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Am I Lithromantic?


Debi

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Up until very recently, I considered myself an open bisexual and more than happy with it. The first relationship I had was with a girl whom I adored, and for the first week it was great. But then I began to become anxious and not that I lost interest, but as soon as we put a label on it, I began to feel distant from her. So about a month later, I cut it off, saying I felt better being friends. But then, I started having that romantic attraction again. I thought this was just the general process of relationships so I didn't bring it up.

But now, I have just started dating a guy, again, someone I've been crushing on for who knows how long, but as soon as he admitted he liked me too and we put a label on it, I wanted out, and I just wanted to go back to the flirty friendship we had.

I wouldn't consider myself scared of commitment, if anything, the idea of relationships is very appealing to me. But as soon as I'm in one, I want to go back.

If anyone could help me to pinpoint what I'm going through, I'd be so grateful. Thank you.

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NerotheReaper

Welcome to AVEN, here is a useful link you might find helpful, there is a lot of useful information! 

 

There is some information on Lithromantic there, which I will quote under here:

 

Quote

Lithromantics are individuals who experience romantic love but do not desire their feelings to be reciprocated. Lithromantic people may want to avoid dating and romantic relationships entirely, or may be comfortable with such a relationship or even desire it, as long as their love is not returned in a romantic way. Some lithromantics may even accept reciprocated love, but do not require it to find a relationship fulfilling, as most romantics do.

The term lithromanticism comes from the Latin lith- meaning stone. It was coined by Ian Ridley and Lanthir Calendae, drawing on the context of butch-femme sexual terminology. (source)
Interesting links on and off AVEN:
Anyone ever hear of a lithromantic or identify as one? 
Lithromanticism
Lithromantic - tumblr ]

So, it is up to you to decide on how you feel in relation to romance. 

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Hey Debi

 

Welcome to AVEN!

 

From reading your post, it sounds like a classic lith scenario to me (:

I'm 23, and I have never dated anyone, mainly because I fear that I am lith - what you explained above sounds like something that would happen to me also. Being lith is one part of the aro spectrum, we like dating, romance and intimacy as a theory but our feelings go tits up when we practise them in reality. I don't understand why our minds play with us like this... it's like we enjoy those warm fuzzies and butterflies, but when reality offers it from another person, we immediately crawl back into our cage.

 

You aren't the only one that feels like this, don't let any ever invalidate your orientation!

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Thank you for this, for a long time I just assumed I was scared of commitment and that it made me a bad person. But seeing that I'm not the only one helps a lot with my self confidence!

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