ishakman Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Hello, 25 male here. Im going to give a little background so you can se how I came to believe im asexual and why im having doubts now. Until I was 18 I was pretty sure I was straight, I always liked girls, had dreams about having sex with girls, watch a lot of porn and masturbate. I've kiss a lot of girls and really enjoyed it, but then I tried to have sex with a girl. The whole thing felt forced, rushed, awkward and couldn't even get a full erection. The next 2 times I tried to have sex with random girls I couldn't even get an erection. I was really surprised by this as I never had any problem to get one on my own. Because of this, I thought that maybe I was gay, so I started watching gay porn and I was really into the whole thing (even though I could never picture myself with another guy), so one day I download Grindr and go to a guys house to have sex, BUT the same thing happened and I couldn't get an erection. At this point I got really confused and thankfully got to this forum. So for years I thought I was asexual heteroromantic. Until a couple of weeks ago when I decided to try the nofap challenge (no porn or masturbating for 90 days) and strangely enough after a couple of weeks I started having these dreams where I wave sex with girls. So I hired a prostitute to have sex with but once again i couldn't manage to get an erection. Physically I don't thinks theres anything wrong with me as I can always get an erection when im on my own. I think I really like the idea of having sex but once we are naked theres no sexual attraction towards the other person. So whats my deal? any thoughts? thanks and sorry for my english Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Maybe you should try waiting until/if you actually like someone in that way to determine this, because it seems like just random people/hookups isn't doing it for you. Just seems to me like you keep trying the same thing over and over and for some reason you're expecting a different result. Your dreams also aren't necessarily indicative of what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
MissyLithy Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Maybe you're demisexual? Where you can't experience sexual attraction until there's a strong emotional connection. I dated someone who was demi and she just couldn't get turned on until we were really emotionally bonded. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 There's a huge difference between fantasies and the real thing. In fantasies, everything happens as you imagine it. In the real world, there's another person, and totally different sensory stimulation. The touch of another person feels totally different from the own touch. They're breathing, maybe talking, smelling, moving of their own accord. If you're used to fantasizing in solitude, the other person is actually a distraction, rather than a helping hand or a stimulating presence. Add to that the pressure of being expected "to perform", and all the fun is gone. You wrote about libido, but it doesn't sound to me like you've ever been sexually attracted to someone. Could be that it will happen in the future, maybe if you get used to someone, or develop a strong emotional bond. But it could also be that you're ace, and simply won't feel that attraction. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido I think there is a label for someone who's attracted to the idea of a sexual relationship, but not to the reality. But I can't find it right now. Or maybe I just read a thread once where somebody was asking about a label for that. All the best to you! I hope you'll figure yourself out soon. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
ishakman Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Thanks for your answers, Quote Just seems to me like you keep trying the same thing over and over and for some reason you're expecting a different result. Quote you wrote about libido, but it doesn't sound to me like you've ever been sexually attracted to someone. Those two quotes really stuck with me, guess you are both right. Theres a girl I like who keeps asking me to go out, but I've been avoiding her because all of this. guess ill just come out to her and see if she's still interested in going out 🤞🏻 Link to post Share on other sites
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