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Different Gray-Ace labels


Flump222

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(First off, maybe TMI later in this post).

So, I've been calling myself for a little while now, and I'm pretty sure I fall somewhere on the gray spectrum. Originally, I didn't want to go even further than that. I just wanted to know if I was on the spectrum or not. Now, I do feel a little different, and I want to at least make myself aware of some of the categories that I may fit into (if that makes sense). Labels to me provide a kind of sense of comfort, and a lack of them leaves me with this uncertainty, which mentally destroys me (this happened when I went through some periods of doubt about me being ace a while ago).

So, to start, I'll just give a (hopefully) short overview of why I feel how I do. When I had my first and only crush, all sexual thoughts of her were quite strange to me, and it was purely romantic. I do get aroused and masturbate, even with images, but I personally think that it's probably just the act that I like (and maybe a fetish too, idk). I haven't really ever thought that I want sex with one particular person. I'm not always repulsed by it, but indifferent at most, though I cannot think of people that I know when I do it. That's too weird for me. I do also experience aesthetic attraction, which I thought was sexual attraction for quite a while (in these instances I'd kind of feel a draw to look at someone, but not an urge to do sexual things with them or see them naked or anything like that). 

Whew, sorry if that was a little too much, but moving on. So, I don't think that I'm demi in any sense, because thoughts of sex with someone I know really well kind of repulses me more than usual. Does anyone have thoughts on what categories that I might fit into, or ones that I should maybe check out?

(Also sorry if this just overall not a good post, I am just kind of curious right now. And sorry if I'm overly apologetic. I still need to work on that).

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The only label that I know of would be fray as an opposite to demi. This typically deals more with attraction only to people that you don't know as well. Unfortunately, outside of the community this term isn't even as well known as demi. I don't know if this one would fit you or if there is another one that fits better, I really only know of this one though since it is part of my identity.

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generally people speak of libido as the general drive to masturbate, or the arousal and one experiences in response to content liker porn or smut. Aces can have libido, and there isn't a different definition for it - they are ace. some might id as "libido'd ace" 

 

further, often with aces they do have romantic orientation but no sexuality to it. They feel romantically attracted to others, or desire a romantic relationship, but they don't have sexual feelings as part of their romantic attraction and desire. They ID as asexual, and often ID more so according to their romantic orientation - heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc. 

 

 

Also - well, it's not at all uncommon for aces to feel aesthetic attraction and realize - "oh - this isn't what sexual attraction is."

 

But, I like to speak about my experience since it's a little different than common. Or mabe it just isn't talked about much, idk. But, I feel sexual attraction, but my attraction does not lead me to desire sex or fantasize about the "crush" of mine. I put crush in quotes 'cause... for me, I just use crush to mean sexual attraction, because it ain't "lust" so idk what to call it. But I also am demiromantic lol.. so I also use "crush" to refer to my crushes, who I have very few of, and the emotional experience is very long-lasting, but I don't have romantic crushes except for the three I current feel for... who I first felt this way a year or more after we split ways :unsure: and it's been at least 5 years since the last one... lol! 

 

 

so uh.. what I mean to be saying is. For me, even tho I do have sexual attraction, when I first heard about asexuality I jumped on the idea and it certainly fit! I felt like I only ever expereinced aesthetic attraction and sensual attraction, specifically a liking of kissing. 

 

But, after a few years - I had a friend who I knew well enough for my attraction to develop a little - like, we flirted casually, and she was attractive to me. As our friendship developed - sometimes flirting would arouse me, and that was surprising and weird at first! but not too weird 'cause I also knew I could get aroused when kissing or touching.. which is something that was bugging me for a while, in remembering when I experienced "sensual attraction..."" and so I sorta thought about it and realized, "oh, I do feel sexual attraction after all! it's just without desire or fantasy!" and I feel it pretty readily. within a few months after I realized what it was, I now can recognize it on the fly - there is a difference for me between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction, but I couldn't tell at first the difference... because it wasn't "Sexual" enough. 

 

See the point is that.. .for some people sexual attraction is without sexuality until it is... idk :unsure: I  don't know how common this is. But I do know people talk of allosexual folks not getting how aces can be aroused, or romantic... and I think it's 'cause for an allosexual, usually all these things are kinda "one thing" and seemlessly flow into each other... IDK. 

 

I'm a little off-topic I am sorry. I don't know if my experience relates to yours at all... I only was thinking about it 'cause of how you said you thought it was sexual attraction but maybe it isn't. And that clicked with me. But, many aces would say such a thing...

 

I guess, I just wish I knew an efficient way to explain this to soeone, to help guide them towards figuring it out, those who express being unsure.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

heh.... anyway, I just came back to edit in all that above just now, cause oops - last night i saw your post and thought it was a little different, asking for different labels. so I wrote something up really quick this morning - I'm easily distracted xD and then read your post again and realized in my bedtime delirium I musta skimmed over it or selective-hearing, thought you wanted people to share grey-spectrum labels with you , so I made a list, hope it's helpful anyway: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

generally, the idea of grey sexualities is "identities that could be ace, allo, or somewhere in between" and it is a umbrella term. Some of these identities CAN fall under the ace category for some folk, subjectively to how they experience their sexual emotions/energy and what drive they have as a result. Most of these also could fall under allosexuality for some folk, or are experience which normally are a part of common allosexual experiences, but for someone who identifies by these labels, it's the only or a rare few experiences for their sexuality, and nothing beyond. 

 

grey as its own identity has a meaning too, which is in the list. 

 

 

 

I know of : 

 

  • auto* - Only reaches sexual satisfaction through masturbation
  • autochoris* - experiences attraction and/or desire, but feels dissasociation from the acts, fantasies, or attraction - they don't want to be a part of sex, but feel attraction and/or desire and/or libido. 
  • cupio* - wants a sexual relationship or desires sexual activity but does not feel attraction
  • demi* - does not feel attraction for others, but for some close bonded allies they can start to feel attraction, perhaps strongly even. 
  • fray* - They feel attraction for others but, the closer they are to the person the more that attraction and desire disappears. 
  • grey* - as its own identity, means - someone who feels attraction and/or desire weakly, or intermittently. 
    • alternatively, a cover-all term for anyone who isn't quite sure of their orientation, but knows there's something to it. 
  • lith* - feel attraction for others, but if it is reciprocated, it completely vanishes. Or;  if it comes into a real opportunity for intimacy, it vanishes. Either or both is true of lith folks. 
  • hyper* - normally defined, "feels sexual attraction intensely or insatiably" - and under this experience, it is under allosexuality. 
    • alt. def.: "feels intense and/or insatiable desire for sexual intimacy, but lacks any directed attraction to others" - some folk under this alt definition ID as greysexual
  • placio* - a person who enjoys or desires sexual intimacy where they give it, but does not want to receive sexual attention
  • quas* - a person who experiences nontraditional sexual attraction. more likely the folks feel like they are allosexual, or like they can't be ace, because their attraction is very real for them. 
  • quoi* - someone who has difficulty differentiating between attractions. Most often qouiromantic, and I haven't seen any ID as quoisexual, tho in theory it's possible. 

 

 

 

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yeah, I like simplicity, sorry :lol: but thanks :D

 

if others want to use 1000 labels they can. honest I have no issue with their preference for their sake - in fact I want them to embrace who they are for their sake. 

 

 but I like a basic vocabulary. crush works perfectly fine for me. I only take the time to explain the difference when I need to be clear that I'm demiromantic. hah! maybe I could use "smush" in those situations after all :lol: let's see if I remember tho :redface: 

 

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