Jump to content

Identity Issues with A/Romanticism


GreenWithEnby

Recommended Posts

GreenWithEnby

Slightly NSFW, but not for very long and not that much. (Nothing violent or bad)

 

I’ve been on this site for just over two years and yet issues with my identity are still embarrassing. For a few months, I’ve been struggling with continuing to identify as Aromantic. I’m fairly certain that I’m Asexual, but that could also just be a biproduct of my gender dysphoria. I’ll have occasional sexually explicit thoughts, but there’s s clear disconnect between how my body reacts and how my mind reacts. There could be an issue with internalized... something there, but that’s not my biggest concern.

 

I’ve always had relationship issues. I feel like I, especially as a teenager, had forced myself to be in relationships with close friends out of confusion about my own identity, which only hurt everyone around me (including myself). I’ve since been single for years after several failed relationships. 

 

I’m trans. I’ve only ever dated other trans people. This isn’t an intentional decision, it’s just difficult to get close to cis people for me. That said, I met this guy. I’d known him in middle school, but we went to different schools and only saw each other at extracurricular events like speech team, band camp, etc. We see each other a lot more frequently now due to college and work, and he’s really, really nice. We’ve texted every single day without fail since about October or November 2017. Now, I knew he was cis. Turns out, I was wrong. I myself am transmasc. I’m not explicitly a transgender guy, but the closest I could be. We... we get along really well. We like similar music, we have similar interests, and we’ve gone through mostly similar issues (the most similar one being episodes of disassociation and crippling apathy.)

 

I’ve been thinking for a while that I might be attracted to him romantically, but I might not be? I’ve been so focused on physical health, planning for top surgery, work, and grades that I haven’t even tried to thoroughly evaluate our relationship. He doesn’t call himself Asexual, but has told me that that’s the closest thing to how he feels, and has also expressed difficulty in differentiating between types of attraction.

I don’t want to entirely mess up the best friendship in my life right now, but I also sometimes feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I also don’t know if that reaction is real or socialized, and I don’t know how he feels about it either... It’s dumb. It makes me feel dumb. I feel like a twelve year old with a crush, but it’s genuinely confusing and distressing.

 

We’re in a weird middle ground right now where we have inside jokes and (ironically?) call each other pet names and get annoyed with each other and do sarcastic voices and-

Well... it’s nice. But I don’t know where to go from here, or if I should go anywhere from here at all.

 

If you have any advice, it would be seriously welcomed.

Link to post
Share on other sites

hm, it really seems you have a complex and controversial situation there.

asexuality is not having sexual attraction towards others and aromantic is having no romantic attraction towards others, sometimes you realize it right away, sometimes it takes time. don't worry about putting a label on that if you're uncomfortable or unsure currently. do what makes you happy, you know yourself best, even in the most confusing times, you know what you're comfortable with calling yourself and not, if you're unsure, let yourself experience, and grow more, but if you're uncomfortable with that you don't need to do so.

 

it's alright to think about your own life as well, you're your own person, it's alright to be focused and busied with your own life. as for the friendship, it honestly depends on how you interpret it. spending your life with someone can be in a platonic way, but it also could be in a romantic way. there's plenty of possibilities, and it's completely alright to have a label onto you, and change it on later in your life. it doesn't mean you're immature, and it doesn't mean that your sexuality isn't valid. it really depends on the person and how they see sexuality. that's the beauty of exploring if we're comfortable, we can see what we are attracted to or not, what we like or don't, it all depends. sometimes we just know or realize, that's not for me or nope. at times we are unsure and that's completely okay, being unsure doesn't mean your life isn't figured out, you can have a really happy and content life in the process of figuring yourself out. even if it takes forever, let yourself take your time, expand, learn and grow if you're comfortable as well maybe explore and experiment a bit. changes happen all the time throughout life, it's up to yourself to see if you want to spend your entire life with him, or see him in the future as a romantic partner, or just as very close friends. it's alright to be confused or uncertain, there's so many factors in life that can confuse our brains on what is what. take your time, if you don't have a set answer right now, that's okay. i know it may not seem alright, but this is your life. not having yourself figured out doesn't mean that your life is terrible or you're a terrible person, you can be an absolute unique and beautiful person, and your life could be really good, figuring yourself out may have some hardships to overcome, but in the process of figuring yourself out you can be happy, and even at the end, when you figure yourself out, you can be content. sometimes we don't figure ourselves out, and sometimes we need support or we need to help ourselves in a way in which we're comfortable, sometimes we aren't ready and that's okay, we can always wait until we're ready. 

 

platonic bonds can have their own intimacy, emotional, physical and mental. same with romantic, both are different attractions, so, it really depends on how you view it. romantic attraction is different for everyone, like platonic attraction. both differ though, it has their own aspects. it is very interesting to see the variety. in the end it depends on yourself to see who you are. just know, it's completely okay for your label to stay the same or for it to change. you're yourself, and you should embrace that. it's okay to not have a label right now, it doesn't make you less of a human, you're still a human deserving of support, respect and your own type of love, whatever is most comfortable and beautiful to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...