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If any romantics can clarify...


Dragilio

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"WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME, BABY DON'T HURT ME, NO MOREEEE"

jk jk My real question though, is what does it feel like to be romantically attracted to someone? 

I asked one of my friends (to no avail, apparently I looked very confused) and I'm hoping someone here could help out! :blush:

 

 

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I've only had one crush in my life, but I'll do my best to describe the feeling (which was previously completely unknown to me). It's almost as if you're pulled towards that person, you want to be close to them, and get to know them and that kind of stuff. You also think of them a lot, and wish to spend as much time as you can with them. It's an urge that is very difficult to suppress (trust me, I tried when I first realized what I was feeling).

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To add on to what Flump said, it's also a bit of a contradiction in the beginning. Yes, I'm being pulled towards the person but the moment I see them I also then want to get away from them. Not in an "I'm so annoyed with them" sort of way, but because I don't like this emotional out of control feeling. I'm nervous and wanting to impress them and feeling edgy with impulses and hyperawareness of my every move/word/expression/etc, the whole shebang. I hate it. I hate that beginning crush, that rush of beginning to like someone. I much prefer what comes later, when everything has settled and you are enjoying being in love with them and them with you.

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Being obsessed with another person and thinking about them all the time. Feeling happy when you're with them and sad when you're apart. When I think of the person I have a crush on, I get a kind of nostalgic feeling the way I would listening to a sad piece of music, potentially because my crush is unrequited. And I don't think the feeling is obvious. I really didn't know that it was romantic attraction for about a month after it started. @KendraPM I also hated all of the tension and guesswork when I was in contact with the person I crushed on; unfortunately I eventually learned that he wasn't interested in me so I never got to that place of enjoying being in love.

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I'm starting to realize that I'm not sure.

I began writing my feelings on this topic, what it was like for me, but upon reflection, none of it really made any sense. I have been around those who have made me happy and that I want to hug or cuddle/kiss, but is that really what emotional attraction is? It's certainly not physical attraction, I know that. But... I don't ever look at someone and think "wow, I really want to have something with them" I just... sorta wanna be physically (platonically/semi-romantically) close to someone. 

 

So, to not provide a helpful hint: I have no idea. Even songs that I thought might explain this gravitational pull toward someone, isn't necessarily translated in the romantic sense for me, so... 

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2 hours ago, seall said:

Being obsessed with another person and thinking about them all the time. Feeling happy when you're with them and sad when you're apart. When I think of the person I have a crush on, I get a kind of nostalgic feeling the way I would listening to a sad piece of music, potentially because my crush is unrequited.

Yes, same here.   Romance is like "butterflies in the stomach"... I start to get anxious about not seeing the person, or seeing them, or whatever.  It's a gnawing, overwhelming feeling of attachment that just hits you and then you're stuck with it for months or even years.  I mean, it's both wonderful and awful at the same time.

 

It's definitely not a feeling I get around friends. 

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Purple Wanderer

Its like a fandom. you obsess, you want to know more, be around it etc etc  

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It's like a drug in the beginning.. you get addicted to the feeling of being around that person, they literally make you feel 'euphoric', and being apart from them hurts like withdrawal. Your heart races, your stomach gets butterflies, you can't stop thinking about them. For me, I stop needing to sleep when I'm in the 'beginning' phases of romantic love. I get super motivated, super happy, nothing can upset or annoy me.. it's really weird. Again though, this is like trying to describe what it feels like to be afraid. Someone who has never been afraid probably won't really 'get' it, but once they've felt fear they'll know exactly what you're talking about!! But until you've felt it, you really can't truly comprehend it :o

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On 21 February 2018 at 2:38 AM, Dragilio said:

"WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME, BABY DON'T HURT ME, NO MOREEEE"

jk jk My real question though, is what does it feel like to be romantically attracted to someone? 

I asked one of my friends (to no avail, apparently I looked very confused) and I'm hoping someone here could help out! :blush:

 

 

The whole of the movie Moulin Rouge symbolises the romantic love that my partner and I have for each other. You might want to watch it???? but in the meantime here is a clip

 

 

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Siimo van der fietspad

Fictovore describes well the early stages. I was literally going hot and and cold the first time we had a long make-out session on our first date, we were both thinking about each other constantly for days afterwards.

 

This settles down into a more steady feeling, with more exciting emotions if you enjoy either sexual and/or non-sexual intimacy. Sometimes you can feel an intense passion that has nothing to do with physical desires, more a sense of admiration, aesthetic wonder, or just caring very very deeply for the other person.  For me this often happens when she's really happy about something and has this aura about her. I think the really important thing is a sense of being totally secure with this person, knowing they completely accept you, they know everything good or bad about you and you can just be yourself with them.  I feel as if I carry a part of her inside me.

 

Important: real romantic love also includes times when you don't want to be with the other person, you might argue, fight, think they are stupid or obstinate, even hate to see them for a time.  This is all part of a normal relationship.  You accept each other's faults because when you love somebody you realise they are a real being and not a wishlist of perfect attributes.

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When that person's name pops up on your notifications screen and it doesn't matter if it's been 3 days, 3 hours, or 3 seconds since he last texted you, you still get all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Even though it's been years that his name has been popping up on your notifs. 

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When I have a crush I feel fuzzy in my tummy and weak in the knees when I see or hear from that person.

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1 hour ago, Chimeric said:

When that person's name pops up on your notifications screen and it doesn't matter if it's been 3 days, 3 hours, or 3 seconds since he last texted you, you still get all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Even though it's been years that his name has been popping up on your notifs. 

Totally this. 

 

If someone mentions my partner I can't help but smile. Talking to them can make a bad day better. Getting a message from them is exciting and wonderful even though we have talked every day for over a year and it's nothing new. Just being able to make them happy at all is the best feeling, so I put a lot of thought into what to do for them 

 

But then I don't get crushes... I tend to develop romantic feelings for friends so it's pretty serious ones once they start. So it's hard for me to distinguish just romantic attraction and romantic love. 

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2 hours ago, Siimo said:

 

 

Important: real romantic love also includes times when you don't want to be with the other person, you might argue, fight, think they are stupid or obstinate, even hate to see them for a time.  This is all part of a normal relationship.  You accept each other's faults because when you love somebody you realise they are a real being and not a wishlist of perfect attributes.

Hmm. My partner and I argue ( who doesnt sometimes) but I've never considered them stupid. And I've never hated to see them. Usually if I start having those thoughts about someone the relationship is in trouble. 

 

So depends on the people 

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On 21 February 2018 at 3:50 AM, Duke Memphis said:

I can't describe it that well, but this song knows exactly how I feel:

https://youtu.be/36nqGs_Dvws

This is great. This really captures the emotional state that folk get into when they are romantically involved. A lot of Freddie Mercury's songs do this for me. 

 

But it I have aphantasia and often cannot pick up the words in songs because of this. Having the lyrics written down is a real help too, thank you!!

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2 hours ago, Marlow1 said:

This is great. This really captures the emotional state that folk get into when they are romantically involved. A lot of Freddie Mercury's songs do this for me. 

 

But it I have aphantasia and often cannot pick up the words in songs because of this. Having the lyrics written down is a real help too, thank you!!

You're very welcome. This song comes to my head when I'm with my girlfriend, and I find that it fits perfectly with how I feel.

 

And no matter what kind of mood you're in, no matter how your life's going, there's a beautifully constructed Queen song for any moment.

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On 21.2.2018 at 3:38 AM, Dragilio said:

"WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME, BABY DON'T HURT ME, NO MOREEEE"

jk jk My real question though, is what does it feel like to be romantically attracted to someone? 

I asked one of my friends (to no avail, apparently I looked very confused) and I'm hoping someone here could help out! :blush:

 

 

I don't lnow. It's really hard to say since it's different for everyone but most people would usually feel a very strong mental or physical attraction towrads another person when they're in love, They would think about that special someone very often, combined with a warm flattering feeling inside (sometimes described as having butterflies in your chest etc.). You want to be near and spend as much time as possible together. A deep sense of caring devotion.

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wonderflonium

For me, it's usually a strong inclination to be around that person and to talk to them in a meaningful way. I want to know them, know how their brain works and the things they find funny, or the things that make them angry. When it's more intense, there's an almost clawing feeling in my chest if I can't be around them and spend time with them - to feel connected to them. The thing that flips this into "romantic" and not just a platonic need to be friends, is that I usually want to be a Tier 1 Important Person to them, and be emotionally intimate - and there's a certain component of aesthetic and sensual attraction that develops as I get to know them.

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I agree with whats already been said. Its hard for me to recount the emotions, but here and there I'm reminded of how a crush feels. I've made it a habit to take myself off the market, so to speak, to prevent myself from falling (in love), which is definitely my own problem that I won't discuss too much right now, lol. I'm going to list some things that don't all need to be present in one person but I'd still consider attraction. There's a physical attraction, in which you like someone's aesthetics, but its more than that. Suddenly everything they do looks like art, and its intriguing. There's an emotional attraction, in which you click with someone, you get what they're saying and where they're coming from and just want to talk and laugh forever with them. Maybe you like their sense of humor, maybe you like to hear their voice. There's a lot of imagining, where you imagine your future together, even doing mundane things or thinking about how you want to take them to a shop you like or have them listen to your favorite songs and watch your favorite movies. Maybe you want to talk about your past with them and hear theirs. Essentially you just want that person in your life, and to share experiences with them.

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I've felt some of these things for friends. So I'm still kind of scratching my head...did I have romantic feelings for friends and just didn't recognize it?

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18 hours ago, spazzticsoda said:

I've felt some of these things for friends. So I'm still kind of scratching my head...did I have romantic feelings for friends and just didn't recognize it?

I had the same question, talked about it with some friends, and determined that the difference lies in 1) the intensity of the feelings felt and 2) existence or absence of attachment/possessiveness. I've had squishes and platonic love for friends before, both of which which involve some of the things that people mention when they describe falling in (romantic) love. But for me those feelings have never been overwhelming to the point where I think about that person all the time or feel like I need more out of the relationship than what I've been getting out of it as a friend. (I've noticed that when my friends cross over from having platonic feelings to romantic ones, they start wanting "more," whatever that means, and may have a hard time maintaining the friendship when those feelings are not returned.) Also I've never felt the need to claim someone and keep them to myself or feel any sort of jealousy over them. So for me these are the differences between romantic love and platonic love. Idk if that helps.

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5 minutes ago, taebae said:

I had the same question, talked about it with some friends, and determined that the difference lies in 1) the intensity of the feelings felt and 2) existence or absence of attachment/possessiveness. I've had squishes and platonic love for friends before, both of which which involve some of the things that people mention when they describe falling in love. But for me those feelings have never been overwhelming to the point where I think about that person all the time or exhibit irrational emotional responses towards them. Also I've never felt the need to claim someone and keep them to myself or feel any sort of jealousy over them. So for me these are the differences between romantic love and platonic love. Idk if that helps.

Not all romantic love includes jealous feelings. Polyamorous people experience "compersion", or being happy, when their partners have other partners. And... not everyone gets obsessive, either. Those are both just the stereotypes, not the rules.

 

18 hours ago, spazzticsoda said:

I've felt some of these things for friends. So I'm still kind of scratching my head...did I have romantic feelings for friends and just didn't recognize it?

Honestly, romantic vs platonic is not that big a difference, for me. It's more... starts out as friendship and eventually I just want to do more things I don't want to do with other friends and "click" better with one person than others and it's a subtle difference. 

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8 minutes ago, Serran said:

Not all romantic love includes jealous feelings. Polyamorous people experience "compersion", or being happy, when their partners have other partners. And... not everyone gets obsessive, either. Those are both just the stereotypes, not the rules.

 

Honestly, romantic vs platonic is not that big a difference, for me. It's more... starts out as friendship and eventually I just want to do more things I don't want to do with other friends and "click" better with one person than others and it's a subtle difference. 

I'm just going off of what I've observed/been told. I know those things aren't true for everyone, but they are for a lot of people.

 

Also, what's the difference between what you've described and a best friend? Because I feel that way about my best friend but I don't love her.

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1 hour ago, taebae said:

I'm just going off of what I've observed/been told. I know those things aren't true for everyone, but they are for a lot of people.

 

Also, what's the difference between what you've described and a best friend? Because I feel that way about my best friend but I don't love her.

I don't want to kiss/cuddle etc my friends, I do with a romantic attachment. I don't want to share a bed with a friend, I do with a romantic attachment. Etc, etc. Otherwise, they kinda are just my best friend. :P 

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I get jealous when my best friends get new friends or get a bf/gf. I am usually okay with leaving them alone for long periods of time , as long as my place in their lives doesn't really feel threatened, but I still feel jealous sometimes . It's pretty normal for teen  girls to sleep in the same bed when they go over to each other's houses, so I don't know if the sleep with thing really works either; but no cuddling or anything like that. I"m starting to wonder if there really is a difference between romantic and intense friendship, or if there is a gray zone?  I've known girls who are so close to each other that people think they are either gay or siblings.

 

 

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10 hours ago, spazzticsoda said:

I get jealous when my best friends get new friends or get a bf/gf. I am usually okay with leaving them alone for long periods of time , as long as my place in their lives doesn't really feel threatened, but I still feel jealous sometimes . It's pretty normal for teen  girls to sleep in the same bed when they go over to each other's houses, so I don't know if the sleep with thing really works either; but no cuddling or anything like that. I"m starting to wonder if there really is a difference between romantic and intense friendship, or if there is a gray zone?  I've known girls who are so close to each other that people think they are either gay or siblings.

 

 

It's mostly just a ... if you feel it, you know there is a difference thing. You can't exactly describe it. 

 

For example, sex is something some people share with friends and others see as serious romantic attachments only. Hand holding can be either. I also know a girl that kisses her friends on the lips. But, there is always something sort of different between the two if you have romantic feelings for someone. 

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A pull towards. A joyful feeling when you touch or are near. A desire to move in the direction that makes you closer. When the hands fit better as they are put together, than when apart. When two becomes one. When one is not one without the better half.

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Is it kinda weird that I find hand holding wayyyyy more intimate than kissing or hugging? I think if I wanted to hold someone's hand then maybe that is how I would know it is romance, haha!!!

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