Getting over a crush

[Historical Cinema]

I was wondering if anyone had any experience with getting over a crush and how they were able to do it?

 

This is a bit different though, I had a crush on him for 3 and a half years. The problem was during those years I absolutely admired and adored him but he was extremely emotionally abusive. He called me useless, worthless and constantly told me to leave if I was going to be of no help. Whenever we were working on things like projects and I tried to give an idea he would say I was incapable or incompetent. If I did try to leave he would stop me and tell me that I was important, needed, and comforted me until I would stay. 

 

Today I saw a picture of him, it was like I was back there again completely adoring of him, and it scared me. I do not want to end up in the same position that I was in before with him or anyone else. I am working too fucking hard to fall back down that cliff again. I'm especially worried because Im probably going to be seeing him within the next few months. 

 

If you have any advice for getting over a crush I would really appreciate it, thank you. 

Also sorry for the oversharing, I'm hoping that by writing it down it will help me sort it out.

[Philip027]

Dunno what to suggest in your case.  My crushes never really go away so it would be inaccurate to say that I've "gotten over" them, but any of them ever treating me and jerking me around the way yours did would be a surefire way for me to just 300% drop them and never look back.

[Falcon7]

Well, remember who you are, and just don't allured by the sweet comfort. If he really values you, he wouldn't say such insults and damn words at the first place. 

 

'Be independent' is what I say to myself when the lost, old friendship came back in my mind. I think there were many good things that thiss friendship brought me but when this person challenged and denied my identity (Ace, Agender, Aro) and cut off because of that, I realised they didn't value me as an independednt individual. 

 

You should value yourself ,really. And stand firm and you will be fine.

[ben8884]

I am getting over someone and honestly the only thing that has helped is a complete avoidance. I don't talk to her, message her I don't look at pictures or her or read old messages. It sucks but for me its been the only way. The fact that this guy is abusive is double the reason to drop him in my opinion. Also remember that you're great.

[confused lil bee]

If possible for sure avoid him. Block him/unfollow him on social media and avoid irl, again, if possible. He sounds like a jerk. 

 

If you can't physically avoid him I'd suggest reminding yourself why you guys would not work, bringing his shortcomings into the forefront and not excusing his shitty past behaviour to you. Essentially try and talk yourself out of it. 

 

Also I've found that putting your energy into other friendships/relationships that are healthy and supportive is really helpful. It eaves no time for the unwanted crush.

[words are futile devices]

I loved this one person for several years, though we never became romantically involved. There were feelings on both ends, but timing and other circumstances prevented us from ever getting together. My feelings for him were very, very strong, and when he eventually began dating someone else, I was heartbroken. It took me over a year to fully consider myself over him, to the point that thinking about him or hearing his name no longer made me ache inside. Personally, I think all you can really do is suffer through the pain for a while. It helped me to delete all of our texts so I wouldn't be tempted to read back through them and reopen the wound. I cut off contact with him completely, unfriended him on Facebook, and just tried to stay distracted by day-to-day life. It sucked, yeah. But eventually they do begin to fade from your mind. 

 

And like others have said, remember who you are and your own worth. Remember the ways he treated you badly and belittled you as a person. You deserve so much better than that. 

[purpleandgreylife]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The way he treated you was not right. It was, as you said, abusive. 

 

I understand from an intellectual viewpoint, that it may be tempting to focus on the good parts and overlook the rest. But the rest is important because you did not deserve to be treated that way.

 

Also, it sounds like he knew you had a crush on him and took advantage of your feelings for him, for his own gain.

 

I can't tell you how to get over that kind of crush, but I think you should check out this article from Psychology Toay on getting over an emtionally abusive relationship. It might help you, it might help you to help someone else, or not. However, I think they offer some good insight as well as advice on how to get over an emotionaly abusive relationship.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201611/getting-over-abusive-ex

 

It's up to you if you want to check it out or not. I hope this helps in answering your question.