 

@Gldlynch @LadyWallflower So basically there’s no hope for aces over there? 😩

[Adachiku]

I wouldn’t say “no hope”. I’ve lived in Japan for two years and made a lot of friends based on shared hobbies (I speak Japanese, shoch made things a lot easier). My impression was that when you look foreign (not Japanese), you can “get away” with a lot of things (unless you’re rude like Logan Paul, obviously) - I know my gay male friends had fun in Japan as well. Sure, I get asked when I will marry and have kids, but when I answer “dunno”, they say “okay” and probably add “well, she’s a foreigner...” in their head.

But I guess it depends on what you want to experience. If you’re looking for meetups that could get tricky...

[Gldlynch]

5 hours ago, Stargirl97 said:

So basically there’s no hope for aces over there? 😩

I wouldn’t say no hope... from roaming the streets of Tokyo, you immediately get the vibe that sex is not a common priority in Japanese society. Sex is still heavily censored, perhaps borderline taboo. I wouldn’t overthink it, the place has so much more to offer

[Stargirl97]

@AdachikuThat’s true. Foreigners can get away with being weird. 😂 I also think Japanese people assume foreigners are raging sexual beings because of the media...

 

@Gldlynch Good point. In America sex is like the number one priority. My ex and I broke up because it was a huge priority for him...

[mnb]

As a female from a western background living in Japan, I find on an everyday basis Japan as a sociality is less focus on sex or sexual media. In the western world we are bombarded with sexy images, media and advertising. In japan, there are kinks and things that the western world would view as weird but thats only because the western world has a very strong view on acceptable sexual activity and communicate that though media and social rules.
Yes, japan may communicate specific gender roles and expectations (work, marriage, children and women) but this is unrelated to sex specifically and I think this is why as a general rule sex, labelling sexuality or lack thereof or even in judging or caring about someones sexual kinks isn't a massive priority to Japanese people.

For example: they like boobs, cool I like avocados. Liking boobs dose not have to be sexual... its because of the western portal of the female body is that boobs always mean sex and liking boobs has to be sexual. People who like boobs or kink for sure exist in the western world the only difference is that they, like everybody else n the western world are bombarded with messages of what is societally acceptable in regards to sexuality and sex, therefore keep it hidden.

Thats why people aboard hear so much about "weird" Japanese "sexual" things, they don't need to hide it to the same extent and I think if you feel discomfort about hearing those things is more of a reflection of the messages you have absorbed in the western world than it does of the people with those kinks.

 

Anyway this is just my interpretation of what I have seen living in japan the last 4 years and I am am not at all speaking for anyone else.
 

[Soul Searcher]

On 2/23/2018 at 7:32 AM, Zatarra said:

I have never been to Japan, however I did spend 8 years abroad and my school there was predominantly South/S.E Asian:

my classmates were from India, Nepal, China, Thailand, Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam,etc 

 

Not to make any broad sweeping or stereotypical comments - just going from my own experience with their cultures: Sex seems to be a rather "taboo" topic. It is not nearly as discussed as here in the West. I was quite comfortable as an aro-ace (even thought I did not know the term existed at the time) while I was there. 

If anything the REAL culture shock to me was moving back to the States after my dad's job contract ended abroad. I did not fit in with my 'new' classmates here and the hypersexuality and obscenity really threw me off. The other thing I noticed was an absence of any real "violent" homophobia that we see here. Sure there were some very flamboyant kids and there was some 'teasing' but it was all harmless and never mean spirited. Thai culture particularly stood out to me as VERY tolerant. One of the reasons I really have my heart set on moving to Thailand or Nepal or India..any of them would do compared to being stuck here. Part of has to do with the influence of religion in those places... you dont have those puritan or Judeo-Christan (not ragging on those faiths, I come from them as well...) however with Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism there is at least a more live and let live approach to life as far as gender conformity and orientations.

 

If things are still as I remember you will find politeness, common courtesy and respect to be the norm. I am assuming your going there from the "west" - and that is where it gets a little interesting. See here in the hypersexual west you may be more acutely aware of how your aceness sets you apart -- there your aceness will blend it in better with the culture to where you wont have to be on the defensive as I have experienced since moving back here. 

I don't know what's it's like in the West but here in India the only sex related thing i ever heard publically is when they were first re-crininalizing and then de-criminalizing homosexuality last year. Apart from that zero. 

 

Yeah, my friends do talk about crushes and love interests but never sex. There are some people who talk about such stuffs but they are considered vulgar and obscence. 

 

I think it's not just India but most of the Asian culture. I wonder what happened that set up apart from the West? 

 

Homophobia exists everywhere but it's not that visible here. I think people don't care if somebody loves same-sex unless it's directly affecting them. 

But the main thing is that for such a vastly populated country like ours, there are more pressuring matters than sexuality. 

 

And yeah, here asexuality is considered to be pure, i think. Nobody wants or needs to know who is having/ not having sex with whom. 

 

At far as I am correct, even if i come out to the whole country I possibly will not be judged for not having sex(but that's a wishful thinking I guess).

[Leopard]

Depends what you really mean asexual, I think many people, at least with guys, there are those who would rather engage in a fantasy than get rejected by women or have to make commitments that trap them. I wouldn't really call that asexual myself. 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Leopard

[007700]

Way different from the western world.

All I can say.

Japan is all about rules and taboos.

Very much a patriarchal society.

 

People here, are very shut-in and inward turning, or focused more on internal thoughts, keeping most of the things to themselves so you can never guess what they are really thinking.

 

The way they make love is also very different. Unimaginative and prosaic to say the least. Main reason behind this is again historically interwoven in the fine threads of the Japanese society.

 Females are usually (put) in a submissive position and are thought to let male partners do whatever they wish.

It is not strange for the ladies here to also wake up before men, after having spent the night in a Love Hotel, and re-do their entire make-up, so that they look presentable to men in the morning as well.

 

On another note,

For most girls here the ideal gaikokujin (foreigner) is stereotypically: tall, blonde (light hair) blue/green eyed.

Light brown/ blondish hair is non existent in Japan that’s exactly why it is in a high-demand.

If you are not matching these specs than your chances are automatically lower.

 

But the biggest downer is most def- not speaking any Japanese. That’s like 90% less chance overall.

even for Tinder as most of the Japanese Tinder users can’t really use English.

 

Most of the people you meet in the streets are NOT SPEAKING a word of English, and even if they do they are too embarrassed to use it in the middle of a busy area.

 

One thing is also very disappointing, almost any Japanese girl/lady who spends more than a few months abroad changes her ways and life perspective a lot.

In my experience and because I have witnessed that many times,

such females consequently stop dating Japanese men and became foreigner-crazed, which is a huge transformation from a complete shyness to a borderline promiscuous behavior (in some cases).

 

I am however talking about my experiences, and as I’ve been living in Osaka (the city for which they claim to be much more relaxed and less uptight than Tokyo) for the last 2 years I have to say that it wasn’t really a rewarding experience.

 

My best advice considering the ask you made before,

would be not to waste time trying to reconcile cultural differences (simply because it is a bridge too far)

You should go directly to red districts for a true and efficient experience, prices do vary, but YOLO.

 

As my dear old friend John said:

’Japan is the greatest country in the world to visit for any member of a western civilization, but living in Japan is more often so a negative than a positive experience”

 

good luck and hope this helps

[comreaf]

On 2/23/2018 at 7:32 AM, Zatarra said:

I have never been to Japan, however I did spend 8 years abroad and my school there was predominantly South/S.E Asian:

my classmates were from India, Nepal, China, Thailand, Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam,etc 

 

Not to make any broad sweeping or stereotypical comments - just going from my own experience with their cultures: Sex seems to be a rather "taboo" topic. It is not nearly as discussed as here in the West. I was quite comfortable as an aro-ace (even thought I did not know the term existed at the time) while I was there. 

If anything the REAL culture shock to me was moving back to the States after my dad's job contract ended abroad. I did not fit in with my 'new' classmates here and the hypersexuality and obscenity really threw me off. The other thing I noticed was an absence of any real "violent" homophobia that we see here. Sure there were some very flamboyant kids and there was some 'teasing' but it was all harmless and never mean spirited. Thai culture particularly stood out to me as VERY tolerant. One of the reasons I really have my heart set on moving to Thailand or Nepal or India..any of them would do compared to being stuck here. Part of has to do with the influence of religion in those places... you dont have those puritan or Judeo-Christan (not ragging on those faiths, I come from them as well...) however with Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism there is at least a more live and let live approach to life as far as gender conformity and orientations.

 

If things are still as I remember you will find politeness, common courtesy and respect to be the norm. I am assuming your going there from the "west" - and that is where it gets a little interesting. See here in the hypersexual west you may be more acutely aware of how your aceness sets you apart -- there your aceness will blend it in better with the culture to where you wnt have to be on the defensive as I have experienced since moving back here. 

 

On 2/23/2018 at 7:32 AM, Zatarra said:

I have never been to Japan, however I did spend 8 years abroad and my school there was predominantly South/S.E Asian:

my classmates were from India, Nepal, China, Thailand, Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam,etc 

 

Not to make any broad sweeping or stereotypical comments - just going from my own experience with their cultures: Sex seems to be a rather "taboo" topic. It is not nearly as discussed as here in the West. I was quite comfortable as an aro-ace (even thought I did not know the term existed at the time) while I was there. 

If anything the REAL culture shock to me was moving back to the States after my dad's job contract ended abroad. I did not fit in with my 'new' classmates here and the hypersexuality and obscenity really threw me off. The other thing I noticed was an absence of any real "violent" homophobia that we see here. Sure there were some very flamboyant kids and there was some 'teasing' but it was all harmless and never mean spirited. Thai culture particularly stood out to me as VERY tolerant. One of the reasons I really have my heart set on moving to Thailand or Nepal or India..any of them would do compared to being stuck here. Part of has to do with the influence of religion in those places... you dont have those puritan or Judeo-Christan (not ragging on those faiths, I come from them as well...) however with Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism there is at least a more live and let live approach to life as far as gender conformity and orientations.

 

If things are still as I remember you will find politeness, common courtesy and respect to be the norm. I am assuming your going there from the "west" - and that is where it gets a little interesting. See here in the hypersexual west you may be more acutely aware of how your aceness sets you apart -- there your aceness will blend it in better with the culture to where you wont have to be on the defensive as I have experienced since moving back here. 

As an Indian and as a ace  i can say that sex is not a taboo in dharmic religions it's the opposite sex is even in religious scriptures to work with most ancient scriptures contain sex scenes

The only reason we became conservative was because of muslim rule and British occupation

Sex is not uncommon to talk about

I personally talk about it with my friends 

Sure i do limited talking only .......

And they keep asking about porn stars that i don't even know about

I mean they literally ask questions like

"How many times you mastrubate"?

"What's your crush"?

"How much porn you watch "?

Like this shit i at first told them I don't mastrubate and neither i watch porn after saying it they are started looking at me with weird faces

Anyway most didn't took me seriously and thought i was just feeling ashamed to talk about it 

I kept telling them this was not the case

At the end of the day i just ( lied ) that I do watch porn and mastrubate

They don't know what asexuality is and it's better they don't find out i am asexual