Aromantic but want a relationship...

[arikenobi]

I've always identified as aromantic asexual. It was pretty easy for me to figure it out once I realized there was a name for it and a whole community (that's been wonderful!). I know I've never felt romantic or sexual attraction to someone. I've had two "relationships" in the past but I wouldn't even call them that... it was more me forcing myself into doing what everyone else was doing. I liked them as people and they were attractive but a romantic relationship was not for me; I couldn't even bring myself to kiss them. For years now I've been completely fine living my life not being a relationship; I never desired it. But now, I'm having adverse thoughts.

 

For some reason, lately I've been wanting to be in a relationship. I desire that romantic aspect of life; having a crush, spending time with them, cuddling, kissing, etc. The thought of spending my life with someone sounds great now (I used to feel the complete opposite). I have no idea why these feelings are coming to me now, though. It's not like anything has happened. I guess what I'm saying is that it's bringing me distress knowing that don't have the ability to feel romantic attraction to other people. It's like I accept my asexuality, but not my aromanticism. 

 

It's like I'm back to when I was younger, feeling as if there is something wrong me. I know that's a horrible way to think, but it's what I feel. Idk. Part of me is really wishing I wasn't aromantic.

I feel like a completely different person! agh

 

My question is: Do any aromantics here feel the same way? I know some desire a romantic relationship, but... what do you do? 

 

 

[OperationalWolf]

Hai there!

 

Well, when the idea of "Oh I don't wanna have a relationship, because I am Aromantic / Asexual." etc. Pops into our heads as our idea and way to be that way, but over time -- our aspects of ourselves change. Our opinions and(or) ideas change overtime by our age, like for instance; I have an opinion to hate drink beer at the age of 13, but I overcome that idea to "hate it" and peek out of curiosity to try it out and resulting in me liking beer. (I am 16, so I don't drink lol).

 

Even I had some troubles trying to coup being Aromantic / Asexual, because it's how I was and wanted to be; but overtime, I realise that you can't really suppress things that you want to do, and by doing that, you're making yourself either happy as possible or suppressing the happiness inside you.

 

So yeah, all in all, here's my idea: "Don't follow what represents you, follow what you think is best for you."

 

And welcome to the Website

 

- OperationalWolf.

[scarletlatitude]

Same

 

I mostly sit around making strange faces when people talk about romantic bs 

[plasticapollos]

I totally get it! I came to the conclusion in the same way that I can love a dog to death, and a dog can love me back- is probably the same way I can have a relationship with a person and them with me. 

I mean, I would do ANYTHING for my dogs, and I love buying things for them, and think about them all the time. Hell, I cuddle with them, talk to them, and take them with me everywhere when I can. But ofcourse "romanticism" isn't there.

So if that kind of love is possible in this case, it's possible AND ABSOLUTELY OKAY to want with another person. :3 
I mean, half the time, I'm just looking for someone, friends even, who aren't just kind of.. boring. In a way, Being sexual, and romantic ties people down and makes them care about dumb things. It's easier for us to see what's really important, I think.

But yeah, I know how you feel, I'm so sorry, GOOD LUCK YO

[Jea]

My case is a little similar I think.

I also identify as aromantic asexual, but for some reason, I found myself wishing that I wasn't aromantic lately. It's also very recent, I think for me it came from reading femslash (up to then, I read mainly straight fanfiction, simply because my otp is a straight couple). After reading a lot from the point of view of a character who loved another, I've felt some weird attraction towards that other character, and then the actress who plays her in the movies in general -- even in other movies, it's a bit creepy. It's not really attraction, I don't think I have any romantic feelings at all, it feels a little like what straight girls call a girl crush. I do wish I would have the opportunity to kiss her just to know what it's like, but I don't even really like her... Like I said, confusing

 

But it gave me a glimpse of what I'm missing and I wish I was capable of romantic feelings so I could be in a romantic relationship. My experience seems to be different from yours insofar as I don't feel like something is wrong with me. I know I'm aro and I'll probably stay aro, I totally accept that part of me. It's just, I feel I'm missing something. I'm not making much of a fuss around it though, I think whatever this feeling becomes, it'll either lead me to pursue a romantic or queerplatonic relationship, or it'll fade with the next squish I get.

 

So, that's my experience, I hope that helped

[TheNerdyOne]

Hey! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Love/companionship/whatever you want to call it come in different forms - what you want out of a relationship is no less legitimate than a romantic.

I'm hella heteromantic, but I do feel you. And from some front row observation of my brother's current relationship, sometimes my romantic desires shrivel and I question the extent of my romantic nature. Don't get me wrong, they're in a good relationship. But they're almost always touching each other, always in each other's space when they're around each other. If I were in a relationship like that, I think I'd be gasping for air.

When it comes down to it, it's really all about knowing what you're comfortable with and what you want.