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mackat5

mildly irritating

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mackat5

I work in homes for elderly/disabled. One of my clients today(elderly) asked me to clean up some dead foliage around some of her plants, and said that she would "Dance at my wedding," if I took care of the plants today. I started to tell her that it would never happen and why, but before I could get all of the words out, she started with a story about a lady that she knew who married at the age of 69, still a virgin when she married. I finally did get a word in edgewise and told her that any marriage woud not survive me. Figured it would not serve any purpose at that point to tell her that I was asexual. She had her mind made up that folks should get married.

Just mildly irritating, the way folks won't listen! Oh well, not worth wrrying about.

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FelineFanatic

Please do not bee too irritated with her. The elderly often do not have much contact from family and friends when they are in homes. They tend to lose touch with today's reality and live in a world where their reality is as it was when they were young. She meant no harm by her ramblings and probably would not have understood asexuality had you explained. The irony of it all is that she in a way is probably asexual now, too. :)

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Ineptitude

Maybe you can get her to dance at your birthday party instead. Married or not, everyone has birthdays. :wink:

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cijay

Basically yeah, they won't listen. Anyway, I don't know that it's any client's business that you're asexual is it?

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mackat5

May not be any business of hers, but I've been soooo open about it that I will tell people if the subject comes up in conversation. No hesitation at all! And if you're talking about marriage, that's part of the conversation. Having said that, most of my clients wouldn't get it because asexuality is not in their experience. Most don't even know what it is. That's why I backed off after she made that comment about the 69 year old lady marrying.

I did have to get it out, and I knew the best place to go! Folks here understand!! :D

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mouth brooder

I do understand. I often feel like just walking out into the parking lot and screaming I am asexual dammit!

Aven is both part of my problem and solution, because this place gave me confirmation and continues to give me validation.

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cijay

I always get the same when people go on about my not havig children. I said I don't want them and they always say "Oh I know someone who said that and all of a sudden at age 45/50...(it has to keep getting older and older because so do I LOL) just like you and then she had a baby! So it can happen to you."

Inside my head: "Wow, after having a hysterectomy like me? After not having sex like me?"

Outside my mouth : "Interesting, mmmm, I don't think so."

I'm looking forward to my brother's 25th anniv. All of the people who gushed at his wedding "when is it your turn?" and I said "it's not going to be" and they all gave these little condescending cheek pinches, "oh, it'll hit when you least expect it" or "dont worry, you'll meet him."

Inside my head "Well, HE would be a HER and I haven't met HER yet."

Outside my mouth "I'll be saying the same thing at Jimmy's 25th anniversary."

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Islander9

One of the things I have found truly fascinating about both

*getting older

*publically proclaiming I was a natural neuter/asexual 22 years ago

is

all the older women (they were & are all women) *stopped* saying

*You'll meet Mr Right when you least expect him

and have opted for

*Silence/shifty eyes/or'Can you give me a good recipe for..."*

*I'm good with food & cooking!

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Calla_Lily

i've gotten my share of the comments about not having kids and finding "the one" too. it's hard to know how to respond. i have found one response that seems to stop the awkward conversation in its tracks, maybe it will help someone else: when the topic goes to..."ohhh one day you'll want kids!" (marriage or fill in the blank with any annoying topic of your choice), i reply:

"oh, well YOU would know better than I do, what I want out of life."[/u]

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Blitzentan

I suppose I have a good excuse. When people ask me why I didn't get married again after my divource I just toss off 'Tried it once, didn't like it, never want to go there again!' :wink: Though I still get the odd 'You haven't met the right one yet' Yeh, well he hasn't been born yet!

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Rabger

Keep in mind that asexuals can still get married and have happy, successful relationships. If they happen to be romantic, that is. Simply being asexual does not make marriage an impossibility.

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cijay
I suppose I have a good excuse. When people ask me why I didn't get married again after my divource I just toss off 'Tried it once, didn't like it, never want to go there again!' :wink: Though I still get the odd 'You haven't met the right one yet' Yeh, well he hasn't been born yet!

On of my lines is "Nobody has ever made it look attractive to me." :lol:

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Gamore
I do understand. I often feel like just walking out into the parking lot and screaming I am asexual dammit!

Aven is both part of my problem and solution, because this place gave me confirmation and continues to give me validation.

Please do, but wait for me I would love to do the same thing :D .

Figured it would not serve any purpose at that point to tell her that I was asexual.

I am sorry about that and know how hard it is. But as I was reading this I could not help but laugh a little, My aunt has Survival Palsy and is in a wheelchair and has a (but does not need) a PA I could just imagine someone trying to explain to her what Asexual means.... they would have better luck telling a rock what it means :twisted: . Sad but true.

As to the rest of you that get the "you will find the right person" or "One day you will want kids", I get that all the time from my grandmother and sometimes mother. I think my mother would understand all of it but as to my grandmother I think she would probably have a Heart Attack/Stroke hmm I think I might tell her first :lol: (JOKE) :?

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Aeriel

I don't attempt to identify myself as asexual to others; they probably already think I'm weird enough (I'm also an in-the-closet aspie). But I have no difficulty expressing my disinterest in children and romantic encounters; let others infer from that what they may.

It took me so long to realize that I was asexual, I can't really blame sexuals for being slow on the uptake. I doubt if many people even recognize that asexuality is a real and valid orientation. I wondered for years if I was really gay; finally realized that most gay women want sexual intimacy with other women...and that thought was no more appealing to me than sexual intimacy with a man.

The bottom line is that my asexuality is really not relevant to most situations I deal with on a daily basis; not something I want known at work, not something I would discuss with anyone but the closest of friends. Maybe because I'm naturally a very private person, this doesn't bother me in the least. I am grateful, though, for the efforts of others to increase the visibility of asexuality.

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FelineFanatic
One of the things I have found truly fascinating about both

*getting older

all the older women (they were & are all women) *stopped* saying

*You'll meet Mr Right when you least expect him.

*I'm good with food & cooking!

I still here the Mr. Right thing. People I know just do not get it.

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