So I finally came out to my family and...

[Clane]

(Sorry not sure where to post this.)

 

I have always been the quiet one, I keep everything close to my chest and never ever rock the boat. The walls are up and I keep everything that is 'me' contained in this tiny little box, so that no one has to worry about me and I don't cause any problems for anyone else.

 

That being said I recently came out to my family and at first they were super supportive and everything, they listened and asked questions and said they would stay by my side not matter what, they just wanted me to be happy.

 

Jump to a week later and I've started to notice moments. When ever I bring up the subject, they give me this look and are questioning me like they don't believe me. I try to move the process on because I feel good and free about the whole thing but then they reluctantly agree with me. I gave them information to better explain how I'm feeling and they argue that it doesn't fit with me and how I was growing up.

 

A part of me is wondering.... Should I stop mentioning it.... Should I slowly crawl back into that dark lonely closet and accept that I will be stuck that way for the rest of my life. (I gotta be honest.... I'm not sure how long my life would be if I did this, some dark thoughts have popped into my head a few times and right now, its scary because I don't have anything else to lose, they seem like an actually possibility.)

 

Advice please if you can give it but if not that's okay.... I need to get these thoughts/feelings out there in the world ;'( 

[Andiamo]

It can be really, really hard when you don't have your family's support, and I'm so sorry that they have been acting the way that they have. Unfortunately, a lot of people get similar responses. Asexuality is not nearly as widely known or commonly accepted as many other sexual orientations, so a lot of people doubt it exists. This does not make it any less real. This does not make your identity any less valid. 

 

Not knowing your exact situation, I don't know how useful any advice that I could give would be. If they don't believe that asexuality is real, there is a lot of stuff you could find in the World Watch section of the forums that you could possibly show them to help validate the identity in their eyes. You could also potentially show them videos from ace YouTubers, or something like that. If it's just you personally that they don't believe, that's definitely something that I've heard before. It could help to remind them that you grew up in a culture that isn't super ace-friendly. It basically forces everyone to be sexual, encouraging it from a young age without giving a lot of proper education. Even friends might look at you weird if you don't try to fit in with their sexual beliefs. So a lot of asexual people try to force themselves to act "normal" in the eyes of those around them. It's entirely possible that you didn't "act asexual" (whatever that's supposed to mean) because you felt like you couldn't. 

 

Again, I don't know how much of this is actually useful for or applicable to you. Hopefully some of it helps. Even if it doesn't, know that you have my support, and the support of others on AVEN. I wish you the best of luck in everything.

[ecogirl92]

Congrats on taking such an important step and at the same time sorry for rocky support your receiving from them.

 

I understand how you feel. I was always someone who didn't want to rock the boat. I was quiet, self-conscious and never really spoke my own opinions. It was isolating in a lot of ways. But a couple years back I also started to believe that if being who I am has to sometimes rock the boat than so be it. It wasn't worth making myself miserable. (I can tell you that getting a sleeve tattoo definitely made some waves in my family.)

 

I have had similar experiences with my family. My friends not so much, my nick name in high school was 'asexual tree' and that was way before I knew about asexuality. But when I discovered asexuality and started mentioning it to my family, one response in particular that I got from my brother was that I just hadn't figured out if I liked guys or girls yet and I should just start experimenting. My family, by and large, is a very conservative christian family (with a couple atheists thrown in) and they are more open to the idea of me being a lesbian than asexual. I'm still pretty sure my mother is secretly waiting for me to bring a girl home.

 

Initially it bothered me. Not being believed, and I know that's happened with a lot of asexuals. But eventually, I came to the conclusion that I believe me. I don't need validation from them. If they are waiting for me to come out and be a lesbian or to discover that I do have a sexual orientation, well they can keep waiting. 

 

I don't know if any of this helps but I just wanted you to know there are other's going through similar situations and your not alone.

[Grumpy Alien]

Give them time. Don’t be anyone but yourself but maybe just casually mention it once in a while until you think they’re used to it. Ask if they have questions when the moment is right. It may be that they’re just confused or shocked. They probably wouldn’t show support initially unless they intended to.

[Laplace]

I keep a lot to myself as well, and I’m only out to my brother and mom. My brother is really chill and understands, but my mom is still kinda pushing me to be with someone. Even though my dad is usually understanding, he’s not very flexible because of some of his religious beliefs so I choose not to tell him. Sometimes, people are set in their ways, and if they don’t want to see things your way, they won’t. But, as my brother shows, there are family members who will hopefully understand.

 

Also, just as a friendly suggestion, if you’re having constantly negative thoughts or your mind is wandering to dark places frequently, consider seeing someone in case you are depressed. It’s really important to halt that downward spiral before it prevents you from seeking help if you need it.