Breaking Up: How Do I Know When it is The Right Time?

[Awkward_Potato]

Okay, so... Previously I made a post about my relationship with my current boyfriend, who is a sexual person, while I am not. Looking back on it, it was very awkward and didn't really leave much for discussion. Anyway, I guess this is an update of sorts. I'm not sure if I should be posting this as a status update, or if it should be a topic like the previous one. I don't know how forums like this work, perhaps I'll get the hang of it. Anyway, on to the topic: how do I know when it is time to break up?

 

As mentioned in my previous topic post, I was/am having an internal struggle about the fact that I don't want to do sexual things with my boyfriend, even though he definitely does. He and I have talked about this, and the subject of breaking up did come up, because we know that is a possible reality for us. I'm not necessarily afraid of breaking up; I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, and I'm still young, so I have many years ahead of me where I could find someone while I am successful in more important things. What I am afraid of is that he wants to break up with me, but won't do it because he "is afraid of hurting my feelings" like he has done in the past with other girls when he was younger. (He tells me he loves me, but you know how people say that guys will say anything to get you to have sex with them. I'm not really sure how true that is.) Not to mention that the mere thought that he wants my body more than he wants to be with me (even though that's probably just me being over-dramatic and unfair to him), hurts that much more. I'm also worried that I've been holding on to this relationship for too long, and that it's hurting us far more in the long run. Relationships take work, and it's important that those in that relationship are willing to make it work the best they can, but when does making the relationship work turn into clinging onto something that won't work? So the question is; when do I know when it's time to break up and just be friends?

[Purple Wanderer]

If sex wasn't an issue. (he was ace for example) would you want to be with him?

 

 

[uhtred]

He may really feel the way he says he does - he doesn't want to hurt you by breaking up.  You may not want to hurt him by breaking up.  But - if there is a big incompatibility between you, you might BOTH be happier if you were not together.  Not all relationships are worth continuing, and it may have nothing to do with either person being bad / wrong. 

 

This is no ones's "fault", you just are not compatible. 

 

Tell him that you can't imagine ever having the sexual relationship that he wants and that you think you will both be happier apart. 

[Sally]

Your post sounds like you really think that it's best to break up, both for you and for him.   If that's the case, now's the time.