zoetrope98 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hi all, This is my first post here, but a good friend of mine directed me to this community since I expressed my anxiety and stress. Although I've felt qualities of asexuality for a long time, I just recently started identifying with the actual term. I've been finding it very difficult to use dating apps or meet people I'm interested in. I get very lonely, so I'm always looking for someone to help fill that gap in a way that satisfies my emotional and physical needs. I've realized I like being touched in a non-sexual way (cuddling, hand-holding, playing with my hair, etc.). What kind of experiences do you all have with first starting to connect with other asexuals in search of possible relationships? Are there any dating apps that you liked? How do you tell potential partners? Do you say it outfront or wait a little? Thanks, and I really appreciate any feedback or advice I could get. This is something I'm constantly thinking about at the back of my mind...and it's emotionally exhausting for me and sometimes negative for my health. P.S. I'm also just looking to connect with other asexuals so I can feel more supported and find solace in a group of like-minded people. Feel free to reach out and chat! Link to post Share on other sites
Gldlynch Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hey zoetrope98 Welcome to AVEN! Dating in the asexual sphere is tricky because we're consumed in a sex-driven culture. I'm useless when it comes to dating and meeting people in general, I suspect I'm on the aro spectrum somewhere... Anyway, I hope you enjoy it around here and in due time I'm sure you will meet exactly the person you are supposed to be with! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Starspirit42 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 #same Maybe we should make an app... Link to post Share on other sites
zoetrope98 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 5 minutes ago, Starspirit42 said: #same Maybe we should make an app... I know nothing about technology, but an asexual dating app would be fantastic, especially to meet other asexuals in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dryad Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I am very interested in this asexual dating app. Aro Aces dating, lol, can you imagine? Link to post Share on other sites
nimbus Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 @zoetrope98 I can relate to you. It took me a long time to learn about asexuality and notice it in myself before fully identifying with it. I'd really like to cuddle, hold hands, and share similar forms of nonsexual touch with someone too, as part of a romantic relationship, but I don't want it to progress toward sex. I think I'm still trying to figure out where to even begin dating as an ace. There are some asexual dating sites/apps listed in this thread. I don't know which are the best because I haven't tried them, although I keep thinking maybe I should. There's also the Meetup Mart forum, where you can find or organize ace meetups in your area. I've been to a few near me recently and it's great to connect with like-minded people and have fun doing stuff together. We regularly have discussion meets on asexual topics, and we've also gone for coffee as a group, played escape rooms and board games, and thrown a Halloween costume party on Valentines day. Have you come out to anyone yet? I found it took a lot of courage the first time. The consensus on this site is that it's important to tell potential partners early on, rather than waiting a while, in order to not lead them into thinking you're sexual and to deal with possible incompatibility before things get complicated. It would also allow you to make them aware of your boundaries. Aside from that, you don't have to tell anyone unless you want to. Your username... are you into animation? Everyone gets welcomed to this site with cake, so here's an animated zoetrope cat cake! Link to post Share on other sites
zoetrope98 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 @nimbus Thank you for this response. It's so kind of you. I've only officially "come out" to a couple of friends, and when I match with someone on a dating app, I usually try to be upfront because like you said, I don't want to lead anyone on. I guess I will eventually tell my family. They know I've never really been into sex, but I've never really told them I'm asexual. I'll definitely check out the Meetup Mart; thanks for sharing. On my username, an old coworker used to call me zoetrope, so I use it as a username for certain social medias when I have no other ideas. Thanks for the video! It's really cool! Link to post Share on other sites
nimbus Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 @zoetrope98 You're welcome! And zoetrope is a good name! You might already know this, but a zoetrope is also a spinning device used for making animation. Link to post Share on other sites
wonderflonium Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 An app would be great! I tried tinder once, after being told it wasn't just hookups... I had a profile for a whole 8 hours before I deleted it. Most stressful 8 hours of my life. I unfortunately don't have an answer for how to tell a potential partner about your asexuality - I haven't dated for quite a while, and I've stayed away from it after learning about asexuality and identifying with the term. I have come out to a few people, and I found it was easiest without using the specific terms, and instead describing what it meant for me, specifically. However, this was to people I'm already close to - I can't quite picture what that conversation would be like between me and a man I was romantically interested in. So yeah, if you figure that out, let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Perhaps we should all wear a special hat, so we can find others on the spectrum with greater ease. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 dating is especially difficult as an asexual but its also harder when you have really strict parents ... Kinda makes your dating pool almost non existent if you ask me, but anyway ... I never did think to date online because I feel like too many people are capable of lying on those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 OKCupid allows you to select asexuality, so you can search for asexuals. Personally, I met someone on AVEN, became friends with them and it blossomed into something else. And we're getting married this summer. So, you can meet people in unexpected places too! When I tried online dating though I used OKCupid and I put on my profile that I wasn't interested in a sexual relationship. That way people knew up front. And I did go out with someone on three dates, he was totally respectful and all. I gave up after that though because I realized while someone can be great and respectful and fun to hang out with, it takes me far too long to develop romantic attraction for regular dating. Link to post Share on other sites
*Jade* Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I'm struggling with this same issue, @zoetrope98 and @nimbus. I haven't dated since I got divorced (2 yrs ago), and the thought of even trying some form of app or online dating doesn't thrill me. However, I am trying to be realistic...if I ever want to to find someone to share my whole life with, I am going to have to break down and try the online route. I do hope that I can have a romantic relationship someday, but until then, I take solace in my friends who know and love me for who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Beaver Boy Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 On 2/23/2018 at 1:01 PM, MrJ said: Perhaps we should all wear a special hat, so we can find others on the spectrum with greater ease. We do have a ring. I actually saw someone with an ace ring a few days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 19 minutes ago, Beaver Boy said: We do have a ring. I actually saw someone with an ace ring a few days ago. My friend wears one. It's black and you wear it on the middle finger of your right hand. Which is perfect for telling anyone who says asexuals don't exist to go screw themselves Link to post Share on other sites
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