arekathevampyre Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Has any Aromantics here face any problems on a day to day basis ? For me , I kept getting misunderstood that I am jealous of my (rl) sis having a boyfriend , when I clearly don't get how romo stuff work . Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Moved from Off-A to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations Lia Off-A Mod Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Only problem I face is annoying questions asked. "How are you still single? You're too pretty!" "Why haven't you been in any relationships?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend? Are you into women?" "I feel sorry for you that you're single" Why feel sorry for me? I like not being commited to one person. It allows me to spend more time working on musicy stuff, and going out with friends instead of feeling obligated to go out with that "special someone" Another problem... also involving annoying questions... but of a different type Truth or dare. Nearly every fricking "truth" is "who do you like? Who's your crush? What hot boys do you want to make out with?" Ugh so boring. And some dares are like, "I dare you to talk to your crush" "The crush I don't have?" Link to post Share on other sites
ReyGraves Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 11 minutes ago, StormySky said: Truth or dare. Nearly every fricking "truth" is "who do you like? Who's your crush? What hot boys do you want to make out with?" Oh my god I frickin’ HATED that question. I’m soooo glad my friends and I grew out of that. When we ask about crushes now it’s not in such a...childish(?) way. Idk how to really say that. But to add on the OP, it’s getting annoying that my partner (queerplatontic) and I are constantly asked if we’re dating (this one guy asked three different times!!) Like, can I not have a close friendship without it being romantic? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 15 minutes ago, StormySky said: Why feel sorry for me? I like not being commited to one person. It allows me to spend more time working on musicy stuff, and going out with friends instead of feeling obligated to go out with that "special someone" This.☝👍 that's what I like about being single! I have time for myself, not feeling obligated to go out with some one!😑 It's good for me not to have that pressure! 17 minutes ago, StormySky said: Only problem I face is annoying questions asked. "How are you still single? You're too pretty!" "Why haven't you been in any relationships?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend? Are you into women?" "I feel sorry for you that you're single" Same here! I get almost the exact same questions! It's very annoying! Those questions are too intrusive! I usually tell people to back off.😑 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 People thinking there is something wrong with you because you're single. (Conveniently forgetting all of the people who manage to be in relationships that actually do have something really wrong with them.) Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 3 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said: People thinking there is something wrong with you because you're single. I know, right? I really wish people would be less nosy about your life decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Just now, StormySky said: I know, right? I really wish people would be less nosy about your life decisions. yeah and I would rather just stay single because I am really not cut out for those stuff . Anyone's with me ? Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I usually share my life goals. "I have a lot of things on my bucket list. I fall in love with beautiful places, not beautiful people. I want to work on music without some overattatched significant other begging for me to write a song about them. I gotta get good grades and get into this amazing college with a good music program, as well as make friends with the same passion." And Ihate this response "Good to keep dreamin before you meet the right person and settle down" Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 4 minutes ago, arekathevampyre said: yeah and I would rather just stay single because I am really not cut out for those stuff . Anyone's with me ? Haha yes! I'm bad at commitment and I'm a reckless goofball once you get to know me. I hate "romantic candlelit" stuff and I dislike how in every movie the main characters always smooch it out with the cinematic frickin soundtrack. I have to run free and feel the wind on my face. I sing my own songs and I don't need no sucker to serenade me. Also, most guys who "like" me who try to be romantic end up seeming really fake and douchey. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 My parents believe I have like... a vendetta against dating or "giving someone a chance." No, I'm fine with dating. I love it when my friends have good dates! Find someone I like and sure, I'll date them. The point is that the attraction and desire isn't there. I've never liked anyone. Since I've never liked anyone, I've never dated. Seems to make sense to me... Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 4 minutes ago, StormySky said: Haha yes! I'm bad at commitment and I'm a reckless goofball once you get to know me. I hate "romantic candlelit" stuff and I dislike how in every movie the main characters always smooch it out with the cinematic frickin soundtrack. I have to run free and feel the wind on my face. I sing my own songs and I don't need no sucker to serenade me. Also, most guys who "like" me who try to be romantic end up seeming really fake and douchey. Awesome !! hahaha same here lol I am glad no one actually tell me they like me (romantically) - I would be mortified !! Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 5 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: The point is that the attraction and desire isn't there. I've never liked anyone. Since I've never liked anyone, I've never dated. Same here !! Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 My problems stem from the fact that I’m aromantic and I’m kinda negative sometimes. Like, people think I’m just being cynical when I say stuff like, “I pretty much have a 0% chance of getting married,” or “The moment you hear about me getting into a relationship with someone, you should prepare for Ragnarok cause something is seriously amiss with the world.” The few times I was coerced into playing ToD, people just thought I was being a downer on purpose even though I just told the truth or it was physically impossible for me to perform the dare (I can’t do anything to a crush if I don’t have one 🙄). So, it’s like being Cassandra Truth where my depressing-sounding statements are literally just factual statements but everyone thinks I’m just being a pessimist. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 19 minutes ago, StormySky said: I usually share my life goals. "I have a lot of things on my bucket list. I fall in love with beautiful places, not beautiful people. I want to work on music without some overattatched significant other begging for me to write a song about them. I gotta get good grades and get into this amazing college with a good music program, as well as make friends with the same passion." And Ihate this response "Good to keep dreamin before you meet the right person and settle down" I. ALSO. HATE. THIS. I fell in love with the idea of concert production in middle school when I went to my first concert: the staging, the lights, the audio systems, everything. I wanted to know how it all worked individually and how it all worked together. I got myself into the best music program and was out working on tours before I even graduated. The "settling down" questions are what makes me so averse to even picking a venue and staying there to work long term because NO, let me go out and experience and master this. For some life might seem long, but I'm not sure if however many decades I hopefully have left is enough time for me to absorb all of this knowledge. Luckily most of the people I've met on tour don't have dating on the agenda anyway because we all agree the feeling of doing this work is much more rewarding. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 25 minutes ago, StormySky said: And Ihate this response "Good to keep dreamin before you meet the right person and settle down" What a weird thing to say. That sounds discouraging to me. They probably say that because they chose to prioritize a relationship over everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 26 minutes ago, StormySky said: Also, most guys who "like" me who try to be romantic end up seeming really fake and douchey. Same 8 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: I. ALSO. HATE. THIS. I will third that point. I get so many suggestive comments like "soooo what are you doing now?" *wink wink* Well I work full time, I am a club sponsor, I am a teacher in America (not an easy thing right now), I'm working on my doctorate, I travel the world, etc. etc. etc.... apparently those are not as good <.< Link to post Share on other sites
Topi Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 When your friends are all sad that they can't get a boyfriend and you just say "I will be forever alone." and they think you are joking and get mad at you. Start screaming that you are stupid and that there are a lot of guy out and I shouldn't give up. It's not that I gave up, I just can't find a reason for me to be with someone or someone that makes me want to be in a relationship. If same day that happens and I find someone, I will try the whole relationship stuff, but at this moment it doesn't seem anything that I should try. I have better interests. When you tell people that you never dated, had a boyfriend or sex and they get super confused and don't believe you. Then try to get you in dates and in a physical relationship. You always find a way to dudge their advances, though. The whole truth or dare game when the dares were " Kiss X or kiss Y" and you are like, but I don't want to kiss anyone... "Don't you like them?" "I do, but not enough to kiss them..." "Well you have to!" But...but... "Kiss both if you can't decide!" fine, a kiss in the cheek to both *blushes like crazy and wants to run away, but can't* When couples fight and they go like, "never let your boyfriend do this to you" "You now are against me? Just wait when you are in my situation!!" (I don't want to be in your situation and even if I get in a relationship, I will end it before that stage happens. Also why a boyfriend!! WHY DOES EVERYONE ASSUMES I'M STRAIGHT??? *I scream this in my brain every single time*) Anyways, I don't identify as aromantic, but have lived all my life as one. Since I never found someone that made me feel like I wanted to be in a relationship or in love. Only strong platonic love, that's the only kind for me until now. Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Actually, I think it is a blessing being aromantic and knowing about it. It diminishes a lot of internal strife. I wish I knew I was aromantic and asexual in my 20's instead of when I turned 50. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 @Muledeer It's never too late Link to post Share on other sites
Seadra Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 there's negatives and positives to everything. in societies eyes you may be viewed as something negative only, you may be viewed as abnormal and just weird for being different. yet, at the same time, becoming different is beautiful. yes, there's bad types of different that can hurt people and others, but if your different isn't negative, and if your different is so positive, bright and beautiful, let yourself shine in your own unique colors. there's nothing wrong with being different, when people judge, they make different seem bad for you, when in reality, it's your own choice, decision, and life. sometimes you can't control you're different, sometimes you can. there's loads of hardships to overcome in acceptance of one's self. but, at times, we don't need to overcome those hardships, but make the best out of those situations and become who we want to become. we deserve to live happily, if that is with a partner, you definitely can. if it's without a partner, you can. there's different types of love out there. if you're complete, content, and just going your own path, your own way, and just living your own independent and happy life, and not needing nor wanting a romantic and/or sexual partner, you can have that. sometimes it's not even in your control, and that's completely fine as well, you get to decide what makes you happy, you get to create your own unique perspectives, mentalities and thoughts. you get to become yourself, no one else should decide how you need to live or how they want you to live, because in the end of it all, this is your own life. you're the owner of yourself, you're the owner of your own self development, growth and just becoming you. society will try to ridicule and tell you what's right from wrong, but if you're not harming anything nor anyone, you can do whatever you'd like to do. there's no right or wrong, sometimes yes there's rules enforced for right and wrong, but in other situations, individual choices, there's no right or wrong, people will try to control and make your life perfect, because they think they're helping or aiding you, in which their intention may be positive or negative, but they're doing it in the wrong way. approach the situation with a calm and collected mind. be responsible, be thoughtful and accepting of every single opinion, thought and view, but don't let those control or manipulate yourself in a negative way, instead see that all lives and people are different and that's okay. as long as we're happy with what we're doing we can do whatever we want to do. take these situations and make the best out of them, improve, grow, learn and develop for yourself, you can prove the world wrong if you want, but you can always just go your own way, your own path, and create who you want to be. becoming the best of you, not for anyone else, but for yourself. becoming you because you want to do so. living your own life freely, because you want to do so. doing what makes you happy, because you deserve your own unique types of love, support and respect. we're humans, we're different in the most beautiful and gorgeous ways at times. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 @Seadra I love your post !! 😍 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenAce Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 My only problem would be that I'm attracted to some of my friends platonicly- I have squishes, but they think that I want something else (romantic relationship). Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 1 hour ago, Galactic Turtle said: I. ALSO. HATE. THIS. I fell in love with the idea of concert production in middle school when I went to my first concert: the staging, the lights, the audio systems, everything. I wanted to know how it all worked individually and how it all worked together. I got myself into the best music program and was out working on tours before I even graduated. The "settling down" questions are what makes me so averse to even picking a venue and staying there to work long term because NO, let me go out and experience and master this. For some life might seem long, but I'm not sure if however many decades I hopefully have left is enough time for me to absorb all of this knowledge. Luckily most of the people I've met on tour don't have dating on the agenda anyway because we all agree the feeling of doing this work is much more rewarding. Tech theater? Nice!! So many choir kids do tech and it's always so fun to see what's happening behind the scenes. The acting stuff is great, but no play or musical is fabulous without the people who do lighting, staging, mics, speakers... A similar idea caused me to be fascinated in music production... and here I am knowing I could be forever happy pursuing music love, not dating love. I'm glad you're going on tour!! Music is the greatest way to get to go places during high school. It's sad that people think settling down should be a priority when there are arts to master and places to go. Link to post Share on other sites
quietcrayon Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 People being unable to accept that the people I hang out with are my friends and not any sort of romantic partner. People thinking they can fix me or "will wait until I change" Close friends wanting to be more physically affectionate but end of disappointed because I'm touch adverse Coming out to people and getting "OMG I TOTALLY GET THAT, MY BOYFRIENDS ARE LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS TO ME" (I don't know if thats a common experience, but much too many times have I had people tell me "Well, romantic partners are just like friends", and occasionally getting "I value friendships a lot too, I must be aro") People thinking you've just "given up" on dating Link to post Share on other sites
Tintinfan Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Teachers in foreign languages lessons : 'Now let's write about our ideal partner' Me: writes about how I want to travel the world with a cat and maybe be a great aunt Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 The only problem I've ever had is that people won't stop bugging me about this. Everyone wants you to date and when you say no for whatever reason they act like something is really wrong with you. "You just haven't found the right person" "Get over your ex already, it's been <fill in the blank> years" "You need to see a therapist, this is not normal" "You're going to end up lonely and miserable" "I just want you to be happy" (hint: being in a relationship doesn't make me happy! It makes me miserable.) Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 On 2/23/2018 at 2:23 AM, Tintinfan said: Teachers in foreign languages lessons : 'Now let's write about our ideal partner' Seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
Tintinfan Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 10 minutes ago, helana12_03 said: Seriously? Oh yes. It was part of a controlled assessment that counted towards my exam. Sigh.... Why not an ideal friend? Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, Tintinfan said: Oh yes. It was part of a controlled assessment that counted towards my exam. Sigh.... Why not an ideal friend? I'm sorry you had to go through this. Did your teacher or prof accept your essay? Link to post Share on other sites
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